Who Cares What I Think?

Merry Christmas from Dan & Mindie Burgoyne - 2011

2011-12-23T09:25:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas from Marion Station where this time last year there was snow on the ground. Today it is overcast and a mild 53 degrees … typical for this temperate part of the Eastern Shore. 2011 completes our tenth year here in the Vance Miles House. It’s the longest I’ve ever lived in one place - since I left Riverdale when I was fifteen. It’s home.

Dan and I hope this letter finds each of you mostly done with the stress of holiday preparations. We hope you’re relaxed, soaking in the season dedicated to new birth, new life, peace and the remembrance of everything we’ve ever loved.

Our children are and their families are all well, though this has been a year of illness for us. Dan continues to deal with the complications of tearing two discs in his back in a work accident. Becky has been struggling this year too, but thankfully her illness is not as serious as we’d initially thought. Little Daniel just finished up his eighth month of chemotherapy, and can hopefully get back to dreaming about things common to eight-year-old boys. I broke my foot in February on a trip in Savannah. It wasn’t until September that I could walk without assistance. And just last Tuesday, I was admitted to the hospital after suffering from a mild heart attack. I write this on my first day home. There’s nothing like a life-threatening situation to get a person all “deep and meaningful.” I’m hoping I can write this Christmas letter without becoming morose.

On the cheerful side of 2011, travel colored the year for Dan and me. I started a new blog called “The Travel Hag” and set out on travel adventures I could write about. We went to Savannah, the Outer Banks, and Ireland. We completed a cross-country rail trip on the California Zephyr. I also started a local women’s travel group called the “travel hags” – women with goddess attributes who love to travel. We went kayaking down the Transquaking, Pocomoke, and Annemessex Rivers, camped at Janes Island and Elk Neck, had dinner at Old Salty’s, went to the Chestertown Book Fair, and shared several exotic meals in torrential downpours whilst listening to a live, full rendition of Robert Burns’ Address to a Haggis. We hope to do more this year. Please join us. Hagmen are welcome

For those of you who have been receiving my Christmas letters since 2006 (and have read them), I’ll now type the line that has appeared in every letter for the last six years. “I continue to work on the book about Irish mystical places entitled Thin Places: Celtic Doorways to the Otherworld. “Who knows when – or if – I’ll ever write that book? The mystical sites, the people I’ve met, the stones, the trees, the landscape of Ireland – all these things have a magnetic draw that keep pulling us back there. Being able to encapsulate that draw and its meaning into the pages of a book would fulfill a real purpose for me. I figure I’ll do it when a publisher gives me a deadline.

Dan, Vonda and Kathleen (tour guests) on the Beara Peninsula - Ireland

Dan and I led a small group on a tour of Ireland’s southern region last May. Our guests were from Canada, California, Washington State, New York and Virginia. We started in the Boyne Valley and then went to Kildare, then Cashel, then Ardmore, Cork City, Kinsale, Gougane Barra, the Beara Peninsula and Dingle. Her Majesty, the Queen cramped our style a bit when she arrived on our heels for her Ireland tour. She was a day behind us, with a similar itinerary. I can understand her going to Trinity College in Dublin, but Cashel? Really? Then Cork City? Sheesh! Was her staff looking my website when they scheduled her stops? Then we had President Obama following Her Majesty. There’s nothing like being an American in Ireland when the Prez visits. It’s kind of like having a rock star in the family. The Irish absolutely LOVE him, and you have to bite your tongue to keep from saying, “You know, he’s not all that.” Jesus himself could have walked down Grafton Street and not seen the excitement the Irish showed for President Obama – who took the adulation humbly, with class.

The recent crash of the Irish economy didn’t harm our tour. Hospitality was as warm as ever – if not better. Ireland’s landscape was no less magical. I never tire of seeing these holy places. But watching others experience them magnifies the personal thrill. Being able to lead travelers to the very spot where the Children of Lir are said to have perished after nine hundred years in exile, or introduce friends to the Hag Beara, or watch a group try to make sense of a stone circle that predates the pyramids, or help a pilgrim collect water from an ancient holy well… these things create spiritual bonds with new friends – soul friends. We have another tour coming up this May. We’ll be traveling to the West of Ireland – the Aran Islands, Sligo, Mayo, Galway, Connemara and Clare. Consider joining us.

Every year Dan and I try to get away for our anniversary in September. It’s hard to come up with affordable places that we haven’t been to already. This year I discovered a deal on a US rail pass for $389 that allowed 8 stops in 14 days. I crafted an Amtrak trip for Dan and me that began at Penn Station in Baltimore, hit Chicago, went across the prairies of Nebraska into the Colorado Rockies, then across Utah and Nevada into California. Our first stop was Granby Colorado. We got off the train, rented a car and explored the Grand Lake area and Rocky Mountain National Park. We had a cabin on Lake Granby and three days to explore some of the most stunning scenery in America.

The photograph at the top of this Christmas letter was taken on the Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mountain National Park, a 48 mile winding road that is the highest continuous highway in the US reaching elevations above 12, 000 feet. If you look closely in the lower left of the photo, you can see the road snaking across the mountains.

Traveling along this road was like riding into a painting. All the surroundings were woven together into a spellbinding landscape. At every bend in the road there was something new to see, or hear, or smell. The Never Summer Mountains, still capped in September with last year’s snow – or a herd of elk in the valley whistling to one another – or the scent of pine that descends on every wooded trail. Even the quiet consumes the senses. This part of the Rockies has such a sense of place. It overwhelms you when you stop and notice the details. The John Denver songs played constantly in my head. …. Come dance with the west wind and touch all the mountaintops, sail o’er the canyons and up to the stars. And reach for the heavens and hope for the future, and all that we can be and not what we are.

Rocky Mountain National Park near Grand Lake, CO

They say the California Zephyr is the most scenic train ride in all of North America. I believe it. There’s something about passing through a vista of connected canyons and mountains and rivers, while being able to relax to the rhythm of a moving train. For Dan and me, that trip was a comforting end to a great travel year, and a memorable celebration of our love for each other.

At Christmas, our focus is always on home. I can’t imagine being anywhere else. Mark Twain made a reference in one of his letters to his mansion in Hartford, CT. He wrote … To us, our house was not insentient matter -- it had a heart, and a soul, and eyes to see us with; and approvals, and solicitudes, and deep sympathies; it was of us, and we were in the peace of its benediction. We never came home from an absence that its face did not light up and speak out its eloquent welcome -- and we could not enter it unmoved.”

I’ve read that quote so many times. I’ve been to the Mark Twain mansion in Hartford, and the home does have an aura – a spirit about it. But it’s not connected to me. It’s not for me. The spirit of that home is something outsiders can only observe.

Vance Miles House - our home in Marion Station, MD

I believe most houses ARE insentient matter. The house becomes a home when a family consecrates it. It’s the people that live in the house who share meals, tell stories, make music, grieve for loved ones lost, put up a Christmas tree every year, and rejoice when little faces find the magic in the season – it’s these people – the families - that fuse with that insentient matter to create the heart and soul and eyes to see with and approvals and solicitudes and deep sympathies that Twain refers to. And sometimes the fusion is so deep that it lives on in a home long after the family members fade away. The home retains the spirit. And if we’re lucky enough in our lifetime to experience “home” like that, we’ll return to it every Christmas. We’ll try to recreate wherever we are.

Dan and I laid the foundation for our home, and each family member from Becky to Tristan has added his or her unique piece to the charism. I remember when Grace and Mia used to applaud when their car turned into our driveway. They feel that heart and soul of our home. I hope in time they - and all the grandchildren, and their parents - know that they not only are a part of it, they helped to create it. All of them are of this home – and it is of them.

If at Christmas all roads lead home - you are part of our sense of home, and this Christmas has led us to you. We want you to know that you matter to us, that we remember you at this special time. We’re praying for you. We’re grieving for you if you’re experiencing sorrow, and rejoicing with you if you’re celebrating. And though this letter is but a simple gesture that we extend to those we love at the end of the year, the love we have for you exists every day. Here is a blessing from Celtic Daily Prayer by the Northumberland Community.

May the peace of the Lord go with you,
wherever he may send you,
May He guide you through the wilderness,
protect you from the storm.
May He bring you home rejoicing
at the wonders He has shown you,
May He bring you home rejoicing
once again into our doors.

May God bless you and all those whom you love this Christmas. Have a happy, healthy, prosperous new year.


Dan & Mindie Burgoyne - Cashel - Co. Tipperary

Winter on the Eastern Shore - Darkness is Ebbing

2011-12-21T12:59:00.000-05:00

I love the Eastern Shore winters. In the summer, the pace here is fast with the activities of the waterman, the seafood processors, the fisherman, the tourists, the boaters, and the festivals. But in the winter, the landscape sleeps, much of the activity quieted down, resting, waiting.

The photos in this post are of scenes after a winter storm here in Somerset County, Maryland. It's generally a temperate winter climate, but that rare snow in the Chesapeake landscape is memorable if not enchanting.

It is in the winter landscape that details emerge and appear more prominent. The lone blue heron surveying the marsh, the hum of a workboat's motor in the distance, the stray feral cat, the elderly man spinning yarns in a local store, even the sound of the tide lapping up onto the shore – all of these are more pronounced in the uncluttered winter landscape, as if all the colors were brighter.

As the winter solstice passes, we're reminded that the darkness is ebbing as more light inches into each new day. There is more being revealed. Details are magnified.

And at Christmas everything seems magnified – both good and bad. Love, loneliness, wealth, poverty, health, sickness, togetherness, separation ... everything weighs twice as much at Christmastime.

Here’s hoping your burdens are light and your blessings abundant … but if you are feeling down, know that we pray for you … and that we trust … no - we know, that strain of hardship will lessen for you soon.

Love lies close at Christmas, nestled in invisible tabernacles filled by those gone before us, those that know us now, and those we’ve yet to meet. And from those tabernacles, we can draw strength. Even the love of a stranger can be found if we but look around us.

And love heals the hurt, eases the suffering, fills the loneliness and can make any burden lighter.

Christmas is Tough for Those Suffering Losses

2011-12-18T09:21:00.000-05:00

Robert and Elizabeth Waters - Riverdale, MD - 1912

My mother died in April 2008. She followed herbrother Bob who had died just four months earlier. My mother (Elizabeth) and Uncle Bob were named for mygrandmother’s sister and brother - Robert and Elizabeth Waters- who died in 1914 justweeks apart. They were 16 and 18 years old.

Robert hit his head while getting off a street car when he was making a trip to DC. He developed meningitis, but the doctors couldn't identify the sickness initially. His older sister Libby took care of him at home. By the time they figured out that Robert was contagious, Libby was already showing symptoms. She was whisked away from Robert's bedside and put in quarantine. She missed Robert's funeral. She died two weeks later.

So many times I heard about how my great-grandmother's hair turned completely white the year after Robert and Elizabeth died - how the deaths of her two eldest children defined her life. She never got over it.

How could she?

It’s strange to ponder that coincidental repetition of another Elizabethfollowing her brother Robert in death as time circles around us. Death has such a darkness about it. We don't know where they're going... only that they are not with us and we can't see them safely to the other side.

Robert and Elizabeth Granados - Riverdale - 1941

My mother and Uncle Bob died in their seventies after raising large families and living full lives. But losing a loved one - any loved one - will mark Christmas with that absence forever.

Several people close to us have suffered losses this year, and this will be their “first” Christmas withoutthat loved one. As time goes on, the sting will lessen, and the vacancy left will be filled by remembrances. And those recollections will become the bandages that cover the scars of loss - until the scars disappear - if they ever disappear.

If you are loved, you are never forgotten.

As we navigate through the revolutions ofthe passing years, Christmas is a time when we pause. We reflect on birth, beginning,light coming into the darkness – a light that the darkness cannot overcome. We look forward to another year and hope forblessings.

It’s a time we remembereverything we ever loved, when joys and sorrows are magnified and felt strongerthan other times of the year.

Love iswhat knits the Christmases of our past into a warm garment of memory that cloaks future Christmases. It’s thatlove that pushes us year after year to make this season special.

Tristan - 5 minutes old

Indoing research for my book, Thin Places – Celtic Doorways to the Otherworld – I read this quoteby the late Celtic mystic, John O’Donohue.

If you could interview a baby in the womb, and it asksyou, “what’s going to happen to me?” You’d say “you’re going to go through a dark channel. You’re going to be pushed out. You’ll arrive into a vacant world of open airand light. The cord that connects you toyour mother is going to be cut. You going to be on your own forevermore andregardless of how close you come to anyone, you’ll never be able to belong inthe way that you’ve belonged here.” Thebaby would have no choice by to conclude that it was going to die. … when in actual fact .. it’s being born.

It can be scary to go on without those we've lost, but every new beginning starts with an end. Christmas is a time we can all beginning anew - together.

Commercial at Christmas Doesn't Bother Me

2011-12-16T13:54:00.001-05:00

Mia & Grace at the Atlantic Hotel in Berlin, MD

St. Anthony of Padua said, “Love is eternal; so that without love, all efforts are vain, no matter how much good we accomplish.” Love is what lies beneath the surface at Christmas, and best flourishes in the spirit of humility.

Every year someone will invariably proclaim disgust regarding the commercialization of Christmas, but I generally ignore these proclamations. Commercialism doesn’t diminish Christmas. It’s rarely the presents or shopping or decorations that we recall in our Christmas memories. It’s always the people we remember, and the experiences shared with people; experiences that occur when possessions and the trappings of this world are stripped away, and humility – the true understanding of who we are – arises and creates magic moments where time stands still.

These become our Christmas memories… the affirmation of a child’s imagination, school pageants, singing Christmas carols, little hands gripping the banister during the rush downstairs on Christmas morning, family dinners and gatherings, the first Christmas away from home, the first Christmas in a new home… these are the things we remember, and it’s the warmth of these experiences that generate meaning and cause us to continue to look forward to Christmas year after year.

~Burgoyne Christmas Letter 2007

5 Tips for Writing the Perfect Christmas Letter

2011-12-07T11:37:00.000-05:00

Every year we get between 10 and 20 Christmas letters. I read every single one, and keep them in a basket in the dining room so visitors and family members can easily scoop them up. I confess, a few of theses letters are terrible and the brunt of jokes and snickers. These are usually the letters that are braggadocios with self aggrandizing references to brilliant children, extravagant purchases, deserving job promotions, and luxurious vacations.

For the last few years I have sent out a Christmas letter tucked inside a custom designed card. My letters have become so popular that friends and relatives have actually written back! Each year I get three or four letters answering my Christmas letter. I also get thank-you emails and thank you notes from grateful recipients. I write the letter with this thought in mind .... "What would I say to my friends and family, if this were the last Christmas for me - or them?" Thus my message is quite sincere and meaningful. I waste little time and paper space on useless drivel.

Dan and I have large families and scores of friends we've made over the years. To some of our contacts, the Christmas card and letter is our only communication. We send out over 250 Christmas cards. I tuck my Christmas letter inside the cards of close friends and family. People have actually figured this out ... that not everybody gets a letter. We've had friends say, "Please, keep us on the A list" and others ask how they get on the "Letter List." These comments mean the world to me. To know that my message is welcomed makes every minute spent on this - my most important of Christmas projects - worthwhile.

Many have asked how I do it ... "How do you think of what to write?" ... "How do you make it interesting?"

At the risk of appearing braggadocios myself, I am daring in this post to offer 5 tips for writing a Christmas letter that will opened with great anticipation, eagerly read, appreciated and shared.

Tip 1: Keep News on Family Members to One Page
This may sound odd, since the contents of most Christmas letters is 90% news of the family ... son John got into Yale this year, Cindy won the regional skating championship, Sarah is still a soccer star, grandson Bob won a scholarship, our son Billy still doesnt' talk to us and we don't know where he is - do you?, husband Jack got a new job.....Friends and family want to know what your kids are up to, where they're living, how they're doing.. but one paragraph on the whole family news is enough. ADDED NOTE: My grown children don't like when I go on and on about them in a letter. It makes them uneasy. Simple news, to the point, is enough.

Tip 2: Resist All Temptation to Brag or Appear Like You're Bragging
It's just not okay to brag on paper. Remember braggarts are bores, and you do not have the benefit of "tone of voice" or "facial expression" when writing. So don't say "We just can't believe how smart she is ... straight A's for the fifth year in a row!" Talk more about how much you love her, support her, and are glad she's eager to learn. Avoid casually mentioning how expensive your new car is or how luxurious that vacation you took was. Bragging sours the letter and taints the intention of sending love and good will.

Tip 3: Pick a Few Highlight of the Year - Then Elaborate on How You Feel or Felt About Those Events.
If your spouse got a new job, talk about it ... how does it make him or her feel? What was the most outstanding moment in your family vacation? What was the most riveting memory of your child's wedding? What was going on in your heart when Jimmy went to the first day of kindergarten? Who have you lost this year? What comforting words can you say about the loss - or what were the most comforting words someone said to you? Did you move this year? Did you feel lonely? Make new friends?

Tip 4: Be "You" Focused Instead of "Me" Focused
Think about who you are writing to. Think about the faces of the loved ones who will read your Christmas letter. What can you say that will bring smiles to those faces? What will be interesting the those reading your letter? When will you welcome visits? Mention things in your letter that you'd want to hear from your closest friends.

Tip 5: Mention Your Sincerest Christmas Wish at the End
Christmas is a time when we remember everyone we ever loved. One recent Christmas, I was decorating my tree and becoming sentimental about the ornaments as I placed them. My ornaments could tell the story of my life. As I mentally went through my life marked by shiny baubles, I thought to myself, "What if this was my last Christmas? What would I want to tell everyone I love?" I jotted down a few thoughts and incorporated them into the sappy ending of my Christmas letter that year. I've repeated the process each subsequent year, and I believe this is the ultimate gift of the Christmas letter... my personal and sincere message of love to each loved one... the kind of thing you never think to say face to face. Christmas is the perfect time to put these thoughts into words before it's too late, and the message of love is left unsaid.

Copies of my most recent Christmas letters are on line at my website.

Christmas Letter 2010
Christmas Letter 2009
Christmas Letter 2008
Christmas Letter 2007
Christmas Letter 2006

This year my cards are set to go out on December 8th.

Merry Christmas everybody.

Mindie

Happy First Birthday, Tristan

2011-12-02T10:57:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday, my sweet little footballer.

Bite Me, Boscov's ... and Merry Christmas

2011-12-01T21:52:00.005-05:00

Tonight I did the unthinkable. After working a 13 hour day and driving over 250 miles, I decided to go shopping. In Salisbury. The Crossroads of Delmarva. The home of all the big box stores, chain restaurants, movie theaters... Chuck E. Cheese - and the Mall.

Salisbury is a Mecca of retail chaos. Granted I love this place, but not after work, with a headache, no dinner ... feeling like I want to hurt somebody. It was a recipe for disaster.

But, my little grandson's first birthday is tomorrow, and this was my only chance to buy his present - a toy box. Toys R Us had it.... Toys R Us .... in December... I'd rather pour boiling water in my eyes.

Well, I figured as long as I had to endure the pain of the toy store, I might as well hit Macy's and pick up Lara's gift - and pop into Boscov's and buy my Christmas floor mats. (These were not impulse buys, but needed stuff ... the last things on my Christmas shopping list).

Came out of Macy's with 5 things for me and Lara's gift. So I over spent a little - actually four times what I expected to spend. But the decorations, and music and Martha Stewarts sweet face behind that red and green Christmassy kitchenware got me in the mood ... to buy. So I did.

I went to Toys R Us and came out with Tristan's toy box and two things for me - okay, they were a pack of pretzel M&Ms and batteries - but still more than I planned.

Then, feeling pretty good, I went into Boscov's department store. It was all decked out in Christmas stuff. The floor mats were 50% off. So I picked up four - two for the kitchen, one for each bathroom. Then I got a Christmas garden flag and a box of lights. The girl at the check out was nice. She rang up the sale - $42.61. I gave her my credit card and she examined it. She said, "Do you have your ID because your signature is rubbed off."

I don't carry a purse into stores. I have pockets. I carry my government issued blackberry and my personal iPhone, my car key and my credit card - in pockets. I abhor schlepping a bag around.

I said, "No, I don't carry a purse. But look... here's my state issued blackberry" - I clicked to the settings where my name comes up. "See? There's my name." She wasn't impressed. So I pulled out my iPhone. A manager approached the register. "Look, here's my Facebook profile - see my picture and my name?" Then I flipped to the Internet and pulled up two (of my four) bookmarked blog sites that have both my name and my photo... then over to my CBS news blog.

The manager looked at me with disdain. How dare I ask for an exception. Who did I think I was?

One more time I tried ... "For God's sake, I'm all over the freeking Internet."

To this the manager replied, "Our policy is to require ID if the credit card doesn't have a signature."

Shame on you, Boscov's. You've reduced your staff to being robotic non-thinkers who aren't authorized to assess a customer's credibility or weigh the cost of sending a frustrated customer away angry, against the cost of possibly defrauding Boscov's of $42.

Why didn't I have trouble with a non-signed credit card at Macy's or Toys R Us? Because they never handle the cards. Like Target and Bed Bath and Beyond, Barnes and Noble - and even WalMart, these stores have the customers handle their own cards right with an ATM type device right at the checkout counter.

So when the Boscov's cashier suggest I walk to my car, get my ID and return to the register where they would be happy to take care of the transaction - I replied .... wait for it ...... "Bite Me!"

I didn't scream it or say it even disrespectfully. I said it in a nice kind of way - sort of smiling. Like .. "Bite me .. and Merry Christmas to ya' ... I won't be shopping here."

Boscov's, I wish it was as easy to shop at your store as it is to shop at the other chain stores. I wish you'd empower your managers to make exceptions for people who can reasonably prove identity through sources other than the photo ID. I wish you were more customer service oriented. And, I wish I had my damn bath mats.

Oh....yeah, Boscov's.... you might also consider hiring a marketing editor.

My Best Thanksgiving - Homless, Broke and in Hospital - 1980

2011-11-21T11:22:00.000-05:00

Thirty one Thanksgivings ago I was twenty-one years old and in the hospital. I was homeless, having been evicted from our apartment and was relying on the kindness of my sister who provided a place for me and my 22-month old son to live in her finished basement. My unreliable husband had fled to live with his family, and left me to find the eviction notice on my door.

Sounds like a bad time?

It was one of those dark times in my past - followed by more dark times. But one bright beam of goodness came to me on that Thanksgiving - and it changed every Thanksgiving to come.

On Tuesday morning, November 24, 1980, I woke up in the early hours feeling contractions. My baby was due the next day. I called my ex-husband to come take me to the hospital. When he arrived at my sister's house I couldn't find the car keys to my station wagon. My toddler, Dominic had been playing with them (we found them later tucked in an empty tupperware sugar bowl). So I rode to the hospital in my ex's 1974 Ford Pinto. It had no front seat.... just springs with several blankets thrown on top.

What an awful ride - in so many ways.

But within a few hours, my little miracle was born. I named him after the Elton John song "Daniel" (all my children were named for songs). It's funny how a little newborn face injects hope into the world around, and all those dark places seem to melt away.

In those intimate early moments between mother and newborn child - there's a non-verbal language, which communicates feelings so deep. Like every mother, I blessed him, I prayed for him, I vowed to protect him, to cherish him. I wondered what he'd become, what kind of family he'd have, whether or not he'd love me forever the way I knew I'd love him.

I didn't get to hold Daniel right away. He'd gone into fetal distress, so for the first days I had to look at him through the nursery window in his little isolette. Finally, in the early hours of Thanksgiving day, the nurse wheeled Daniel into my room and lifted him out of his plexiglass infant bed on wheels and handed him to me. He had enormous blue eyes... almost too big for his little face. I was in love.

Still am.

How could any subsequent Thanksgiving top that?

Daniel and I spent his first Thanksgiving in my hospital bed. He'd cry every time I'd put him down, so I just held him. My family, who was caring for my other little boy, was celebrating Thanksgiving at somebody's house ... I don't remember where. So it was just Daniel and me for the holiday.

My neighbor, Ruth brought me some of her Thanksgiving dinner that evening. But secretly I hoped she wouldn't stay too long, because I wanted to go back to holding Daniel. My doctor said I held him to much and shouldn't fall asleep with him in the bed.

I ignored the doctor.

That was a great beginning, and though Daniel gave me some worrisome times, he turned out to be such a nice young man - a wonderful son, husband and father.

Daniel with his daughter, Mia - photo by Amber Santi

Danny is a lot of fun. He can laugh at himself .. and at all of us. He never took himself (or anyone else) too seriously. He has always been able to make me laugh.

I'm still thankful for Danny and his brother and sister. Each one has brought something special and ever changing into my world.

Danny is my Thanksgiving baby. All our Thanksgivings are combined with a celebrating his birthday, which always falls within a day or two.

This year - his birthday is on Thanksgiving, and we're going to his house for dinner.

Happy birthday, Danny Boy. I love you, so.

Savannah Georgia - What to See, Do and Eat

2011-11-10T14:13:00.000-05:00

Savannah, Georgia is one of the most travel friendly, historically interesting, haunted, walkable, picturesque cities in America. The city in close to the the Atlantic beaches at Tybee Island - which is another fun destination in itself, but Savannah also has beautiful waterways and marshes that provide that "low country" setting which forces a body to relax. Here are some tips for making the most of a short visit:

Go to the Visitor Center first and get one of their maps
There are many brochures and guidebooks that have a street map of Savannah, but none like the one provided for free at the Savannah Visitor Center on Martin Luther King Blvd. My experience was that the help behind the counter wasn't particularly helpful .. I don't mean attitude, just not extremely knowledgeable about Savannah. Perhaps they were volunteers just helping out. The visitor center is inside the rail museum which is also worth a visit.

Buy the 48 hour parking pass at the Visitor Center
Parking in Savannah is free on the weekends, but if you're there during the week, the best deal is the pass purchased at the visitor center which allows you to park free for 48 hours in any of the metered or public spaces.

Hop a Trolley Tour
We took Old Town Trolley Tours which we picked right at the Visitor Center. It's an excellent way to get an overview of the city, its famous residents (past and present), it's history, architecture and scenic setting. Tours leave every 20 minutes and cover most of the major sites in the city. Total tour runs 90 minutes but guests can hop on and off at 15 different stops. Price for us was $20 and the ticket was good all day - 9:00 am to 4:30.

Do a Ghost Tour
Savannah is the most haunted city in America. There are scores of houses, parks, cemeteries and squares that have reported paranormal activity of some kind. There are many different ghost tours. Because the city is large, the walking tours cover only a small portion and hearing can be difficult. However, a walking tour does allow close proximity to the site and a more personal link. With a driving tour, you see more haunted sites and get an idea for the enormity of places reported to be haunted. The Hearse Tour is fun and the drivers offer the "spooky ghost story" feel. This is good for those who like to be scared. The Historic Haunts tour by trolley includes more historic background and known legendary tales with the focus more on the story and less on the theatrics.

Visit the Cemeteries
Savannah's cemeteries recount its history with particular artistic flair.
Colonial Park is inside the city and is alleged to be haunted with numerous ghost sitings and apparitions. Laurel Grove Cemetery is on the East side of the city and includes the grave of Juliet Gordon Lowe (founder of the Girl Scouts) and James Pierpont, composer of Jingle Bells. This cemetery also has Baby Land which is a wide area, marked by wooden signs where babies were buried in unmarked graves during the early part of the 20th century when infant mortality was high and parents could not afford burial plots.

Do a Walking Tour
There's an excellent Savannah walking tour app for the iPhone. This is what we used. It takes you square by square. You can choose to do whichever ones you want, and take a day or several days. The Visitor center also has information on Walking Tours. You take in so much more on foot than by car or Trolley. We listened to the app dialog in the car while driving to Savannah. It gave a great background. Then we took the Trolley Ride. The next day we did a few squares on foot. This gives you time to notice the details.

The Vacation of Many Cars with Teens from Hell.

2011-08-31T16:00:00.008-04:00

Single mother takes two teenagers and an eleven year old on a cross-country vacation. During the vacation she loses one car and buys three more. Surprisingly, her now-grown children remember this three weeks of hell as a fun summer when they got see Mount Rushmore, the Mall of America, Ed Debevick's (Chicago), Colorado Springs and Rocky Mountain National Park. No one would believe the real story. But it's true. I was the mother and there are three people who can confirm the details. Dominic, Daniel and Lara.

In 1995 I was a young widow, 36 years old. Dominic was sixteen, Daniel fourteen, and Lara had just turned eleven. I knew vacations were important. They created memories that lasted a lifetime. Even growing up in my crazy family that loved little and shared less, the best memories were of the vacations. I wanted my kids to have these memories.

So we piled in our Ford Econoline conversion van, equipped with a television (a big deal in 1995), comfy seats and a bed in the back, and room enough that no one had to be "touching" during the ride. We took to the road in August.

Keep in mind I'm traveling with teenagers. They have two main interests - constant personal fun and avoiding parents. They considered my ideas boring, my enthusiasm for the sites and venues silly. They questioned why I couldn't buy them more stuff. I embarrassed them. To them, I was a money machine who could drive.

Sound callous? You bet. You try schlepping adolescents across country in a car.

But I loved them. In fact, I was crazy about them ... each little negative, insecure, self-centered bit of them. I wanted them to have vacation memories, and was willing to suffer in order to provide them. The Vacation of Many Cars was mega-memory.

I had just made the final payment on the van before we left, and it was in great condition still with low mileage. It was a comfortable ride. First stop, Chicago. I booked us a room in the Omni downtown and took the kids to Ed Debevick's for dinner. Ed's is always a hit with kids. At Ed's, the help is rude and they insult the customers. Their motto is "Eat and get out!" The staff occasionally bursts into joint theatrics such as jumping on the diner counter (while customer's are eating) and breaking into a song-and-dance version of YMCA. As I suspected, my teenagers loved it.

Because I had a conversion van that was too tall for Chicago's parking garages, I chose valet parking and let the Omni figure out where to park our car. I planned to spend a full day in Chicago - Navy Pier, shopping on Michigan Avenue, Michael Jordans, Ed Debevick's - and then leave at dark to let these tired kids sleep their way across upper Illinois and WisCOWsin. The next stop was Mall of America in St. Paul. I planned to put the kids on shuttle to the Mall, sleep awhile in the hotel, and then join them later.

We had a glitch.

When valet parking went to retrieve our van, it was gone. Stolen. The attendant said, "Ma'am, I looked all over that lot for your car, and where it was... only glass now."

What to do, what to do? Omni put us up another night - this time in a complimentary suite. The kids loved this part because they got to stay in a three-room hotel suite with all-day movies and unlimited room service, while I solved our "no vehicle" problems.

My options were:

Fly home - This was very expensive and we had way too much stuff to be able to load it on a plane. Secondly, insurance wouldn't cover cost of flying home. Thirdly, kids would be gravely disappointed.
Rent a car - My insurance wouldn't cover the cost of a rental to replace a stolen truck - just a stolen car. The van was considered a truck. Secondly, mileage put on a rental would be over 5000. This was in the days before free unlimited mileage.
Buy another car - Seemed like the only alternative. Chicago PD almost guaranteed me that a stolen conversion van would never be found - not in one place anyway.

I bought a pre-owned conversion van from a Ford dealer, Chicago. It was older and not as nice, but it would do for finishing the vacation. It was a two-toned white Econoline with burgundy trim and matching crushed velvet interior. Yuk! I picked up the kids in our new (old) van and we drove through the Midwest dark to St. Paul.

Awful Ford Van Purchased at Chicago Dealership

I soon realized the air conditioning didn't work. There were also all kinds of wires running under the dash - obviously, some homemade electronics. The television stopped working shortly after we left Chicago. The blinds torn off and stereo tape player chewed up three tapes. My heart was sinking, the kids were complaining. I kept talking about the mall. They finally fell asleep.

We got into our hotel in St. Paul at 10 am the next morning. When we got out of the van, my son Dominic said, "Mom, this van is pink. Did you know that?"

Oh, my God! I had bought a pink vehicle. I felt so cheap. All I needed now was a pimp and blinds for the windows. Mental images of this van's prior life made me sick. It was dark outside when I bought it. I didn't detect the faint pastel pink color. The kids were mortified (except Lara who liked that we had a pink van). Me? Mental breakdown approaching.

But ... I managed to pull myself together. I sent my teenagers to the Mall with Lara and decided to ditch the van. With no sleep in 36 hours, I drove to Apple Ford in Minneapolis and explained the whole catastrophe to a nice salesman who assured me that they could trade in the van for another pre-owned vehicle. I opted for a Ford Bronco. It was a little smaller, no TV, $5000 more, but everything worked.

I left my sleazy pink van at Apple Ford and drove back to the hotel in a slick, forest green Ford Bronco that I imagined was previously owned by an L.L. Bean sort of guy who loved the outdoors and wore a lot of khaki colored clothes.

I was asleep for two hours before my hotel room phone rang. It was the young finance guy from Apple Ford asking me to bring the Bronco back. It seemed Ford Motor Credit couldn't complete the deal because it would take 3 days to get a clear title for the pink van. The deal was a non-deal. I told the finance guy to "Bite me." I said I had a temporary registration, the keys and the van, and paperwork glitches weren't my problem. I hung up.

An hour later the phone rang again. It was the same finance guy saying he was going to lose his job if I didn't return the car. He begged me. I caved. I drove my beautiful, forest green Ford Bronco that I had secretly named "Hunter" back to the dealership. With disgust I took back my pimp ride.

I went to pick up the kids at the Mall. After we ate dinner, I lost my 14 year old. You would not believe what you have to go through to retrieve a lost child from that monster of a complex. Working with Mall of America security, I watched a line of live-video monitors broadcasting various spots in the mall, and responded to officers on the monitors saying - "is this him? ... is that him?..." I was thinking, I could say yes to any number of kids, how would they know? How secure is this? Then I thought, who'd say yes to collect the wrong teenager? It's bad enough to have to say yes to get back the right one.

After about an hour they found him in a music store, not at all worried about his frantic mother.

This wrecked what was left of a barely bearable day. Signs of a nervous breakdown moved closer.

The next morning we left to drive across the Minnesota country side and the flat lands of South Dakota in an un-air-conditioned vehicle. Bored teenagers are a serious problem. Hot bored teenagers stuck in a car for 12 twelve hours - pending disaster. Hot, frustrated mother tasked with driving hot bored teenagers for said 12 hours, occasionally being flagged down by hookers who thought pink van was a rolling brothel - homicide risk. It was hell, but we eventually got to Mount Rushmore.

Lara in the Badlands

Seeing Mount Rushmore and the Crazy Horse Monument made us feel like we were back on vacation. We talked with Lakota Sioux Indians and visited the Rosebud Reservation where I recounted the story of Wounded Knee for them as we took in a panoramic view of the massacre site and cemetery. Then we saw the Badlands. This was a good few days. Crazy Horse is a wonderful site for teenagers. They can get into the stories of Indian persecution and the hero that rose from the ashes. And Crazy Horse's figure being chiseled into that mountainside is a powerful site. We wrapped up the South Dakota spur of our trip with a ride through the Bear Country Safari. Another hit with teens. They loved all the "DON"T GET OUT OF YOUR CAR" drama depicted on signs throughout the park.

Daniel - feeding prairie dog in South Dakota

Next stop - Denver. As long as we took the long parts of the drive at night, I figured the floozy mobile would serve adequate until I could get it back home and ditch it - or paint it. But disaster struck in Lusk, Wyoming, also known as "The Little Town with Big Possibilities."

It was 1 am in downtown Lusk. The only thing open was a gas station. It was so hot. We stopped for gas. While filling up, I attempted to open the locked door of the passenger side of the van. A car alarm went off. I didn't know the van had an alarm. We couldn't shut it off. Lights were going on in houses and buildings all around us - people being woken up from the sound. The attendant tried to help. No one could figure it out how to shut it off. My son Dominic (very shy) was mortified. I thought he would dissolve right there in the lot. Daniel and Lara hid in the van away from the prying eyes of the locals who were shocked at being disturbed at such an hour.

We had no choice but to wake up the town mechanic who lived outside the town limits. After 25 minutes of constant blaring, the mechanic arrived, looked under the hood, cut one wire with some snips, and the alarm stopped. I paid him $75. We slithered out of Lusk at 2 am.

On the night drive through Wyoming, I decided to buy a new car in Cheyenne and ditch this van regardless of the cost.

Our fist day in Cheyenne, I visited local Chevy dealer. I told my story to the top salesman there and said, "Can you take this van as a trade in, and finance a new vehicle I can drive away with today?" He said, "We'll make it happen." We surrendered the sleazy pink van and left in a brand new, metallic blue - 2 door - Chevy Blazer. We were off to Denver. And that little car transaction, only cost me $20,000.

Dominic at Rocky Mountain National Park

We visited Colorado Springs and Rocky Mountain National Park. The mountains didn't seem to impress the kids. Mountains were boring. They were at each other all the time, fighting. The boys were teasing the eleven year old. The Blazer was too small. They were cramped. Oh, the injustice of it all! They had to "touch" each other while riding.

I remember saying, "That's it! We're going home. Vacation's over." We left Denver and made it home in two days with the kids complaining the whole way. When we pulled into our driveway, the sense of relief felt by all four of us was palpable.

I considered the Vacation of Many Cars a disaster.

Dominic is 32 now and Daniel is 30. Lara is 27. I recently asked them about this vacation. They remembered it as being wonderful. Really!?!

Dominic said he loved Colorado Springs and giggled when he remembered the embarrassment of Lusk Wyoming. He recalled it perfectly. Daniel remembered Crazy Horse, Rushmore and prairie dogs. Of course, my little princess Lara remembered the shopping spree at Mall of America where she got some fantastic purple boots. All the memories were wonderful. Go figure.

For me ... the Vacation of Many Cars taught me some lessons. How to buy a car and .... how not to buy a car. How to survive (barely) a cross-country road trip with teenagers. More importantly, it taught me that vacations with teens are worth the trauma. It's an investment that pays off when they're older. All the memories magically turn good when they like you again.

I'm still crazy about each one of these remarkable people who happen to be my children. I can't wait until they begin their own family vacations and suffer through the same drama with their kids. And I'll be there to assure them that it will all work out for the best.

When they, "Mom, should I really drag these nasty teenagers along for vacation - a vacation they don't even want to go on? Nothing we do ever makes them happy. They try our patience at every turn."

I'll remind them that making vacation memories is worth it in the end. I'll encourage them to endure the trauma, because I want my grandchildren to have the same fond memories of travel ... but also I get a wicked sense of satisfaction in knowing my children will go through the same hell.

Consequenses of Defriending or Unfriending on Facebook.

2011-08-29T18:54:00.000-04:00

Unfriending or defriending (same thing) a person on Facebook can be costly if you're using Facebook to advance your business or cause. Most of us have done it - and most of us have had it done to us. Unfriending seems to stick in our minds ... if we are the "unfriended."

Unlike "hiding" friends on Facebook - where you exclude their posts from your newsfeed (and they never know), unfriending cuts the connection completely. It's forever.

When you unfriend people you're telling them that there's no place in your Facebook world for them. They are so offensive or obnoxious or boring that hiding isn't enough. You've got to cut the cord, slam the door, exclude them from your circle.

Defriending hurts.

Men have a harder time with this concept than women - thinking that being defriended hurts, but men typically have a harder time with reconciling feelings ... oh, never mind.

Trust me, on this one. If you're using Facebook to advance your business, unfriending can cost you.

People Know When You Defriend

While Facebook doesn't officially notify the defriended, they usually figure it out. To unfriend a person, you must go to that person's page, scroll down to the bottom left and click on a link that says Remove from Friends - then respond to a pop-up menu that says Are you sure you want to remove [your friend's name here] as your friend?

Unfriending is never accidentally done.

You hear it all the time in friendly conversation. "She defriended me" or "I used to be that guy's friend on Facebook. I wonder if he unfriended me." Then there's the awkwardness of meeting the person you unfriended face-to-face. There's that quiet tension. Thoughts race - "Does he know I unfriended him? Is he still using Facebook? Geez, I hope I never need him for anything."

Yeah .. that's the rub - meeting the unfriended and needing something from her like a referral, or a recommendation or an invitation to participate in an networking event, or just to sit casually with her circle of friends. In the social world this is no big deal. But in the networking business world, it can be a killer. You'll find yourself praying the unfriended will forget your stupidly and not trash your name all over town.

If you don't like seeing someone's posts in your newsfeed, hide them. They'll never know. If you want to know what they're posting, visit their walls or unhide them. There's no cost.

There's a cost to defriending. If you're going to do it, be sure the value you get is worth it.

Some People Deserve to be Defriended

There are certain behaviors on Facebook that are unacceptable. Set your standards and have a formula you use for who gets defriended. It's easier to follow standards than to make an arbitrary decision in the midst of conflict or tension.

Here are some good reasons to defriend:

Socially inappropriate behavior - judged the same virtually as person. Includes using profanity, suggestive language, inappropriate photos
Flaming friends in the comments section of your post - flaming = heated / disrespectful confrontation
Direct selling (only pushes a product or agenda on Facebook)
Flinging moral judgements against you or your friends - preaching, prejudice, bigotry.
Marginalizing your access to his or her wall. Through the Facebook privacy settings the friend allows a select group post to her wall, and see her postings, but you're not in that group. You're on the "B" list.

These behaviors would be unacceptable in any social situation. Set your own standards and stick to them.

When in Doubt - Hide

If a Facebook friend has offended you, bored you and you're not sure if it will cost you to defriend, just hide the person. Unhide later... or never. You still won't be subjected to the undesirable behavior.

PREVENTATIVE MEASURES: Consider who you allow to be your friend. If a request comes from someone you don't know, you've never met, or looks a little strange in her profile pic, qualify the potential friend first by sending a message. Your social media network is an asset. Manage it well and you'll become a magnet for opportunity. Mismanage it and its value and its power decreases.

Gay People Are Everywhere

2011-08-21T15:35:00.005-04:00

In April of this year, a bill came before the Maryland General Assembly that if passed would allow same sex persons to be married. Just before the vote I was at a reception which included some Maryland legislators (State Senators and State Delegates- for those not up on government lingo).

A friend of mine who is a former journalist and spunky enough to ask anybody anything asked an ultra conservative legislator if he planned on voting YES to the same sex marriage bill.

He rolled his eyes and said, "No."

She asked him "Why? Is it moral reasons or religious ... or..?"

He cut her off and said, "It's strictly for financial reasons. I'm basing my vote on money!"

I had to ask.

"What do you mean, financial reasons?" I quietly asked him in an inquisitive tone.

He replied with great conviction and gi-nor-mouse hand motions and complementary facial expressions, "Look, I don't care what you do. I don't care what they do. That's between them. But I don't want to pay for THEIR benefits. Why should THEY have the same rights as married couples and get the same tax breaks?"

Because I work for the state of Maryland and was at this function as part of my job, I said nothing, which was the proper thing to do. I don't get paid to have political opinions or express them.

But I'm home now at my personal computer on Sunday and I have something to say to the Senator.

Dear Senator,

Gay people aren't like African Americans or Asians or Latinos. You can't tell what constituency they represent just by looking at them. Gay people are everywhere. And they have mothers, and fathers, and siblings and close friends who love them deeply. And who would be repulsed by your comments.

Anyone who knows a gay person intimately - sibling, close friend, child, parent - knows that he or she is a human being who happens to be gay. Gayness is not a trait or a choice.

I figure you must think being gay is a choice and not an inherent part of a person's human composition. I'm basing this assumption on your comment, "I don't care what you do." That seems to define the gay person by sexual behavior alone. Is that how your marriage is defined? Is it possible you are wrong, Senator? What are the repercussions of your behavior - if you are wrong?

This is civil rights issue. My gay loved ones should not be denied their civil rights because you think it's an unfair burden on the tax payers - any more than we should deny children the right to an education, or citizens the right to public safety... both burdens to the tax payer.

And lastly... I will NEVER forget what you said. If I live to be 114, I won't forget your words and how they stung. Those comments will be forever associated with my memory of you and what you stand for. And someday, when those yet unborn look back on history, you, Senator, will be one of those remembered for marginalizing these people and denying them their civil rights.

photo from Huffington Post

Amy Winehouse is Dead - and I Care

2011-07-24T10:53:00.002-04:00

I never knew her. I'd never even heard of her. In my music collection of over 5000 CDs and nearly 5 GB of music on my iPod, there was none of Amy's music.

I never listen to the radio or watch network television, so I'm uninformed about the latest music trends. All these years I've focused on music I like - folk, or Irish or instrumental, and I missed out on new genres, so I never knew Amy's music, or anything about her behavior.

After Amy Winehouse died yesterday of a drug overdose, my Facebook newsfeed was filled with comments about her. Most agreed that a great talent had been lost. But many withheld compassion or sympathy stating Amy Winehouse was spoiled, weak, too rich for her own good and pathetic.

She's Got Talent

Several Facebook friends sent me links to Amy's music. I after listening I can see that this lady was mega-talented. She had amazing voice control, with an ability to add a style that transports the listener emotionally. That's art. And talent like that lives long after death.

I wonder if the same Facebook friends who condemned Amy in their comments would do the same to - say- Vincent Van Gough. He was a certifiable fruit loop. Cut off his ear and all, and eventually .. after rejecting lots of help from loved ones, shot himself. Do we walk into MOMA and scowl at Starry Night while muttering that Vincent wasted his talent, he was selfish and spoiled and just another pathetic artist / loser who refused to get help?

Do we throw all our Mark Twain books in the trash because he selfishly squandered his family's wealth, made bad investments, lost the big house, forced his family to have to live abroad, and emotionally abused his daughter (who was also his final caretaker) - before he finally died a cantankerous, lonely death?

Do we turn off the Wizard of Oz because the star selfishly embraced life in the fast lane and eventually OD'd leaving behind her devoted fans - and her children?

Many artistic legends …. Oscar Wilde, Virginia Wolf, Hemingway, Mozart, Freddie Mercury … All had great talent. All drove their loved ones crazy and came to sad, lonely ends. But we continue to be transformed by what they left behind. As time goes on people stop judging them … because art lives, it transcends our worldly existence, it transports us into the Divine presence … and it's bigger than the humans who create it.

That is enough said about the talent part of Amy Winehouse. Whether she's dead or alive, whether she was selfish or stupid, her art lives and has moved enough listeners to fill up concert halls and win her five Grammys.

Art is a soul to soul communication. And apparently, Amy Winehouse was a master.

She Was an Addict

Each person sees addicts through a particular set of lenses. To some, addicts are selfish because they won't get well or weak because they won't get better... when the cost of not recovering is so great. And to others, addicts need our help, understanding and / or compassion, because they are suffering from an illness. Personal experience prescribes the lenses.

All humans have flaws, and addiction magnifies them. In truth, all addicts are not created equal, and every addict's story has a different plot line. Many things in a life impact recovery. Self motivation and choice are two of those things.

I'm thinking, if you didn't know Amy personally, you should probably withhold judgement.

How Callous Have We Become?

I was surprised by the Facebook comments from what I call the "Amy shouldn't have said 'no, no, no' to rehab" group. While I respect each friend's right to express his or her opinion - and I love a healthy debate - I'm shocked that people can casually remove the human element from this tragedy, and fling out comments like candy in a parade.

She was selfish. She was weak. She wasted her life. She was spoiled. She threw it all away. We're better off without one more selfish rock star ... or the worst ...Who cares?

A young woman is dead. There are people who knew her and loved her who mourn the loss. Only they know her story. Others only know what the media writes. Not a reliable source, that.

A light has gone out. Have we become so hardened by this pop culture that surrounds us, that we forget this was a human being…. and that "...there but for the grace of God goes you - or I?"

Try watching someone you unconditionally love - like your child, or your parent or your sibling - struggle with addiction. It's so easy to judge those at an emotional distance. People feel a sense of power when they pass judgement. It makes them feel all smart and authoritative. I draw this conclusion by being a judgmental, opinionated sort myself. But there are boundaries… I don't know enough about Amy to judge her. And if I did, I'd keep quiet for awhile - just out of respect for life and death.

To my Christian friends …

I'm thinking Jesus wouldn't have passed judgement on Amy, and he wouldn't have wanted us to either. That New Testament story about the prostitute and casting the first stone was pretty powerful. Maybe your sin isn't addiction, but you've got sin - I've got sin.

If I had to be remembered as being on one side of that parable, I'd opt for being on Jesus' side and not the side of the angry mob. Think about it. Who is the angry mob in this scenario?

Some of the same devout Christians I've heard say, "God never gives up on you" spewed venom on the Internet about Amy Winehouse's demise.

Can you say hypocrite?

Separate the Talent from the Addiction

Like most great artists, Amy Winehouse had her madness. She gave us what she gave us, and that will likely live beyond her death.

Her personal life is not for me to judge. I believe that a soul loved by a compassionate Creator deserves to pass into the that Creator's benevolent arms, without a diatribe of condemning comments from people who never knew her.

It seems as time goes by, society forgets the flaws of great artists. Destructive behaviors, craziness and selfishness become a minor part of the biography, and fruits of the artist's creativity dominate the memory.

Perahps time will be kind to Amy Winehouse.

5 Do's and Don'ts for Facebook Pages

2011-04-06T21:27:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I noticed two thirds of the posts on my Facebook Newsfeed were from PAGES not profiles. Some pages had posted 3 to 7 times that day alone. The posts ranged from direct marketing (new promotion, special offer, we're great) to arbitrary posts with links and videos attached.

Today I noticed a PAGE had a third party application called FeedBlitz attached to its PAGE where entire blog posts were fed into the Facebook PAGE status. I got three today - combined word count - 1234 from those three posts.

I fear there's some trainer out there saying, "Shove content at people any way you can - Facebook, Twitter, Blogging, LinkedIn. In fact, hook them all together with one application to really maximize the power." They're maximizing power, all right. But it won't reflect well on those shoving the content.

It's so annoying. As a Facebook user and as a writer, I get that PAGES can assist an overall marketing plan and help businesses and organizations, but if you annoy potential customers / members, and force them to hide you or unlike your PAGE, what's the point?

5 FACEBOOK PAGE DOs and DON"Ts

Don't ...

clog up my Newsfeed - Remember, when you invite a person to LIKE your PAGE, you ask that person to allow your posts to show up in his or her newsfeed. Everytime you or admins post in the status bar on the page, you send that post to each fan's newsfeed. Facebook is a "social" platform that spins on the axis of the personal profile. Remember folks are there to engage socially with Facebook friends. Pages are an added bonus not the basis of the platform. One post is day or five posts a week is plenty. More than that is SPAM in my opinion. If you want to post several times a day, do it from your profile.
direct sell - Naturally, you have a Facebook Page so you can eventually market your products, services or organization. But if you consistently do that, it annoys people. No one wants to sign up for commercials. The Page should serve the fans. Mention your services or products in the context of serving the fans.
think Facebook is Twitter, LinkedIn or your blog - Each of these platforms has a certain accepted protocol. Each is very different. Avoid using all-in-one programs that send every posts to all of your social media platforms at once.
use more than three or four lines in your posts - Text intensive posts from the status bar are often passed by. People like short. Make use of NOTES in Facebook. They are a fabulous tool that allows you to put more text in a separate, linked page. NOTES also allows you to use photo images, and can easily be shared by your fans on their profile pages which attracts more fans to your page.
double post between your Page and you Profile - I learned this the hard way. I'd post something to a page and then re-post the same thing from my profile thinking all my friends weren't necessarily fans and I wanted the widest exposure. One of my friends told me he saw no use in being a fan of my page. He figured he got all the same stuff being my friend. Duplicate posts clog up the newsfeed. If you've already posted to your Page, change the post for your profile, and post it at a different time.

Do ...

make your Page one that "serves" your fans - The Facebook PAGE should be one that gives the fans what they want - not what the administrator wants to shove at them. Post something you'd like to read yourself.
encourage comments and engage the fans in conversation - The statistics for Facebook Pages overwhelmingly show that the most successful, influential Pages are those with a lot of interaction with the fans. If you're getting lots of comments, you're doing well. As the administrator, you should recognize each post and as many comments as possible. People want to know someone is listening.
allow fans to post and welcome controversy- I've seen many pages where administrators don't allow fans to post to the page. Spammers are out there and I, too have been a victim of having someone spam my page. I remedy that by checking my pages everyday, sometimes two or three times. If I find spam, I report it to Facebook and delete the post. When gauging spam comments over the hundreds of non-spam, it's less than 5% spam. The interaction with the fans is the lifeblood of the page. Also sometimes I get people who challenge my posts or publicly disagree with me. As long as it's respectful, this is a good thing. It encourages interaction which is the lifeblood of your page.
allow the fans to know who you are - With every good fan page there's a curiosity of who is behind the page. Let your fans know that though the page is called "XYZ Services" there is a face behind the page that belongs to a person.
protect your fans from third party sellers on your page - I frequently have fans post about their own competitive pages or venues on the fan page. This isn't necessarily a bad thing ... it's all in how it's done. If your fans think they're going to get commercials from other people when they visit your page, they'll leave. They'll Unlike your page. And you may never know why. A good rule of thumb is ... if it sounds like "selling" delete the comment. If it happens a second time, delete and warn the poster through a private message. Third time - block!

One more pet peeve .... Don't force me to a landing page. Lots of people disagree with me on this, but I hate when I go to a Page and I land on something other than the wall. If I see a special landing page, I'll find it myself. I don't need to be escorted to what you want me to see first. It feels like selling.

Facebook pages have made me considerable money, but only as an indirect support that gains exposure for my work. I may not be an expert, but I've had great success. I'd also love to hear how some of you have made PAGES work. Please pass on your idea.

Next post I'll discuss 5 of my favorite facebook pages and what makes them great. Stay tuned.

By the way, if you're interested in looking at my Pages ...

Haunted Eastern Shore

Thin Places Mystical Tour of Ireland

Viral Networking With Social Media

How to Target Posts and Read Exclusive Newsfeeds on Facebook

2011-03-11T09:09:00.002-05:00

Have you ever wished you could post a status that would only get read by a certain group of friends - perhaps work colleagues, or people in a certain geographic area?

Have you ever wished you could post a status that would only get read by a certain group of friends - perhaps work colleagues, or people in a certain geographic area?

Have you ever wanted to post a photo that you didn't want all your Facebook friends to find in their Newsfeeds?

MAXIMIZING THE USE OF FRIENDS LISTS
For those of us in business there are times when we fear we'll boring our friends and family with the posts that pertain to business, or want to make a inside joke that only old high school friends would understand. Posts that fit everyone become more challenging to create as our number of Facebook friends grows.

Facebook has created a built in capacity for managing friends from diverse social associations. The tool for organizing groups of friends is the Friends List. Currently I have over 1000 Facebook friends. All are organized into a series of Facebook lists. Some by geographic area, some by niche associations (old friends, family, writers, travel, business development). This makes it easy for me to post to certain groups and read Newsfeeds exclusive to certain groups (comes in handy when you have limited time to scan your Newsfeed and want to be sure to see posts from certain groups).

CREATING A LIST

Click on ACCOUNT (upper right of Facebook screen near PROFILE), then Edit Friends, Create List. Enter the name for the list in the box provided. Click on the icons of all your friends to go on this list. Save.

HINT: I find that typing in the names that come to mind in the search box provided above the friend icons is helpful. I do that first, then scroll the icons and click on friends to complete the list.

HINT 2: Friends can be added to multiple lists. For example, someone in my FAMILY list might also be on my DC AREA.

POST TO .... and READING FROM ... Specific Lists

To Read a Newsfeed containing posts ONLY of friends on an Exclusive list.

Activate the MOST RECENT feed at the top right of your Newsfeed.
Click on the down arrow next to Most Recent to activate the drop drown menu. Your first few lists with "choose another" will appear. If the list you want is not visible, click Choose Another to reveal all of your Friends Lists.
Select a List to aggregate a Newsfeed of those friends exclusively.
A Newsfeed will appear that contains only posts from friends on that selected list.

To Post only to a specific list

Activate the MOST RECENT feed at the top right of your Newsfeed.
Click on the down arrow next to Most Recent to activate the drop drown menu. Your first few lists with "choose another" will appear. If the list you want is not visible, click Choose Another to reveal all of your Friends Lists.
Select a List. What you post here, will ONLY appear in the Newsfeeds of the Friends on that list.

NOTE: This technique does not make your posts inaccessible to friends not on that list. Those friends can still find the post on your wall. This is simply a way to target certain Newsfeeds and highlight certain posts.

More Social Media Tips on the Viral Networking Facebook Fan Page.

Uncle Tony on President Roosevelt and Cowboys

2011-03-05T09:43:00.001-05:00

Guest blogger today is Antonio Granados, a retired Marine Major, father of six, native Marylander and patriarch of my Granados family. Uncle Tony is one of the best story tellers I know, and every morning there is a story or two in my inbox from him. This one of the many I thought was worth sharing with all of you.

78 years ago today, March 4, 1933, I went from my home in Riverdale, MD, into Washington, D.C. to see the parade celebrating the Inauguration of Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

As a ten year old kid, I worked my way into the front of the line of parade viewers at Pennsylvania Avenue and "E" Street, NW. I saw President Hoover and President Elect Roosevelt ride up to the Capitol in an open Limo. and then I saw them come back as Ex-President Hoover and President Roosevelt.

The parade started and, to me, it was very exciting. Talk about the
expectations from a new President! I don't think that there has ever been more expectation than what the country expected of President Roosevelt.

As an historic event it was unique, however in all honesty, I wasn't there to see the history, I was there to see the most famous cowboy of all time, Tom Mix and his horse Tony. My patience paid off. Finally, there came Tom Mix on his horse prancing down Pennsylvania Avenue with Tom waving his huge, white, cowboy hat to me and all the other parade spectators. Opened mouth, I felt I had seen god.

There were many other displays in the parade, like famous, female movie stars sitting in chairs on a slowly revolving platform. I couldn't tell one from another because they were all beautiful and with their makeup on, they all looked the same to me. I watched the parade until I got bored and then left. I saw what I came to see, so for me, the parade was over.

I went home to the reality of the Great Depression, older men selling apples on the street corners for 5¢ each and jobs, if you could get one, in grocery stores paying $14.00 a week to a married man with a family. Things were tough.....just like today.....maybe a little worse.

Antonia Granados writes from his home in Levittown, PA

Bonaventure Cemetery - Ghosts, Gardens and Art on the Wilmington River

2011-03-02T04:31:00.002-05:00

Savannah, Georgia is a city of superlatives ... America's most haunted city, home to the First African Baptist Church, the oldest city in Georgia with oldest building still standing in the state (Pirates House), the oldest continually operational theater in United States (Savannah Theater), and ... the most scenic cemetery in America.

That would be Bonaventure.

This particular cemetery lies outside the historic city limits. It was once a plantation graced with a beautiful mansion owned by a man who planted a live oak every 15 feet along the roadway winding through the plantation. Some of those oaks still stand. These holy trees nurture the landscape, holding the memories of all that has happened at Bonaventure, every sorrow, every joy.

Locals say one Christmas around 1800, there was a great party at the plantation house. A fire broke out. The host didn't panic, rather he simply moved the party outside, apparently unruffled by the drama. The house burned and burned, but the host and guests remained calm and celebratory refusing to allow the tragedy to dampen the festivities. They dined outside while the house burned to the ground. The host cast his wine glass against an oak tree as a sign of celebration. His guests copied his action in some sort of high-spirited demonstration of happiness despite the uncontrollable destruction in the background. They laughed, they sang, they danced. On cool autumn nights when the moon and wind are just right, lurkers near Bonaventure hear the crashing of goblets against the oak and the laughter of the guests.

A great Live Oak dominates the entrance of Bonaventure Cemetery. Perhaps it's the same one that took the brunt of the hurled wine glasses that Christmas long ago. Stories from of Savannah's past like the one of the plantation owner hang thick over Bonaventure. Every plot, has a story. Many are decorated with stone memorials that open the door to that eternal world for the visitor that has a spirit sensitive to art.

Conrad Aiken's stone with the quote, "Cosmos Mariner - Destination Unknown"rests just opposite of his parents who died as a result of a murder / suicide when Conrad was just a child. Composer, Johnny Mercer lies in a family plot where all his family members have epitaphs extracted from the text of his songs. Scores of Civil War soldiers are memorialized, some with their swords, bronzed and melded to the burial vaults. Then there's little Gracie Watson. The silent tomb of a six year only child of parents who ran a large hotel in town. Just before Easter they bought Gracie a new outfit and had her photograph made. She died six weeks later. The grief stricken parents had her buried at Bonaventure and marked her grave with a life size statue sculpted by John Walz.

Savannahians wanted Bonaventure to be like a park where visitors could come and walk in a peaceful setting, surrounded by the lush, southern landscape dappled with remarkable art memorializing the sons and daughters of Savannah. The art at Bonaventure speaks in a way art in a house or museum cannot. In this place, the setting is married to the art object and together they create a tapestry that includes every image in the setting... including the visitor.

Bonaventure has a magnetic draw, pulling the visitor into someplace not of this world. Into the stories of the people under the markers, into the landscape itself where the visitor becomes an image in a working story that hasn't ended yet.

We visited Bonaventure with our son and daughter-in-law and our little granddaughter. Our Bonaventure story is captured in the slide show below. It shows contrast between life and death, sadness and joy, hope and despair in that quintessential southern setting. This stop was my favorite of the entire Savannah visit.

Washington DC - 7 Things to Do in One Day

2011-02-07T12:17:00.002-05:00

Washington, DC visitors often have just one day to visit the city. They may be in town for a conference, or visiting friends locally, and the Capital city sites must be crammed into one single free day. Sadly, most choose one site, maybe two and the time is gone. Washington, DC is an emotionally charged city. It makes a world statement simply by being. It is the center of the free world. It is a city of tributes and a testimony to achieving the unthinkable by nurturing creativity with freedom.

For a rich visitor experience, one should absorb some of that emotion and witness the outcome of creative minds, fueled by passion and joined in action toward a common purpose.

Here are seven things to see in Washington DC that offer a rich experience and balance between monuments, museums and incredible public spaces.

Start your day at the Smithsonian metro stop on the Mall. As you face the Mall, the Capitol will be on your right. This is a walking tour and will span the two miles between the Capitol building and the Lincoln Memorial - both anchors at the end of a wide, rectangular pubic space that includes the the Capitol, the Mall, the Washington Monument, the Reflecting pool, and the Lincoln Memorial, with views of the White House and the Jefferson Memorial. National Geographic has a good walking tour map, that can serve as a handy reference.

1. The Capitol - Walk toward the Capitol, and take notice of the House side and the Senate side (as you face the Capitol - with your back to the Mall, the House side is on the right). Also note the figure on top of the rotunda. Who is it? It's not a warrior, not a political hero, not an Indian ... it is ... a woman. Simply that. She is also known as the Statue of Freedom. Climb the 88 steps to the top and absorb the view. Reflect on the images that mark the city skyline - the Washington monument, the Library of Congress (green dome), the Old Post Office (2nd highest building in Washington). You are standing in the dead center of the most powerful city in the world. All city roads lead to this building, and the quadrants (NE, SE, SW and NW) are all defined from this central point.

2. The National Archives - Descend the Capitol steps and move to the right. Between the National Gallery of Art and the Natural History Museum - across Constitution Ave, is the National Archives. Check out Charters of Freedom where the actual documents- Declaration of Independence, Constitution and the Bill of Rights as well as one of four existing copies of the Magna Carta are on display. Also check out the public vault which has stacks of documents, letters, treaties and hand-written speeches for public viewing. The National Archives recently acquired some Indian treaties. Read the saga of the Lakota Indians and their struggle to keep their land. Currently (through April 2011) the Archives has the Discovering the Civil War exhibit that rivals any in the country. It details the consequences of this war and the toll it took on this country. Allow about 90 minutes here.

Time for some Smithsonian visits. With only one day to visit the city, it is wiser to scope out one or two specific exhibits instead of trying to see the entire museum.

3. National Gallery of Art - All art is subjective, but his gallery has some unique collections worth seeing. Visit the West building, and acquire a floor map of the first floor. Look over the categories that most appeal to you and spend one hour here. These works are so memorable, they'll hang with you long after you leave the city. My favorites are:

The Mill - Rembrandt Van Rijn
Girl with a Broom - Rembrandt Van Rijn
St. George and the Dragon - Raphael
The Tragedy - Pablo Piccaso (spectacular)
Christ Cleansing the Temple - El Greco
The Girl with the Watering Can - August Renoir (absolute favorite work of art)
The Ballerina - August Renoir
Self Portrait - Vincent Van Gogh
Wind and the Sea - Andrew Wyeth (newly acquired)

Time to grab a bite of lunch - try a food stand or the cafe in the National Gallery of Art (lower level).

4. Dinosaurs at the Museum of Natural History - The Smithsonian has some excellent online maps to help you identify the museum complexes on the Mall. Snag a map of the Natural History Museum floor plan and go directly to the Dinosaur and Fossil display on the main level. (Turn right at the African elephant). This is one of the largest collections of reassembled dinosaur bones in the world. Impressive! Spend one hour here.

5. The Star Spangled Banner at the Museum of American History. Enter the American History Museum and go to the second floor. The Star Spangled Banner exhibition is new and shows the actual flag that flew over Fort McHenry during the last battle of the War of 1812. The same flag Francis Scott Key spied as he watched from a ship in the Baltimore harbor and was inspired to write the down the words that became our national anthem. The flag is over 30 feet long. Most are surprised by its enormity. The interpretive signage and self guided tour allows the visitor to understand the history of the flag, the designer and maker, the family who cared for it after the battle, U.S. President who clipped out a star as a souvenir gift, and the history of the anthem the flag inspired. Allow at least one hour for this tour.

6. Walking Tour by the Reflecting Pool. As you make your way to the Lincoln Memorial, spend some time taking in one of the most magnificent public spaces in the country. Notice everything along the way. Everything in Washington has meaning. The Washington Monument dominates the view. The tallest building in the city is dedicated to George Washington, and there is a city ordinance that prohibits any building to be taller. The White House is opposite the great obelisk on the right. Stop in front of the reflecting pool and view the Lincoln Memorial as a tiny reflection framed by trees that line the pool. Walk along the right side of the pool (Constitution Ave side). As you move toward the Lincoln Memorial, imagine this every acre of this area covered with the thousands of people who marched for freedom when Martin Luther King delivered his "I Have a Dream Speech." Nearing the Lincoln Memorial, wander over to the Vietnam Memorial, so well blended into the landscape that it can be easily missed, but compelling- if not heartbreaking upon closer inspection.

5. The Lincoln Memorial - As a native Washingtonian, I rank this as the best site in the Nation's Capital. It's the perfect climax to city tour and is best experienced at dusk - or better yet, at dark. As you climb the steps, note that the 36 Doric columns that surround the building represent the 36 states in the Union at the time of Lincoln's death. The mammoth size Lincoln sitting in the chair is meant to mirror the giant public image Lincoln possessed in his day. It also represents the two sides of Lincoln. Lincoln's left side shows his eye giving a cold stare and his hand clenched, representing his resolute conviction to keeping the nation undivided. Lincoln's right hand is slack and his right eyebrow raised thoughtfully showing his sensitivity and love for all Americans, north and south. Finally, notice the Gettysburg Address engraved on the wall. Read it aloud. Even the subtlest whisper can be heard throughout the memorial. People will fall silent, almost reverently as they hear you read, even if you're only reading to yourself. Want to stop all the tourists in their tracks? Have a child read it.

End you day by walking completely around the Lincoln memorial and take in the views; the full image of the Washington Monument shown in the reflecting pool, the Jefferson Memorial's domed roof across the tidal basin, Arlington Cemetery and the Lee Mansion - and if you look closely - the Iwo Jima Memorial can be faintly seen in the distance. All of these are doubly powerful when viewed at dark. The magnitude of emotion these views generate in all people can be overwhelming.

If you start in the morning and allow time for lunch and dinner, this full day can be accomplished with ease and the only cost is meals. All DC attractions are free.

Remember ... always get the biggest squeeze out of your travels.

Five Tips For PowerPoint Presentions that Don't Suck

2011-01-24T17:12:00.001-05:00

Last week I spent hours pouring through 388 pages of Rick Altman's 2nd edition of Wy Most Powerpoint Presentations Suck: and How You Can Make Them Even Better. I cried heavily, the sad truth revealed. My presentations suck. I was guilty of too much text, too many bullets, reading from my slides, bad design templates and inadequate font size. Thank God I didn't suffer from the scourge of animation .. I've always hated Powerpoints with animation.

The book is well laid out, easy to understand and offers some remarkable tips not only for creating a winning slide presentation that maximizes the retention of the audience, but also for help with soft skills, handling nerves, public speaking, pacing the presentation, and working the room. The last section refers specifically to the technical aspect of the PowerPoint software. .. a mini software tutorial.

Five things I learned that made the $28 investment more than worth the value:

Don't EVER read from the slide - Human behavior and learning experts agree that people cannot adquately listen and read at the same time. They can do one and then the other. But the human brain will cancel one of the two that occur simultaneously. In a classroom setting, the audience is most likely choose to read and note-take over listening to a speaker. Slides should have a graphic or limited wording to support the speaker's concept.
Bullet points make you stupid - Like many presenters, I created my presentation with bullet points that recapped important topics. Those same bullet points would continue to reinforce those topics thought the presentation handouts, where the audience could take notes right next to the printed bullet points. They love those PowerPoint handouts. It's natural to affirm that desire and give them what they want, right? Wrong. As stated in point #1, the audience can't read the slide and listen to you at the same time. This reduces the audience's retention. Secondly, consistent polling of audiences shows people almost NEVER refer back to those presentation notes. I now group dozens of would-be bullet points into a single concepts represented on one slide.
The shorter the presentation, the longer the preparation - This killed me. I'm guilty, guilty, guilty of going over my allotted time, and sometimes I even have to speed through the final concepts. It's especially difficult with the 30 to 60 minute presentations. Going over leaves a sense of being rushed through and the audience can feel cheated feeling they didn't get all that was promised. The book included a great quote by Mark Twain to reinforce this concept:

If you want me to speak for an hour, I am ready today. If you want me to speak for just a few minutes, it will take me a few weeks to prepare.
There's a war against On Click - This applies to revealing points one by one on a slide. Each click reveals the next point. Separating the information pertaining to a concept can cause a lack of contextual understanding, that is less of the total concept is absorbed and understood. I now use fewer slides, use one slide to denote a concept, then elaborate on the concept verbally.
Never apologize - The presentation is meant to serve the audience. It's about them. If a graphic is bad, pull it. If the font is too small for those in the back of a large room, enlarge it. If the slide is ineffective or might be perceived by some as offensive, delete it. Don't apologize for elements in your presentation. The audience will feel cheated.

I grabbed these five points during the surface learning, the initial skimming of the book. There is so much more additional information and insight. Why Most PowerPoint Presentations Suck is incredibly comprehensive, and a useful tool for any person who has to give, edit, or design presentations. Owners will find themselves highlighting, dog-earing and bookmarking many sections. I was never bored and enjoyed the to-the-point, sometimes humerous writing style.

5 Facebook Tips for Writers

2011-01-17T15:05:00.004-05:00

I have over 211 Facebook friends who are travel writers, bloggers, published authors or journalists. I have personally met only 56 of them - most only once or twice at a writers conference or social media seminar where I presented.

Out of the 211 Facebook friends, I would call about 30 personal friends - or people I would miss if they weren't in my life. If any one of these 30 writers asked me to spread the word about a new publication, or highlight an event, or help with making some connections - I would do my best, and be happy to help. I am a strong connection for these folks - as they are for me. The relationship with 26 of these 30 friends was developed and strengthened through Facebook - in some cases, Facebook is the ONLY platform used to develop the friendship.

How long would it have taken me to develop connections like that outside of Facebook? One good friend is better than 100 acquaintances. Through these friends and their connections, I've been granted interviews, gotten introductions, connected with agents and new publishers, and had doors open for new opportunities both in writing and in speaking.

Here's 5 tips for Writers who want to make the most of Facebook:

Keep the status' short. - Think of your status post as a headline in a newspaper. What is going to make people stop scrolling down the newsfeed and read your post? If you continue to offer posts people find interesting, they'll make it a point to stop at your name in the Newsfeed. The shorter the post is, the more likely it will be read.
Comment, comment, comment - The most powerful tool in social media is the comment feature. Being able to talk back makes the platform social. Use this feature 10X more than the post feature, that is ... focus on others 10X more than you focus on yourself. Interest in others builds strong relationships
3 to 1 Rule of Getting to Know YOU - Do post links to articles, blog posts, and interesting material on the web, but make it only 1/3 or less of your total postings. The strength of a relationship is in how well two people know each other. If you become a "one topic poster" your posts eventually become sterile interest in them will gradually wane. Your Facebook profile should engage others in you, the person ... who is also you the writer.
Be mindful of how often you post - About 70% of my wall posts are done from my phone, because my job takes me on the road. You want to post often enough that people remember you, but not so often that your bore your friends to death, or clog up their newsfeeds. If you cant think of something interesting to put in your status bar, then comment on others' posts. Make it sincere. I try to post something daily... even if only comments.
Use your sense of humor - If you have a sense of humor, here is where you'll profit from using it. People always stop and read the posts of funny people. Humor gets the most consistent exposure, and helps develop more relationships with less effort.

Be conversational, interested in others, offer some interesting content, but most of all .... give your Facebook friends a little insight into who YOU are.

Tourism Ireland's Top 10 Irish Experiences (from tourist votes) Where's the DISLIKE button?

2011-01-10T15:14:00.007-05:00

Tourism Ireland's Facebook Fan Page recently posted The Top 10 Irish Experiences (as voted by you). I'm thinking "you" means their facebook fans. I'm a fan and regret that I didn't vote. I'm glad Tourism Ireland's took inventory of fan experiences, but alas, the chosen sites show little of the rarely experienced magic of Ireland, so hard to find behind the steel, glass, turnstiles, car parks, and high admission prices.

Just below are Tourism Ireland's Top Ten Irish Experiences but I've added a few counter remarks and listed my own Top 10 Irish Experiences below these. Feel free to disagree, argue, pontificate or add your own top 10 in the comment section.

Tourism Ireland's Top 10
1. Kiss the Blarney Stone and get the gift of gab - Blarney Castle is a tourist trap if ever there was one. And the whole kissing thing and "Blarney" term came from the great BRITISH monarch, Elizabeth I. This site wouldn't make my Top 100.

2. Make friends with locals and enjoy the craic (good fun) at a pub session - I fully support this as a Top 10 Irish experience. I would rank it as #1.

3. Spend the night in a majestic castle - I'm sure this would be fun, but also expensive. Most Irish Castles are really Anglo Irish manor houses. Probably a nice experience. I wouldn't rank it in the Top 10.

4. Discover Irish roots and experience the land your ancestors called home - A very worthy experience. Possibly a top 50.

5. See the ocean from the Cliffs of Moher - The Cliffs of Moher are beautiful, but have become an expensive attraction cluttered by blatant commercialism. They are worth a visit once - but I wouldn't rank this in the top 10. Ireland is an island with countless ocean views and scenic cliffs. Save some cash and experience that scenery for free and with less people crowding in.

6. Explore Northern Ireland and walk in the steps of Finn McCool at the Giant's Causeway - "Explore Northern Island" as a single Top 10 experience is like saying, "Explore Ireland." Northern Ireland is a country unto itself with six diverse counties, each with many attractions.

7. Taste the great food and drink of Ireland, starting with Guinness at the Storehouse in Dublin - I hate Guiness. Go ahead and call me names. Insult me. Guinness reminds me of motor oil. I'd much prefer the clean taste of a Smithwicks or Harp, or the smoothness of a shot of Bushmills. And the Guinness storehouse is overrated as a tourist attraction.

8. Tour the Ring of Kerry - No thanks. Too many tour busses and tons of traffic. The landscape is hard to see for all the visitors and tourism traffic in the way. See the Ring of Kerry in the off-season, like in February or March. Stunning views, but I wouldn't rank it in a top 10 experience.

9. Attend one of our great music festivals - I'd place this in the top 10 experiences, but I'd be specific - Go to Fleadh Cheoil in August. This year it's in Cavan. It's a week long event where musicians from the world over come to play Irish traditional music in the streets. There is nothing on earth that compares.

10. Play golf on ANY Irish course
I hate golf. I suspect if you are a golfer, golf will be in your top 10 experiences of visiting anywhere. I'm no golfer... unless it's putt putt, and I can't say I've seen putt putt in Ireland. I wonder how many fisherman are fans of Tourism Ireland.

My Top 10 Irish Experiences (my vote only)

1. Make friends with locals and enjoy the craic at a pub session. I echo Tourism Ireland here. There is no greater Irish experience than making friends with the Irish. If you don't know anyone in Ireland personally, connect with a few people in Ireland on Facebook or Twitter or LinkedIn several months before you visit. Get introduces by other friends who know some folks in Ireland. It will enrich your experience exponentially.

2. Visit the Rock of Cashel - history, drama, archeology, agriculture, rolling hills, colorful plains, castle and cathedral ruins, and a road approach that is the closest thing to Emerald City you'll see west of the Kremlin.

3. Drive the Beara Peninsula - this just east the Ring of Kerry on the opposite shore of the Kenmare River. Beara is just as beautiful as the Ring of Kerry, but Shhhhhhh. Not a lot of people know this and the visitors are fewer and commercialism less. Take a hike off the highway and walk the ancient Green Road. See a few stone circles. See the four white stones that once were the once Children of Lir. They are waiting.... waiting ... for the Fairy spell to be broken. Then hop on the cable car (will hold 5 men or 1 cow) and scoot over to Dursey Island.

4. Soak Up the Culture of Dublin - Dublin is one of the greatest European cities and is easy to experience by walking and hopping on a public bus. Don't bring your car here. See Trinity College, The National Museum, Grafton Street, Dublin Castle, St. Stephen's Green. Soak up the cosmopolitan flavor that is uniquely Irish. Visit the main post office and the museum there. See the bronze statue of Cuchulainn, Ireland's hero who died in battle standing up. Stand "Under the Clock at Cleary's" and see if anything magical happens. (more on this later).

5. Visit the Aran Islands - or any off-shore inhabited islands in Ireland - This experience is unforgettable. The land appears to be a moonscape, and the stone walls are built differently so as to absorb the great winds on Aran. The native people here speak Irish and live differently than the rest of the country. Their craft and farming skills are remarkable. The cliff views from Dun Aengus on Inis Mor are every bit as spectacular as the Cliffs of Moher.

St. Seanan's Church, north coast of Dingle

6. Get Dingled - The Dingle Peninsula is packed with enough experience for an entire vacation. Archeological ruins such as the bee hive huts and Gallarus Oratory are familiar, but I've never tire of seeing them. Go to the local visitor center on Dingle and ask about the Archeological Tour given by one of the Dingle natives. Climb Mount Brandon. Take the scenic drive around Slea Head and view the Blasket Islands. Visit the Chapel of St. Josepsh's Convent and see the 12 Harry Clark stained glass windows. Walk on one of the many strands. Lay on the blue flag beach. Eat fresh seafood at the wharf. Take in a trad session at a pub.

7. Hug the Janus Figure Caldragh Cemetery on Boa Island in County Fermanagh - this ancient cemetery in the County of Rainbows (see several most days in Fermanagh)is one of the most mystical sites in Ireland. Two Janus figures - stone figures with two faces - poke out of the lumpy ground rumbling with old graves. The cemetery is surrounded with hazel trees and is best seen at sunrise or dusk. After your visit, head over to Drumskinny stone circle, or better yet take the boat to White Island or Devinish Island - all mystical places charged with spiritual energy.

Janus figures in Caldragh Cemetery

8. Drive through the Burren and Connemara - the landscape in the Burren resembles Inis Mor - a rocky moonscape with little soil. The Poulnabrone Dolmen, ancient high crosses, Corcomroe Abbey, Leamanagh Castle are ruins that creep out of the landscape often startling visitors who can almost see past the barrier of time. The light in Connemara is stunning. Between sunrise and 10:00am, the colors are most vibrant. The darkness at night is thick. Day or night, the Connemara landscape is a blessing for the visitor to gradually soak in. You will be changed forever.

Poulnabrone Dolmen - the Burren

9. Explore the Antrim Coast - this northern part of Ireland is a bit different than the other coastlines. See the Giant's Causeway and don't rush here. The causeway is four miles long and worth exploring slowly. Visit Dunluce Castle (a enchanting ruin, part of which has fallen into the sea). Then drive through the forty mile stretch that weaves in and out of the Glens of Antrim. Your blood pressure will drop for the effect the scenery brings on.

10. Go fishing.... Fishing is a way of life in Ireland, and the best fishing we've found is with a native guide or charter boat captain. The climate in Ireland allows for a great mixture of cold and warm water species. Dan Burgoyne (my husband) prefers fly fishing in the lakes and streams, but the deep sea charters that go out of Cork and Kinsale are worthy experiences.

I'm hoping Tourism Ireland will forgive any disagreement - In fact, I urge you all to go to their Facebook page now and become a fan by clicking the LIKE button.
http://www.facebook.com/DiscoverIreland

I encourage your feedback. What are among your Top 10 Irish Experiences?

Merry Christmas from Dan and Mindie Burgoyne - Christmas Letter 2010

2010-12-24T08:21:00.000-05:00

December 16, 2010

Merry Christmas form Marion Station. While I neglect the shopping, the bills, unreturned calls and unanswered emails, there’s a magical scene outside my office window. The first snow of the winter (in a place where it rarely snows) covers the magnolia and crepe myrtles. Beyond them the grass, the road, the mailboxes and the telephone wires all have a layer of snow covering up any harsh imperfections. Though there’s only a sliver of daylight left, a few juncos are still flitting in and out of the bare branches of the pecan trees, and these thick flakes falling from the sky at twilight generate a sense of urgency in me to celebrate Christmas and remember all those who make our lives so rich.

Snowy scenes like this move me to remember … good times, winters past, friends and family, those no longer with us to celebrate, my little children playing in the snow, my grandchildren talking of Santa, and Christmas music that subtly plays in the background – music on which all the memories rest. Just as snow covers up all the imperfections in the landscape, Christmas paints our past with memories of everything we’ve ever loved. Our Christmas card this year has a photo I took in Crisfield during last December’s snowstorm. It’s a crab shanty in a place known as Ape’s Hole located on the Pocomoke Sound. It’s a along an old dirt road traveled only by the owners of the shanties and nosey people like me who want to take in humble scenery uninterrupted by too many things man-made. It’s a barren place. It’s a thin place.

This year was an exciting year for travel. Dan and I sold our pop-up and bought a new teardrop style camper (with a bathroom, furnace and air-conditioner) so we could extend those trips we love to take into the less temperate months. We enjoyed short trips this year to Cherrystone, Swallow Falls, and Charlottesville. In the summer we spent two days in Salem, MA scoping out history and all things “witchy.” We camped on Winter Island next to an old WWII airplane hanger with views of Salem harbor, Marblehead and the Winter Island lighthouse. We camped right next to a witch-fortune teller who had her own UPS-style truck (painted psychedelic blue) with a fortune-telling office and card reading table inside. It also had a sofa, a chair, coffee table and twinkling lights laid out on top of the truck - living-room style - for evening conversations, complimented by speakers that played soothing, new-agey music. One accessed the truck-top terrace via a built-in ladder on the back. It kind of reminded me of an artsy Beverly Hillbillies truck. The morning of our last day there, she packed everything inside and drove away. The Salem waterfront was beautiful, the museums remarkable and seafood fabulous. One night we went on a ghost tour. I asked the tour guide what people in Salem do for fun. She said, “They go to Boston.” She continued that the town was cursed and all who move to Salem become miserable and then circumstances beyond their control will never allow them to leave. This compelled us to permanently cross this town off our list as a consideration for a retirement location.

Winter Island Lighthouse - Salem, MA - view from our campsite

After Salem we came into Dan’s home state of Maine and we met up with my cousin Katie and her partner Robin. They live in a log cabin on lots of acreage in Sidney near Augusta. From there we loaded up our twin Subaru Foresters and headed for the North Woods where the roads are unpaved, privately owned and there is no electricity or cell phone towers. For four days we camped on the north banks of Moosehead Lake with our campsite right on the shore. The campground was at the end of a 35-mile dirt road – north of Rockwood. Generators were flipped on at mealtimes only. All other times, campers roughed it without electricity, cell phones or the Internet. The wild scenery was worth all the lack of creature comforts. Wildlife was abundant, and landscape nearly untouched. What I noticed most was the sound of quiet, except the occasional boat or seaplane. I asked the campground owners what they did when they wanted to see a movie. They laughed and said, “We wait until we go to Florida for the winter.” Dan taught Katie to fly fish and the three of them fished and fished and fished. What did I do? I talked to anyone who would listen, wrote a lot of notes, and took about a thousand photographs. What fun it was to spend time with my childhood soul-friend, Katie. Though we’d only seen each other once in the last twenty years, it was as if no time had passed, and conversations ran the gamut from childhood memories at our grandparents’ house, to our shortcomings, our crazy family, and the aches and pains of growing old. I can’t wait to see her again.

After our stay at Moosehead Lake, Dan and I followed the Golden Road from Canada to Millinocket, past Mount Katahdin and North East Carry and took in much of the Maine landscape that Thoreau wrote about. We ended that vacation in our favorite spot in Maine – the Burgoyne homestead in Carmel where three generations of Burgoynes live. As always, Dan’s brothers and their wives and children, and Dan’s sister, Kathy, and all the nieces and nephews were so welcoming and the time seemed too short. We miss them soon as we leave.

Dan had surgery on the broken disks in his back in April. I swear his doctor looked all of 19 years old. I was ready to become the inquisitor and test this doc’s entire medical competency and maybe even request another doctor. How much experience could someone that young have? Apparently a lot. Turns out he did his neurosurgery residency at Hopkins and co-founded the Baltimore Neurosurgery and Spine Center. So he’s a real young looking smarty. The doctor says they won’t be able to tell much about the success of surgery for a year. Dan copes daily with quite a lot of pain, but he still has time to take care of the animals, and the house, and listening to me go on and on about my day. He’s the only one who can make me laugh when I’m miserable. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

I’m still writing Thin Places: Celtic Doorways to the Otherworld. Hopefully it will be done before I’m ready for the nursing home. To help keep me inspired, I’m taking a group to Ireland May 15-24th. We’ll be covering much of the south. If you know anyone who wants to see some spectacular sites in Dingle, Kinsale, Cork, Kildare, Kerry , Tipperary and Dublin – with an excellent tour guide who talks non-stop, please invite them to come. Info on the Thin Places Tour

Our six children are well, and scattered across five Eastern states. We’re a little sad that Albert will not be home for Christmas. He’ll be somewhere under the surface of the sea in a U.S. Navy submarine defending our country. Please pray for him and for Ruth and Bailea who will be spending Christmas apart.

An early Christmas gift and the highlight of the year was the birth of a new grandson – Tristan. Lara was due to have him on Thanksgiving Day, but he didn’t come until December 2nd. I was lucky to be there for the birth. For those of you who get the chance to see your grandchild be born – I highly recommend it. Forget what they say about it being messy and gross. That’s a minute factor in the setting. When you see that new little life come forth from the hidden womb, your very existence is dwarfed by the greatness that is that child. The mess is like leftover wrapping on the floor at Christmas. It has to be picked up or pushed out of the way, but never overshadows the thrill of the gift. And the only thing rivaling the experience of seeing your grandchild be born, is watching the your own child morph from baby girl into mother in one seamless act of reaching out her arms and drawing that newborn to her chest. There are simply no words. Suffice it say, it’s a life changer.

If you know you’re in love when all the songs make sense, then you know the meaning of Christmas when you witness a child being born. Everything is made new again – a perfect little being comes into the world with no faults, no grievances, no sorrows, no fears – like some great shining promise of good things to come needing only to be nurtured, guided and protected in order for the promise to be fulfilled. My Uncle Tony sent me an email Christmas card that was an animated slide show of cities around the world all decked out for Christmas. While Silent Night played in the background, images of Paris, Seoul, Dublin, Beijing, Budapest, Vienna, Beirut, Copenhagen, Tokyo, Red Square, New Delhi, Hamburg, Lima and Perth flashed across the screen – each city with its own unique Christmas trees, lights, stars, and celebratory decorations. I couldn’t help but wonder how the birth of one baby so long ago could impacted the world, cross faith barriers and unite so many people around one common theme. I’m guessing it isn’t the birth of Jesus that had the impact, but more the birth of the message he delivered. It stuck.

I’ve often thought every world leader, regardless of his or her religious affiliation, should read the Sermon on the Mount every morning, just to keep focused and balanced. Lots of good leadership wisdom there … Love and help others less fortunate than you… Don’t be too impressed with yourself… Don’t use your power to exploit those who are weak … Use your power to lift others up… Don’t cry, because things will get better… Recognize and identify a lie when you see it, even though it may make you instantly unpopular, and cause you to pay a price, maybe even the ultimate price… Don’t hide your talent. Let your light shine, and know there is a special place in the world for that only you can fill. .. And remember, nothing is more important than love. It is the ultimate gift. And love endures past this life into the next. There is nothing stronger and nothing can extinguish it.

I’ll get down off the soapbox now and stop trying to fulfill my secret desire to be a priest (hee hee). Christmas always gets me thinking. Writing is my natural progression for letting those thoughts run loose. Please know how special you are to us. Know that we are thinking of each one you this Christmas, and we wish you happiness, health, and prosperity in 2011. We pray that all your prayers will be answered.

God bless you and those whom you love.

Mindie & Dan

Dear Tristan - A Grandmother's Message to her Newborn Grandson

2010-12-14T06:09:00.000-05:00

Dear Tristan,

Can I tell you about the night you were born?

It was late - almost 11pm on December 2nd. You were due to be born on Thanksgiving day (November 25th), and exactly one week later your mother checked into the hospital and they forced you out. They call this "inducing labor."

As with your twin cousins, Mia and Grace, I was lucky to be at your birth and privileged to see your first few moments of life. They came out so easily as they were removed by c-section. But yours was the first natural birth I ever witnessed. Though many people shun the birthing process, feeling it's gross and messy, I rejoiced in watching you come into the world. I'm not sure what I expected, but I couldn't have turned away.

You see, Tristan, I've witnessed death ... the death of someone I loved. It was an awful, powerful experience full of mystery and wonder - but in such a sad and painful way. Conversely, watching someone be born is just as powerful and mysterious, but it's joyous, miraculous, almost magical. There's something other-worldly about a new soul passing into the world. It's the purest of beginnings. There's so much hope in birth. And when that particular birth is your grandchild, well ... the magic doubles.

You were born at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, delivered by a wonderful doctor named Courtney Rhoades. I say wonderful, because I could see she felt personal joy in bringing you into the world. Her spirit was engaged in your birth process. You were born in a delivery room - much like a bedroom with a bed for your mamma and two lounge chairs for your daddy and me. There was a television to distract us while waiting the sixteen hours for you to finally be born. As soon as your mother climbed into the bed, they hooked her up to necessary tubes and such and strapped a monitor on her belly and from that moment on we listened - the whole seventeen hours - to the soft sound of your beating heart, ever constant in the background.

There was a little drama while waiting. Evidently your heart rate dropped for an unacceptable amount of time and the nurse raced in and turned your mother from side to side. When this process didn't meet her expectations, she screamed "Get a doctor in here now!" That unnerved us all. But the doctor came, stuck a tiny needle attached to a heart monitor directly into your sweet little head. Your heartbeat got a little louder and it behaved itself from then on. Then there was a little more drama when you passed your meconium (intestinal matter) while still inside your mamma. That concerned us because passing it can be a sign of fetal distress, and it can cause respiratory problems in a newborn infant if inhaled. Hospital policy mandated that you have a doctor and nurses from the NIC unit (Neonatal Intensive-Care) present on your arrival just to make sure you were okay. And you were okay.

Your mamma, though she had an epidural, got very uncomfortable about 10:15 pm. She called for the doctor and said she was ready. Then it was apparent that our nine month wait for your arrival was soon to be over, and there was wild commotion in the room as everyone prepared to bring you into the world. Doctor Rhoades came in looking like she was going into battle - really, these delivery costumes the doctors wear look quite threatening. She was clad in blue sterile garments made of either paper or plastic right down to her feet with not a spec of flesh exposed. On her head was a sort of ring with a plastic shield that hung down covering her face. It looked like a welding mask. But for all Dr. Rhoades' threatening attire, that remarkable smile of hers put us all at ease. She was ready.

Three people from the NIC unit rushed into the delivery room and prepared a space to welcome you directly from the womb. Naomi, the soft-spoken nurse prepared the room and gathered instruments for the doctor. The lights were dim. The sounds were of footsteps - people moving in and out of the room, the subtle clanking of metal instruments, and adding ambiance to the whole process was your constant heartbeat emanating from the monitor... like soothing, rhythmic background music reminding everyone of your unseen presence.

Your daddy stood on one side of your mamma and Naomi stood on the other. Their job was to see your mamma through the birthing process. It occurred to me that I was the only person in the room who had absolutely nothing to do but watch ... and remember.

What I remember most vividly, Tristan is all the thoughts that ran through my head when I looked at your mamma's face as she was trying to give birth to you. She kept her eyes closed the entire time. She holds her pain in like that - she always has, keeps it to herself. I so wished I could help her ... and then I was so proud of her ... and then I was so sorry she was all grown up and not my little girl anymore ... and then I remembered that she would always be my little girl ... you know ... rushing thoughts all at once that really make no sense. Time must have stood still between those final moments when the world was still without you and when you began to emerge from the womb, because in that time my mind overflowed with thoughts that would fill volumes.

As your mamma prepared to push you out, your daddy held one of her hands and Naomi held the other. Naomi coached her pushing, counting to ten - timing the push duration, and your daddy softly spoke encouraging words. With the second push, your little head appeared. I felt privileged to be one of the first two people to ever see your face - the other, was Dr, Rhoades who took hold of your tiny little head and pulled hard to get the rest of you out. I nearly asked her if that was a good idea (my controlling nature). Fortunately I resisted this impulse to tell a top doc from the the best hospital in the country how to do her job, and instead focused on silently watching the miracle of you. With the third push you were born. You were swiftly handed to the NIC staff at the baby warmer who all three called you by name and encouraged you to breath. They suctioned you, and vigorously rubbed your little body to warm you up and get the blood circulating. Finally you cried - hard. It seemed a whaling of disbelief that this new world could be so cold and loud and bright. It was amazing. Once you appeared, all senses sound, sight, touch and smell were of you. You were here, and you were perfect.

Your mamma was having a lot of pain. She had pushed you out too quickly and the doctor was trying to repair the damage. She laid there with her eyes closed, her forehead wrinkled, wincing in pain. Then she got nauseous. I stood beside her, wishing I could do something to help, then I looked over at Naomi and asked if she'd bring you over. Naomi laid you on your mamma's chest, you were crying hard. Your mamma opened her eyes to look at you and you opened your eyes and looked at her. You quieted down when she spoke to you, but kept up just a little cry, like you were trying to tell her something. Your mamma changed in that moment. She became someone new - your mother. She fell in love forever, and she wasn't the only one who fell in love that day.

Later, I went back to the house for some much needed sleep. When returned your mother's first words to me were, "I can't believe how beautiful he is. And I can't believe he's mine forever."

By the way, you look just like her.

The first time I held your mother, I said almost the exact same words to myself. She was so beautiful and I couldn't believe she was mine. I remember she looked right at me, and I knew in that single moment that I would love her forever, protect her, encourage her, and enjoy the light that she brought to my life. I knew that there would never be another like her - that she was special, and my job was to help her grow up so the world could properly benefit for having her in it. And now, she feels those same things for you. And grandmothers feel double the same emotion for their grandchildren, my little angel.

Your mother has always been physically beautiful. People have commented on her beauty since she was very little. But I saw her inner beauty start to pour forth in those few hours after your birth, Tristan. You immediately brought that out in her, and I expect you'll continue to draw out and magnify dynamic qualities in your mother as the years progress.

You are a treasure, my little prince. I have so many hopes for you. There's so much to look forward to. There are songs to sing, stories to tell, places to see, pumpkins to carve, turkey legs to eat, Christmas trees to decorate, birthdays, your first day of school, your first loose tooth, first camping trip, the music you'll love, the books you'll read, the talents you'll develop, and the man you will become. Luckily, I have a great memory and camera. I plan on experiencing and remembering all these things about you, and chronicling the important things in pictures and in stories. Maybe someday, I'll be able to tell your children stories about you.

A friend of mine from Ireland - Maura Brooks - posted this little blessing for you on my facebook page the day after you were born. She preceded it with this message ... "Welcome to the world, little one. Here is an Irish blessing for you."

Lucky stars above you,
Sunshine on your way,
Many friends to love you,
Joy in work and play.
Laughter to outweigh each care,
In your heart a song-
And gladness waiting everywhere
All your whole life long.

Welcome to our world, Tristan. You are part of a great big wonderful family that will take joy in loving you for the rest of your life.

Much love,
Grammy

Buy Local - Farm Products, Home Supplies and Dishwashers

2010-11-27T12:07:00.001-05:00

We've been meaning to get a new dishwasher for the past year. Ours was a cheap model that lasted only 8 years. All the wheels but one had broken off the bottom rack, the utensil holder broke the first week we had it, several of the tines had rusted and broken - and it didn't clean the dishes very well. So I finally told Dan Burgoyne to go buy a new one.

Dan is a huge proponent for buying local items from local people and avoiding the big box stores if he can. He went down to Lusby True Value Hardware in Pocomoke City (about 18 miles from our home) and talked to the owner about dishwashers. Then he checked Lowe's and Home Depot. We set out together on a Saturday with his list of possibilities. I recommended adding H&H Furniture and Appliances (also in Pocomoke) as a stop because I knew the owners and loved the store. We went to H&H first. The customer service was thorough and personal. The salesman had so much knowledge and helped us chose the best dishwasher for the best price. We found one we wanted to buy, but planned to visit Lusby's and Lowe's to compare price before making the final decision.

When we got to Lusby's the owner was on the phone with a customer. We went into the appliance section, looked at the dishwashers, compared features, decided we still wanted the one at H&H, and then set off for Lowe's. As Dan's hand was on the door to exit, the owner rushed out. He remembered Dan from the previous visit and called out to us, "Hello. Sorry I was on the phone when you came in. I'm the only one in the store today. Did you decide on a dishwasher yet?"

It had been weeks since Dan had been in that store. I was surprised this guy remembered him and remembered that he was looking for a dishwasher. Dan answered and the two began to talk about dishwashers again. This conversation drew us back into the store and into further discussion. Within an hour we left having written an $867 check for the perfect dishwasher including the delivery (free) and installation. We left happy customers, feeling valued by the store we were buying from, with a local relationship that we could trust and come back to again and again.

How many big box stores offer that combination?

Relationship is the Key to Building Customer Satisfaction- Local buying fosters this

We were sold on the dishwasher at H & H until the owner at Lusby's had a chance at us. Though the salesman at H&H was great, the owner at Lusby's worked a little harder to gain us as customers. We were bowled over by the personal attention given by this guy. It made all the difference. It made the sale.

As a bonus we got several referrals from the guy at Lusby's for good local house painters and someone who could re-laminate our kitchen counter.

We checked the price of the dishwasher we bought at Lusby's both at Lowe's and Home Depot. The prices were pretty much the same with the big box stores having a higher cost for delivery and installation.

It makes so much sense to by from a local person or family rather than an "corporate entity" especially in rural areas. I have nothing against the big box stores, I go to Walmart, Target, and Home Depot same as other folks, but I look at local stores for gift items and home supplies.

This holiday season, take a look at the old downtown neighborhoods around you. See who you could support locally with your dollars. If you're going to spend money, it might as well be fun, conversational, and form a relationship that may pay you back over the years.

The Atlantic Hotel in Berlin - Got Ghosts? Well... Yes.

2010-11-23T20:55:00.001-05:00

The Atlantic Hotel in Berlin, Maryland - a great Eastern Shore 'haunt'

I had the opportunity to be a guest at the Victorian-era Atlantic Hotel in downtown Berlin, Maryland last weekend. I've been familiar with the hotel for years and lunched there several times. It's the kind of building that causes you to slow down and look ... to turn your head. Yes it was featured in the Runaway Bride and yes Julia Roberts had a memorable scene here. But I don't care much about that drama. The magnificently restored building in the center of one of Maryland's most picturesque historic towns has a drama all its own - unique unto itself. One could spend hours here - or days. The turn-of-the-century ambiance is palpable. And that's enhanced by some turn-of-the-century spirits that may still linger here.

My plan was to attend the Maryland Life Magazine's launch party highlighting their newly released November / December 2010 issue. My book review of The Eastern Shore Cookbook by Whitey Schmidt appeared in this issue. I wanted to show my support for the magazine and for the Eastern Shore localities that were featured in this issue. I saw a $50 room rate special for that night only - too good to pass up. I booked a room and had Dan Burgoyne meet me at the party. Afterward we had a fabulous dinner in the hotel restaurant, and dined to live piano music seated at a table for two by a large window on the glassed in porch that overlooked the historic main street decked out for Christmas with Victorian decorations.

Talk about holiday eye candy!

Some of the best food on the Shore.
I'm no food expert, but I could rave all day about the Prince Edward Island steamed muscles and the broiled lamb chops. Dan had fried calamari and a New York strip steak and both of us had dessert (though we didn't need it). Our server started us out with a "fine wine by the glass" list. I told her to suggest something - as I'm not a wine connoisseur. Boone's Farm tastes good to me.(hee hee, my husband hates when I say this). She suggested a Cabernet and the wine flowed throughout our dinner in a setting that would rival any Currier and Ives print (save the snow). The ambiance was perfect for setting our dreams in motion about destinations in our future. Then we moved to reflections, memories - happy and sad - of Christmases past.

Our Room - #23 - the self locking door
After dinner we ascended the first of two staircases and retired for the evening in Room 23. I checked in before Dan arrived, and made a mad dash to the room to change and freshen up. When I came into the room, I had bags in both hands. I remember letting the door slam behind me. When I was ready to go downstairs. I noticed the security bar (the one found on the guest side of the hotel room door that you flip over as a security lock) had been moved to the "locked" position. I found this odd because I knew I didn't lock my door, in fact I couldn't have because my hands were full. There was no one else in the room but me. How could it have gotten locked?

Even though the room was small (still a deal for $50 a night), all the significant extras were included - flat screen television, cut glass water goblets, soaps, lotions, hair care products, bathrobe, lots of fluffy towels, and high thread count sheets. The iron bed was very comfortable. ...but for no good reason, neither of us could sleep all night. As soon as we'd fall asleep, we'd wake up. Neither of us got more than one consecutive hour of sleep. Strange.

Ghost Stories from the Staff
In the morning we had a great breakfast at Rayne's Reef and then shopped in the antiques store and visited a few galleries. At noon, I returned to the hotel front desk to check out. There were two ladies behind the desk and a man, casually dressed, looking in the phone book. I asked (as I always do) if the hotel had any ghosts. Immediately the man said, "I don't do any more work in room 24." He was staring straight ahead, looking at no one, speaking rapidly. He continued, "I lost my paint scraper in room 24. Had it one minute, gone the next. I looked and looked. I had to go back to the shop to get a new one. When I came back to the room, there was my paint scraper standing straight up on its end in the middle of the room. That was it for me. I told them... I ain't working in that room no more."

Then the girl behind the desk admitted she hadn't worked there long, but she had issues with lights spontaneously going out as she walked past them. She demonstrated how the lamp on the desk would just go out. Then it would come on again later. She said one light would be explainable, but two - three - four - six. All at different times. The just go out. There's nothing wrong with the bulbs. They just go out.

At this the man said, "I don't even believe in these things - Do you hear that? (talking to the ceiling).... do YOU hear that? I don't believe in ghosts. But it's something you can't explain."

I told them what happened with the lock in my room #23. The man said, "See? Right next to room 24. I don't go in there ANY more." Then the girl said, "You know room 18 has a problem with the door always closing. The housekeeping staff props it open because they're startled when it closes by itself. I was in there once fluffing pillows and tidying the bathroom. When I went to exit the open door, it shut, almost slammed, just as I was about to go through it. So I went outside the door, in the hall and tested it. I left it open and stayed five or ten minutes. Then I moved it to a more 'closed' position. It never budged. It only closes when it wants to."

So I mentioned that someone in the antique store said there was a child that haunted the hotel. The man said said, "Yes, a little girl. She rides her tricycle down the halls at night. The guests hear the creaking. Some have seen her" Then obviously agitated he said " ..... but. .... but... don't tell me anything. I don't want to know about no ghosts. I don't want to know who died here or something bad that happened here. I don't believe in ghosts. Do you hear that?" Looking up to the ceiling he repeated, "Do you hear? I don't want to talk about this any more."

Lounge on second floor. The hallway outside this room is where the child playing is often heard late at night by guests.

The other lady behind the desk (who hadn't contributed to the conversation) said someone told her that spirits attach themselves to things, like the antiques. Some believe that during the recent renovations at the hotel, spirits were disturbed, perhaps angered. Some believe that the antique furniture recently purchased to furnish the hotel came with "spirits attached" ... that means the ghosts may not even be local.

Guest ghosts - fitting for a historic hotel?

Regardless of whether or not one believes in ghosts, the Atlantic Hotel is worth a visit and an overnight stay. The rooms are stunning with all the amenities one expects in a fine hotel. The food is exquisite, the bar - casual and fun, and the wide porch rockers offer a relaxing venue for people watching or chatting with a friend. The added benefit of the hotel anchoring a historic downtown full of shops, galleries, an antique mall, tea room, and the Globe Theater - all in close proximity to the Atlantic beaches including the Assateague National Seashore with it wild ponies make the Atlantic Hotel a worthwhile Maryland destination.

If you're a ghost hunter, or fascinated by ghost stories, you only need ask a member of the staff or a Berlin local to entertain you with the tales. For the full effect, check in and spend a few nights.

We thoroughly enjoyed our visit.

More Plagiarism on the Internet - Thank You Vancouver Sun

2010-11-19T11:13:00.001-05:00

Two weeks ago it was the University of Denver. Today I found Vancouver Sun has my image posted on its blog. Take a look at the post of Douglas Todd for October 29th entitled Thin Places Don't Only Open at Halloween. The first photo is of Glendalough in Countly Wicklow. I took it last year. The same photo appears on my Thin Places blog post What Are Thin Places?

It's amazing how it's the big guys who steal from the little guys. I'll tell them to take it down, and they will... but what reparation will they offer? Shame on the Vancouver Sun and shame on Douglas Todd.

If you read further down, you'll see Mr. Todd references the photo with a link to my blog post in the wierd context of this sentence:

The intriguing concept of "thin places" has been picked up across religious traditions, as well as by those who consider themselves spiritual but not religious. (Evocative photo left from website, Thin Places.)

What the heck kind of credit is that? His credit should read "the lead photo for this post appearing at the top of the page - just under the lead sentence after my blog post title (scroll up a screen), I lifted without permission from Mindie Burgoyne's Thin Places blog - see link."

His lame credit for the photo is buried lower in the blog in a sentence that offers no relevance to the photo unless when he states "...consider themselves spiritual but not religious" he means me, in which case, I'm offended.

This isn't okay. It's my photo. It's my property. It's illegal to lift a photo without permission.

Had Douglas Todd asked permission, I would have gladly said yes. This is another case of the powerful exploiting the weak in the writing / blogging community.

3 Questions to Ask a Social Media Expert

2010-11-19T09:32:00.000-05:00

Social Media Experts are nothing if they don't getting results.

I found two blog posts this morning on how to evaluate someone's claim to be a social media expert. One post was by Chris Kieff - a widely followed blogger and another (rebutting Chris Kieff's post) was by Danny Brown. In my opinion, both these talented guys missed the number one qualifier in evaluating a social media expert. ---> Getting Results.

You can't evaluate anyone's expertise with social media without examining his or her results any more than you could evaluate a carpenter's expertise without looking at a product he made that demonstrates his carpentry skills.

If you want to assess whether or not a person is a Social Media Expert, ask these three questions first.

What results have you attained that equate to revenue? Anyone can rack up friends, followers and connections. What have you done with those connections that led to money in the bank?

What is your strategy? Are you walking down a specific path, with specific steps or shooting in the dark?
What is the platform that is most beneficial for getting results? Why?
The answers to these three questions should take some time to answer. Those answers will help you discover whether or not this person can lead you to success with using social media.

As you're listening to the answers consider this .... people resent and reject direct selling or direct marketing efforts on EVERY platform - Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube and Blogging. So if your "expert" reveals that he or she uses these platforms to sell directly, RUN. This methodology of using the platforms for direct marketing rarely works and only works for a short time.

I think Chris Kieff's post has some valid points, and his 9 points are good for gauging competency and understanding of the platforms. But they only give you glimpse.

An expert must be able to explain a strategy and prove results or the expertise is just valueless hot air.

Plagiarism on the Internet - College Professor Lifts My Text and Photo

2010-11-05T21:20:00.001-04:00

I found a blog post this week that included 278 words of text from my Thin Places website and one of my photos of Ireland. The blog author was an Associate Professor at a university in Colorado. Her post was about places where the eternal world and this world meet.... aka "thin places." I noticed my photo right away. It was of the Cashelkeelty stone circle on the Beara Peninsula in southern Ireland - not a place of easy access, not as popular as Kylemore Abbey, Cashel, Newgrange, Cliffs of Moher. It's a rare place and mine was a rare photo. In fact, I used this photo as the cover of my Christmas card two years ago. It was easy to recognize. I read further and saw I recognized more than the photo - several paragraphs were mine - not paraphrased, not mostly mine - but word for word, verbatim.

The blog post followed this layout exactly.

TITLE
244 words of text about thin places including a poem
This photo (my photo of Cashelkeelty stone circle)

199 words of text including a quote by John O'Donohue followed by my text which appears below in red

What is a thin place? To discern the difference between an ordinary place and a thin place, one must use a spiritual perspective. In simple terms a ‘thin place’ is a place where the veil between this world and the Other world is thin, the Other world is more near. This meaning assumes the perceiver senses the existence of a world beyond what we know through our five senses. Since the times of ancient civilization the fascination with the "Other world" has occupied human minds. To some it is heaven, the kingdom, paradise. To others it may be hell, an abyss, the unknown. Whatever you perceive the Other world to be, a thin place is a place where connection to that world seems effortless, and ephemeral signs of its existence are almost palpable.

Mahatma Ghandi in his Spiritual Message to the World in 1931, speaks of this.

“There is an indefinable, mysterious power that pervades everything. I feel it, though I do not see it. It is this unseen power that makes itself felt and yet defies all proof, because it is so unlike all that I perceive through my senses. It transcends the senses”

Truth abides in thin places; naked, raw, hard to face truth. Yet the comfort, safety and strength to face that truth also abides there. Thin places captivate our imagination, yet diminish our existence. We become very small, yet we gain connection and become part of something larger than we can perceive. The human spirit is awakened and will grow if the body and mind allow it. Simply put, a thin place is a place where one feels that mysterious power Ghandi refers to. Ghandi believed (and stated later in the same speech), that the mysterious power was God.

Final sentence and close

I was stunned. The blockquote code (the code that makes the Ghandi quote centered) was even left in indicating it was likely that the professor put her cursor on the text, went down two paragraphs and just pasted inside the context of her blog post. This "paste" was almost half the entire post.

Note that she preceded the block of text with this sentence... "In the words of another writer, M Burgoyne:" but there were no quotation marks, other than the ones in the Ghandi quote... no indication of where M. Burgoyne's words stopped. And my first name was carelessly left out and no referring link given to me (I have two blogs and two websites - pick one), and no link to the site where she took the text or photo.

How did I discover the plagiarizer? Google Alerts.
You can use Google Alerts to notify you via email any time a particular term comes up in a web page scanned by the Google search engine. I have several - one for Thin Places, Thin Place, Mindie Burgoyne, Haunted Eastern Shore, Viral Networking. This helps me discover when web pages come up with these terms. I can find press coverage on me and my book, reviews, and scan competitive projects. I can find out what people are saying about me and the subjects I write about. Google Alerts doesn't pick up everything, but it delivers a lot.

My Google Alert for thin places actually sent me to another website of a blogger who had quoted the plagiarizing professor! This blogger didn't include two paragraphs - only two sentences which she put in quotes and gave credit to the plagiarizing professor with a reference and weblink to the professor's blog. This is what led me to the Professor.

Truthfully, the subject of thin places is rather popular, but the coverage is small. Because it's a mysticsl subject and hard to define, people have trouble putting it into their own words. So they quote others. My definition of thin places appears at least once a day on the web (according to my alerts). Many people reference me on thin places both on the web, in hard print media including books. Sometimes it's stealing - a photo, a few sentences. But it doesn't bother me. Sometimes these people credit me, sometimes not. If I find a few verbatim sentences or a photo, I'll email the offender and ask for a weblink and reference. This helps me get more followers to my own blogs so I don't mind so much. But I have never found someone who copied and published whole paragraphs, then topped it off with snatching a photo too.

How I confronted the Professor
I immediately commented on the post and was surprised that it appeared immediately. By default, the Blogger software has comment posts set to "moderate comments before posting" which allows the owner of the blog to read the comments then approve before they are actually posted. But she let hers go right through so comments appeared instantly.

Here's how the comment stream appeared beneath her offending post. The stream includes me, the plagiarizing professor, and a few friends who received my early alert about the offense. The full stream is shown as in it's entirely as it appeared the last time I reviewed the comment stream, shortly before she took the post down. There are a few edits for clarification.

All I can say is .... can you effing believe this?

MINDIE:
This post plagiarizes several posts on my websites www.writingthevision.com, www.thinplace.net and www.thinpaces.net. And the photo belongs to me. No permission was requested or granted. Please remove the post.

ANONYMOUS POSTER
I love Mindie's writings and am shocked to find them here.

PROFESSOR:
Please note the following in my blog:
In the words of another writer, M Burgoyne:
What is a thin place? Having mentiond the author, I then quote. I mentioned everyone who is a source, including the person whose last name I don't have - from whose lecture I got most of my information.
I apologize profusely for the using the photo. I will remove it.

photo is removed. No changes made to text

MINDIE
What exactly are the words? Where does the quote end? The page that you took the quote from has a copyright statement followed by the words All Rights Reserved. Laws require you request permission for reprinting. As an educator and a researcher, you should know this.

I wouldn't have minded the post standing as is if you had ...
1. Used my full nane
2. Added the link where lifted the two paragraphs ... (even the Ghandi quote has the same blockquote tag)
3. Used quotation marks to identify my specific work.
4. Given credit for the photo
5. Let me know you were posting the text

"Mentioning" sources in a mix of text and direct quotes is not giving proper credit.

PROFESSOR
Hope my e-mail to you clarifies some of the issues. And I will make your suggested changes.
I will look again at your page.
I did rush through this post, as I was going out of town, and didn't contact you.
Apologies. Hope we can straighten this out. Thanks.

MY PERSONAL FRIEND WHO IS A WRITER
That's not much of an excuse. Unfortunately the question you won't be able to ever answer is how you would have handled things if you weren't called on it. If carelessness is the reason, then delayed carefulness can't be a solution. I sat on an academic plagiarism board and "I meant to go back and cite" was the number one (and lamest) excuse for people caught verbatim lifting.
AND
This isn't even a paper. If you borrow at length, adding a link to the original isn't only right and proper but courteous. It only takes a second. You could do it right now. You've responded (kind of) to being caught but with an apology rather than a fix. This isn't 1995; linking is a button not a coding nightmare.
If you want to straighten it out, go into your admin space, delete the post, then post something more original.

At this point, Professor adds in my first name and types out a web link with no hyperlink attached and quotes only the first paragraph of my text leaving the final paragraph appearing to be her own. She does not delete the post as requested by me and suggested by my friend.

PROFESSOR
I can apologize for taking the photo. I have added the link. And added Mindie's first name. I thought saying 'as writer M. Burgoyne says' followed by a colon was enough for readers to understand the lines that followed were from M. Burgoyne. I was wrong. I thought it was pretty clear I was quoting, not using my own words. But I was wrong.

MINDIE
You might extend the quotation marks further to include the additional words taken from my site.
quote of uncredited second paragraph written out here
In fact the entire lower portion of your post - 280 words - was directly copied and pasted with no edits from my site at http://www.writingthevision.com/thinplaces,htm

I find it hard to believe that someone with a PhD, former vice provost of [x] University, and current Associate Professor in the College of Education wouldn't know better than to place her cursor on nearly 300 words of text - copy & paste - and with no edits drop said text into a blog post ...AND lift a photo too - then give no credit to the source of either, save a lame first initial and last name followed by a colon.

Are you really saying you didn't realize that was an infringement?

Really?

In your email response to me you stated, "...My major sources [for this post] are the speaker on Celtic Christianity whose name I cannot find and my brother, also a weriter ..." Yet you can't remember the speaker's name.

I've got news for you ... your main source was me, since 38% of the entire post are my words verbatim. Throw in the picture and it's half your post.

If I were you, I'd take it down, and start over, and how about using your own words, Madam Doctor.

mb

Then, furious I posted a link to the blog post on Facebook and Twitter and the email barrage from fellow writers and friends began. I'm sure it was uncomfortable for her and not worth whatever she gained by doing such a foolish thing as lifting text from an internet in order to explain a very complex subject.

Many friends demanded an apology. One friend, Lyndy Forrester - a fellow economic development professional from Texas sent me an email she received from the Professor responding to Lyndy's expression of disappointment from educator and a request for an apology to me. The professor wrote ...

I first removed the photo and apoogized for not asking permission. An oversight on the photo. There are no excuses for oversights. Yes I do know Ms. Burgoyne is a published author and found my way to her website, ironically, because I was looking for travel info to the Thin Places of Ireland and Iona. In my post I reference M. Burgoyne and quoted from her using a phrase ... As M. Burgoyne says: and the quote

I have contacted Mindie Burgoyne twice by e-mail and commented twice in the comment space on the blog. I made some changes, highlighting her name and website. I then received another comment from someone so I deleted the post.

I did not steal content ... My post referenced three people, including M. Burgoyne

I've taken the morning off from work to sort this out. I'm sorry you are disappointed in me, because there is not much I can do at this point. I have a folder full of info on Thin Places and thought I had made clear those places where I used specific material from other sources. I'm well aware of the rules of plagiarism and what it means to 'steal' someone's work.

The definition or description of Thin Places seems to be fairly ubiquitous, with the only deviations being in the choice to emphasize God or not in the description and in the misunderstanding (or so I think) of Thin Place as a metaphor.

I really don't know what else to say. I thought I had done the right thing, but obviously I hadn't. I appreciate your taking the time to e-mail me.

I can't believe she's still standing on the "I did not steal content" conviction. Let's take a few paragraphs out of Lost Symbol by Dan Brown and see if Knopf thinks that's stealing. The truth is, I'm a relatively unknown writer in a small rural town, and she's a professor with several letters after her last name and connected to a education community at a large university. Frankly, I'm easy to steal from. .....well, maybe not that easy, since social media has become an instrument that seriously levels the playing field - as she found out.

What is so disturbing about this professor's response is that though she was attacked by my supporters, reported to her superior, shamed in public and forced to remove the post, she's still telling herself and everyone else, "I didn't steal anything." She'll do it again, and again, and again.

But I'll be checking so I doubt she'll do it again to me.

A Good Mindset for Writers Who Are Victimized by Plagiarizers
Many of my friends have encouraged me to take this to the next level. I'm not wasting my time or energy on this unethical, lazy (as my friend Carol D'Agostino defined her ... perfect) educator. I can always write something else or take another picture. She can't steal my thoughts, or my ability to think and create, however humble it may be. Pathetic, really. She wanted to reveal to her followers a truth that is wrapped in mystery, a truth that is so exhilarating, so captivating. But instead of defining her own thoughts and trying to express them to her readers, she stole mine. The great news is I can still keep thinking, but if I look back and keep my energy directed at the wrong done to me, I might miss some good creative stuff.

So it's forward I go. Let someone else kick her lazy butt.

Quoting and crediting is SO good for bloggers
Here's the sad truth the Professor missed. When you blog and give credit to others it encourages your followers to go look at that other blogger's site. That other blogger will take notice of you, maybe mention you. You start to share followers and both followings grow. Everyone in the social media community benefits when info is shared and credit given. This method is how bloggers and folks using social media platforms build communities, and when you need the community they come out in full force - as they certainly did for me when I mentioned the plagiarizing violation.

You can only win by giving credit and affirmation to other bloggers and social media connections.

I didn't mention the professor's name or specify the university because it's not important. I don't want or need any further interaction. It will just grow bad energy. No one is going to change her mind. I am thankful to the friends who commented and sent emails to the professor and her provost. Feeling that support at a time when I felt victimized makes everything better.

By the way, she sent me an apology email today... the first sentence read, "Just wanted to apologize for the mess and for my unintentional blunder." This was followed by three lines about how much she liked my writing.

Obviously!

Why No Political Party Wants Me

2010-11-02T17:01:00.000-04:00

I am conservative. I am liberal. This is why no one wants me. I can't chant for team. I can't pull for party. I can't vote for one side. This means I have to think carefully about each candidate. It also means the negative ads, posts, commercials, and conversation get personal. Because the party you insult - is really my party .... at least on some of the big, important issues.

I have over 900 Facebook friends. Lately, I force myself to laugh when I read my newsfeed, mostly to keep from crying. So many political posts .....if I took the insulting posts seriously, I'd have to defriend some of these people. No post has ever swayed me in a direction or tempted me to change my vote. I wonder how many other Facebookers are like me.

Liberal's don't want me because I am unequivocally pro-life.
I believe the most precious thing on earth is life, and the most precious thing about life is love. Abortion is ending a potential life. Nobody has the right to do that. It doesn't infringe on a woman's right to choose. She can choose not to get pregnant...and even on the rare occasion the pregnancy was a result of rape or incest, no mother owns the life of her child - inside or outside of the womb. No doctor or scientist can accurately prove when life begins, therefore, we must give life - which is the ultimate earthly gift - the benefit of the doubt. We must choose to protect it.

I've heard every argument put forth about why abortion should be a legal option, but they all spiral down to the woman's right to choose. I am a woman who has been the victim of rape, been a victim of incest, had two crisis pregnancies - one I chose to end in abortion and the other I chose to give birth of a child. I know this issue intimately. When you become pregnant, you become a mother. No mother should choose to end any life through voluntary abortion. Pick another way. Adoption is an option and there are thousands of childless couples who will pay all expenses and provide wonderful homes. There should be no shame in choosing life.

Christian / Catholic schools should also get a grip here. If a pregnant student has opted not to legally exercise her right (even as a minor) to go to any Planned Parenthood clinic and have minor surgery without parental consent thus ending the life of her child, don't shun her from the school community. Affirm her choice for life. Pregnancy is not "catchy" and all the girls won't rush out and get pregnant when they see a pregnant student walking the halls. Any school that embraces the pro-life cause, then shuns the pregnant student should be defunded.

Conservatives don't want me because I am against the death penalty.
Seems kind of silly to me to have these two issues on the opposite side of the party lines, but still ... if we believe all life is precious, then we shouldn't become life takers. Even the most loathsome deviant committing the most horrendous crime has something we are not authorized to take - life.

Consider John Couey who raped 9 year old Jessica Lunsford and buried her alive in two garbage bags. When Jessica's body was recovered, her lifeless little corpse was still clutching her stuffed purple dolphin. Could we identify a more despicable criminal? Did the death penalty in Florida deter Couey from committing such a crime? I feel no sympathy for Couey and believe he should never see the light of day. He should lose most of his civil rights. But to kill him is to give in to our anger which naturally surfaces when we are so unjustly wronged, and it is not the right choice. This is same primitive instinct that lynch mobs and vigil anti groups give in to. We should not choose death, because there are other choices, and we should not choose to become takers of life ... even the poor miserable life of a criminal like Couey.

The legalization of capital punishment also allows for innocent people to be killed. When levying a sentence so final - the ultimate earthly destruction - how can we take a chance on getting it wrong even once? The problem is that our penal and justice system is screwed up, prisons are overcrowded, they don't reform inmates, gangs take control, free prisoners repeatedly offend. So to combat our dissatisfaction with a broken system, we choose this final and brutal option that quiets down the masses who area calling for blood. Why not work on fixing the system?

A note to Christians (and this includes you, Mr. Bush) ... Jesus was real clear about this. He said, "turn the other cheek." The gospels are full of references where Christ directs followers to avoid killing anyone ever. The gospels also show us Jesus' disgust over bloodthirsty crowds and governments that wield their power and control over the masses via the death sentence. Jesus Christ is the poster child for disallowing the death penalty. He was the most famous innocent man legally put to death.

Thou Shalt Not Kill is not #6 of the Ten Suggestions, or the Ten Commandments as we interpret their meaning.

Liberals don't want me because I think government should stay out of business
Over-regulation and government involvement stifles business growth. Having been a business owner for 20 years I felt this first hand. Now working with businesses I still see it. When business grows, BIG business also grows. The have-nots get furious about all the wealth the haves have generated. I think we should that go and let business grow. There will always be rich and poor among us. Growing a business is the natural outcome of a free society encouraging creativity, innovation, entrepreneurship. Things like the automobile, steam engine, light bulb, vaccines, computer chip were created in this environment where business was free to grow. Some regulation is necessary, but too much government involvement chokes creativity and stalls a system that is good for our communities.

Conservatives don't want me because I believe in affordable access to excellent health care for every person.
Many poor middle class people don't have access to health care because of the exorbitant price. But this problem of having no health care coverage when the services are available bleeds into all levels of the community. Consider my brother-in-law David. He carried his own health insurance for himself and his family. His kidneys failed. He was able to get a transplant. But the insurance companies only cover the anti-rejection drugs for three years. Then it becomes his burden to pay the $1500 monthly cost for these specific drugs. Without the drugs he WILL reject his kidney and be back on dialysis. Luckily David is a veteran and the VA helped him out. For those who are not veterans, there are no available choices.

If life is what we value above all else, how can we support a system that allows access to health care to some people - but not all people? Why should this patient get the good drugs for $10 and that patient get no drugs because he can't afford the $70 price tag? It makes no sense. The system is broken and should be fixed. If that means everyone pays more taxes, so be it.

Conservatives don't want me because I support Gay Marriage
I don't know a single person who has intimately known (brother, sister, child, parent, close friend) a gay person who wouldn't agree that being gay is something one is - not something one becomes. One doesn't choose to be gay. A gay person can't influence your child, your partner, or your friend to turn gay. So what is the big deal? If two people love each other and want to move through this life together, committed in love, aren't we all better off for having that relationship around us? And the nuclear family is one that lives together, loves each other and moves as a unit. Sometimes there are two parents, sometimes there's one, sometimes extended families live together. One size doesn't fit all under the nuclear family title. My family is a combined family. Does that make it less of a family than the traditional two-parents-who-have-always-been-married-to-each-other-and-parent-only-their-biological-children families? What does your family look like?

And for the Christians .... you might consider being more like Jesus and think in the broad terms of love and acceptance rather than the narrow terms of judgment and control. Remember that we are all created in the image and likeness of God. God is neither male or female ... and yet God must be both male and female. God is far greater than we can understand or imagine. We can't place him / her in a tidy box that gives us a rationale for every mystery. What does it hurt if two gay people get married? Do you fear gayness will catch on and more people will turn gay? Nonsense. Who would choose to be gay and suffer being on the outside of society's norm, and be marginalized in his or her own community?

Sometimes, when we can't wrap our minds around something, we just have to do the loving thing.

So when there's a political party platform that values and protects all life, accepts differences in sexual orientation, believes in providing equal opportunity for access to health care, and doesn't' support the over-regulating of business, I'll join it, cheer it on, wave the flag and go to the rallies. For now, I can't vote along party lines. I tire of the party agendas. When an insult is flung, it hits me because I support high profile issues on both sides.

I've just stopped listening.

Image from Picsicio

Look Up Maryland - 25 Walking Tours

2010-10-11T18:20:00.001-04:00

One of the best books I've purchase this year was, Look Up, Maryland! Walking Tours of 25 Towns in the Free State, by Doug Gelbert. The book contains 35 individual walking tours preceded by the author's commentary, printed in simple style conducive to walking and reading. Being a fan of Maryland small towns - and a fan of walking, books like this are invaluable to me.
Having a copy in the car makes for a handy reference when I happen to find myself in one of these places. I'm not always able to locate a "walking tour" brochure or stop into a visitor center. Here, walking tours for 25 towns are all grouped in to one convenient book.

The book mirrors the style of walking tour brochures with numbered stops offering a bit of text covering architectural style and some history. Street addresses are printed at the start of each listing so identifying a property is easy. Photos are slim, but if you are scoping out the tour before or after you've actually visited the town and want pictures, photo images of each listing can be found on a Flickr site which the author notes in the beginning of the book. There is also a primer in the back that assists with identifying American architecture.

There are no maps included, but author points out that maps become quickly outdated and many people have GPS systems built right into their phones. He recommends printing out online maps as needed, and gives the verbal directions of "turn right here.. and follow to the corner and go left" where necessary within each tour.

Each tour begins with the author's commentary on that particular town or part of a city. There are four towns from Western Maryland - Frederick, Hagarstown, Frostburg, and Cumberland - eleven towns on the Eastern Shore - Berlin, Snow Hill, Pocomoke City, Princess Anne, Salisbury, Vienna, East New Market, Cambridge, Easton, Chestertown, and Elkton - and nine towns / cities in Central Maryland including Washington DC, Baltimore, Hyattsville, Laurel, Rockville, Annapolis, Havre de Grace, Westminister, and Ellicott City.

The author broke Washington DC down into seven different tours - Capitol Distirct, Downtown, Du Pont Circle, Federal Triangle, Georgetown, Lafayette Square and the National Mall. A visitor could spend a week in Washington and with this guide, see a good bit of it on foot, leisurely soaking up the history and architecture in one of the most "walkable" cities in the world. Baltimore tours consume 36 pages broken into five tours - Downtown East, West, Inner Harbor, Mount Royal and Mount Vernon. The commentary on Baltimore covers lots of ethnic history and the evolution of the city.

I love the author's recommendation on how to use this book ..."Consider tearing out the pages from this book when you take a tour - the book is created so that each tour can be pulled out without impugning another tour. You may find it easier to tour with just a few foldable pages in your hand than holding an entire book."

St. Therese - a Saint for Writers

2010-10-01T09:54:00.002-04:00

Today - October 1st is the feast day of St. Therese of Lisieux - or St. Therese of the Little Flower. She died at age 24 after being a Carmelite nun for a few short years. She wasn't a martyr. She didn't heal or cure people. She didn't even do public ministry. She was a rather impetuous, if not spoiled child and served in a convent where her adoring sister was the mother superior. So why is she a saint? Why do we even know about her?

She wrote a memoir.

And she resisted writing it until her sister (Mother Superior) ordered her to write it. ...ah, if only someone who could hurt me would order me to write Thin Places ....

St. Therese served in a convent with several of her sisters and they would talk in the evenings about their faith, the family, their parents and how they felt about prayer. St. Therese was the baby in the family and had a great child-like faith. Her sister, Celine saw that great gift in her and knew others could benefit, so she told Therese to write down her memories of childhood, family and journey in faith. Therese resisted and admitted that she hated writing - hated the discipline, but had to follow orders ... so she wrote.

She died young of TB and after her death, the sisters printed her memoir. It was reprinted and reprinted and word of it spread throughout Europe and eventually around the world. The Story of a Soul has sold millions of copies and is still a best seller. She never lived to see the success, but her last words, on her deathbed, spoken to her sisters were, "I want to spend my heaven doing good on earth."

Many people chide me about me devotion to saints - especially my Christian (non-Catholic) friends who consider it a kind of idolatry. For those that tend to agree, please read .... Why Do We Pray to the Saints?

A saint can be your friend who prays with you, making your prayer stronger. St. Therese has always been my special soul friend in heaven and has spoken in my life. Being a reluctant writer, I always pray to her before I write anything and I pray for my writing career. I'm the poster child for the procrastinating, lazy, reluctant writer. I think she helps me.

My last book, Haunted Eastern Shore was very successful, and it was hell to write. It was released on October 1st - her feast day. The third printing (in one year) just came off the press - today - October 1st.

Funny.

They say if you pray to St. Therese and ask her to answer your prayer, she'll send you a rose. I've gotten whole bouquets after praying to her for intercession.

Hiding Your LinkedIn Connections? I'll Probably Dump You.

2010-09-09T12:43:00.002-04:00

Controlling the visibility of your connections is an option LinkedIn offers. I discovered this when I scanned the connections of an existing LinkedIn contact and found them hidden, except for the few connections we shared. Why would I be scanning this guy's connections? For new connections, of course. Scanning someone's connections is like going to a networking event at his home or office. The reverse is true when someone scans your connections; you're inviting them into your social world - in LinkedIn's case - your professional world. That's what social media platforms are all about - connecting through others.

WHY HIDE YOUR LINKEDIN CONNECTIONS?

So hiding your connections from your LinkedIn contacts is the equivalent of inviting your friends to a networking event, but telling them to sit in a closed room where they can only talk to people that you both know. Who needs that?

Thinking this through I wondered ... what's the advantage of being connected to this guy through LinkedIn?

I can have his contact info? I already have that.
I can send him Inmail? I have his email address - he's a client.
I can have access to his full resume? Big deal.
I can see what he posts in groups? I don't check groups much.
I can read his posted updates? Yippee.

Conversely, I consider the benefits he gets by being connecting to me.

Access to my almost daily updates? (okay, probably not a big plus for him)
He can check out my 500+ connections, many of whom are in networks similar to his, and see whom he might add to his network.
He can get introduced to key people in my network through me.
He can expand his LinkedIn Network by some 57,600 people - because that's how many I have in my network 2 degrees away today.

I'm sensing some benefit imbalance here, and while I hate to admit it, this irks me. I'm thinking, "What's he got in his less than 120 connections that's worth hiding?" It's not worth the effort to bring this to his attention. He's a client. Being or not being connected on LinkedIn isn't worth straining the relationship.

So, I will most likely disconnect him as a contact.

I suspect my reclusive contact, is concerned that his competitors may find potential customers when scanning his connections. But his competitors would have to be his connections to do that (LinkedIn only allows those connected to you to view your contacts). So he's worried that his connections might "connect" with each other? That's the foundation of networking.

These platforms aren't called "social" media for nothing. Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, YouTube, Flickr and even blogging are all about sharing info and connecting with others. So if you remove the connection benefit by hiding your contacts or friends, you decrease your own worth as a connection. And on LinkedIn, that's a big decrease.

If you're worried about your competitors seeing your connections, don't connect with them on a social media platform.

Reclusive contact ... Consider yourself dumped.

Consider becoming a fan of Mindie Burgoyne's Facebook Page on Social Media - Viral Networking.

Attend the National Hard Crab Derby at Least Once Before You Die.

2010-09-02T18:16:00.002-04:00

Before I lived 6 miles from Crisfield, I knew about the National Hard Crab Derby. People from all over the Mid Atlantic region flock to the Crab Capital of the World to see some 400 crabs compete in the Governor's Cup Crab Race every Labor Day weekend. The crab race is only a part of the fun. There's the boat docking contest with a $30,000 purse, carnival rides, games, crab-picking contest, parade down Main Street where the newly crowned Miss Crustacean waves to on-lookers, concerts in the evenings, and a fireworks show that rivals any I've seen this side of the Nation's Capitol.

Crisfield, has one of the most undiluted cultures on the east coast. Many inhabitants who live in Maryland's southernmost town can trace their roots back 14 generations. The waterman's culture still hangs thick around the commercial and residential districts that reflect a time when watermen shared yarns in dilapidated shanties and locals could walk to the docks and seafood processing plants to earn their wages. The experience of interacting with these local people, hearing their stories, enjoying their fabulous food and sharing in their local celebrations is a cultural experience unparalleled in Maryland. And this festival - the Hard Crab Derby - shares that sense of celebration with over 10,000 visitors.

At the turn of the 20th century, Crisfield was a huge port of call on the Chesapeake Bay, and was second only to Baltimore for trade commerce in the state of Maryland. The railroad came straight down to the town dock and picked up carloads of seafood brought into the port of Crisfield. Today that dock is still referred to by locals as "the depot" and it has been transformed into one of the best and largest waterfront public places in Maryland. The Crisfield town dock affords a place for visitors and locals to walk, fish, sit awhile and at an ice-cream cone, watch the boats come and go from Somers Cove Marina (the largest state-owned Marina in Maryland), see the waterman bring in that afternoon's catch, see the herons and gulls swoop and sail over Janes Island, or watch a spectacular Tangier Sound sunset from the 2nd level viewing area.

Through the years the town became known for its seafood - in particular the Chesapeake Bay blue crab. The town dubbed itself the Crab Capital of the World, and its crustacean insignia is everywhere - blazoned on two water towers and every street sign. Businesses like Eddie Heath's Crab Pots and Crustacean Station straddle "the strip" which is the main drag running straight to the depot. As one walks or slowly drives along that strip, water views peep in and out through the store fronts, the crab shedding plant, the restaurants and the condominiums - but the big water view from the town dock is free to anyone who chooses to park and sit.

THE GOVERNOR'S CUP CRAB RACE
Imagine sitting among a thousand people in stadium bleachers looking down at a stage. In front of that stage is a large wooden platform pitched at a slight angle. At the top of the platform is a rectangular holding area for 50 crabs. Crabs are placed in individual side-by-side compartments like horses at a starting gate. At the start of the race the front panel is lifted, and the imprisoned crabs rush out and scramble down the slanted wooden platform which has been dowsed with water to make it good and slippery. The first crab that scooches off that platform onto the asphalt is the winner of that heat. And there are lots of heats. The race concludes with all the winners of the previous heats clawing (hee hee) their way to the edge of the platform. One strong, perfect blue crab is dubbed that year's winner of the Governor's cup race... a race named for Crisfield's native son, J. Millard Tawes - 54th governor of Maryland and the only person Maryland's history to occupy all three offices of the Board of Public Works - Governor, Treasurer, and Comptroller.

What does the owner of the champion crab get? A giant trophy (presented to him or her on stage by Miss Crustacean) and bragging rights for a lifetime.

The Governor's Cup Race - Crabs are released and scurry down the platform

Don't think I can't hear you "not-from-here" folks giggling about the title "Miss Crustacean" Funny as it may sound to outsiders, the title means something around here. It's a descriptive tag that follows a woman for the rest of her life. "Oh, you know Val, down at the Chamber. She's such a dynamic worker ... and you know she's a former Miss Crustacean." I was once introduced to General James Adkins who at the time was Secretary of the Department of Veterans affairs. He asked me where I was from and I said Somerset County, to which he replied, "I'm married to a former Miss Crustacean." Wow.... that's when I knew it was a big deal.

The truth is, I love Crisfield. Though it has some shabby parts left from an economic slump that gripped the town when the water slowed its yield to the waterman, the town has a heart - which is its people - people who continually push the town in an upward direction. This Hard Crab Derby, attracting numbers that are 5 times the town's population with a boat docking purse that exceeds the estimated local household income is a great example of the spirit Crisfielders have, and the talent of some remarkable people who are able accomplish what many towns with higher incomes and greater resources have not been able to pull off.

MAKING MEMORIES THAT LAST
Hard Crab Derby is a fixture in our Labor Day weekend every year. I wouldn't think of being anywhere else. Our kids and grandkids are developing their own memories of Somerset County Labor Days, and the Derby race is something they talk about all year... and yes, we've got a houseful coming in this weekend. We're all looking forward to the activities. The Hard Crab Derby is an experience everyone should have ... something everyone should do at least once before they die. Vacation memories that stick are made at the Crab Derby. It's a festival you feel with all five of your senses.

Grace and Tate playing (and eating ice cream) at the Depot


Gracie on the Merry Go Round at the Crab Derby

Mia with her Mamma - a little scared on the Ferris Wheel

The 63rd Annual National Hard Crab Derby will be held Labor Day weekend with activities Friday through Sunday - Somers Cove Marina in Crisfield. It's free admission. Check the Crisfield Chamber of Commerce website for a Schedule of Events. Don't miss it.

I Want to be a Camping Snob

2010-08-31T08:21:00.003-04:00

Many of my friends show interest when I mention Dan and I love the outdoors. We kayak, fly fish, hike and explore the hidden landscapes along less-traveled back roads. But in some circles, when I mention camping, the conversation slows - even stops. Then I hear that worn-out, heard-it-a-million-times response, "My type of camping is the Holiday Inn."

Really?

I'd much rather sleep in my little r-pod camper (tiny, but complete with kitchen, bathroom and comfy beds). We can set it up in a remote location and have nothing but a nylon screen between us and the night-time cry of a loon on Moosehead Lake or the Atlantic waves crashing on Assateague Island. There is something magical about experiencing the wilderness at night, when all the tourists have gone ... back to their Holiday Inns.

We have good friends who love camping, and not everyone snubs it or views it as the sport of the lower classes who don't mind getting up-close-and-personal with dirt and bugs. But those hotel snobs that dis sleeping outdoors don't realize that camping isn't pitching a leaky tent on the hard, lumpy ground, drinking nasty water from a metal canteen and eating hot dogs, and canned beans. Camping trailers aren't cheap - and gear.... well, there are endless possibilities for camping apparel... and camping destinations.

But bring camping up at an art show, a wine tasting, or just about anywhere in Easton (my favorite Eastern Shore town) and the conversation tends to stall - even stop - until one of these beautiful people drives the discussion back around to more pleasant subjects- like the new spa, sailing, the latest foodie haunts, or alternative health practices.

Is camping so gauche, so low class?

Camping is all about the night. Why be cooped up indoors when the world is teeming with sounds, smells, and sights rarely seen in hours between dawn and dusk.

Night, the beloved. Night, when words fade and things come alive. When the destructive analysis of day is done, and all that is truly important becomes whole and sound again. When man reassembles his fragmentary self and grows with the calm of a tree. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I'd like to turn the tables on the camping bashers... maybe round up a few camping-loving buddies decked out in the finest L.L. Bean ware, and hatch a plan to converse about camping in mixed circles with a slight air of superiority. We could move through the gallery crowd talking smugly about new camping equipment (like the O-Grill ), upscale camping recipes like Madyson's Gourmet Marshmallow Fluff or trendy outdoor ware like the Pathfinder LED Cap with a pin-head size lamp tucked into the brim for seeing where you're walking in the dark.

I could mention how I recently camped with a nationally known chef who aided Julia Child for years. We camped side-by-side in the North Maine Woods. By the light of a lantern she created a fabulous shrimp dish over an open fire complimented with roasted veggies and fine wine. We dined outside by citronella candlelight with a moonlit view of Moosehead Lake.

I'm not sure I would make a good camping snob, but I'd love to convince those that poo-poo camping that our life is richer for having spent the night outdoors. I've awakened in the middle of the night in northern Montana to the sound of elk calling across the Madison River - a sound similar to air being pushed through an old pipe organ. I woke my husband who is 70% deaf and encouraged him to leave the camper and listen for it. He heard it, and a memory was unexpectedly created in that instant. That meant something to him... and to me.

Then there's all the things you miss because a Holiday Inn (or other lodging) isn't near - like the the nighttime yelp of seals, the fogs horns calling out across the Bay of Fundy, the muffled intermittent flash of light piercing the fog at East Quoddy Head. ... or discovering how a young buck sheds the velvet on his antlers - and having the opportunity to pluck a piece off because these particular young deer have a level of comfort with the campers in certain primitive sites.

While I may be able to see the sun peep above the horizon on Salem Harbor at dawn from a B&B or hotel in Marblehead, I wouldn't be able to add to that vision the silhouette of my husband fly fishing on a rocky outcropping beside the Winter Island light house unless I was camped nearby. How much is that worth?

I'm not against staying in a hotel. I have great travel memories that include staying in hotels, inns, and B&Bs. But camping is also a worthy mode of travel, one that allows the traveler to visit the softer side of earth - the one that reveals itself between dusk and dawn.

Rachel Carson put it best when addressing the wonder of the night sky ...
... but it can be seen many scores of nights in any year, and so the lights burned in the cottages and the inhabitants probably gave not a thought to the beauty overhead; and because they could see it almost any night, perhaps they never will.

Camping, ushers us into this magical world of twilight, midnight, dawn and all the hours in between. The convenience of lodging is a barrier to that world. How does one duplicate the feeling of starting a morning fire as dawn breaks, and watching the outdoors wake up against the smell of fresh brewed coffee and sizzling eggs? And though the mornings outdoors can sometimes be damp and leave a chill, Dan and I rejoice in being able to eat breakfast together while we watch the fog lift off a river or lake. And though we love our home and the comforts it provides, we so look forward to these mornings ... and evenings by the campfire... when no words are necessary.

Photos, Copyright 2008, 2010 by Mindie Burgoyne:
Top - Dan Burgoyne fishing at campsite on Lake Pend 'Orielle - northern Idaho
Middle - Dan touching a young buck after plucking some of the velvet off this little guy's new antlers.
Bottom - Winter Island Light at dawn- on Salem Harbor - between Salem and Marblehead

Good Relationships + Good Content = Social Media Power User

2010-08-18T13:22:00.003-04:00

At a recent training session, I reviewed my Facebook newsfeed with with the class. Several remarked later how cumbersome the newsfeed appeared with my having to sort through so many commercials. With over 880 friends and over 100 Pages, it's hard to keep my newsfeed in balance and readable. Every month or so, I go through and delete some pages, and yes ... I hide some friends ... I have to keep the newsfeed manageable because I don't want to miss the good stuff. What's the "good stuff?" The posts from the people I care about most.

Relationships are KEY

Commercials or directly marketing whatever it is you sell, is okay as long as there's some kind of relationship between you and the friends who are reading your promotional post. A balance (maybe 80% - 20%) between your personal interaction (80%) and your marketing (20%) post is something to keep in mind. Think about how you feel when you read through your own newsfeed. Who do you skip over? Who do you always stop and read? What kind of posts get your attention?

I ask this question at every seminar - "What posts do you always stop and read?" Every group responds the same.

ANSWER: My family, my close friends, people who are funny. (people I already feel a connection with)

People tend to skip over posts from those they don't know well, and read posts from people they like. The relationship with the poster is way more important than content. Most people will tolerate mundane, even boring posts from close friends or family. Imagine all your Facebook friends saying, "I don't care about what you're posting or selling if I don't care about you."

I love to read posts from a writer friends about their new books for sale or book signing events. In fact, those posts move me to buy the book or attend the event. I welcome posts from friends who write about their new products or services. In fact, if you're my friend, I'll even spread the word to my friends. That's the beauty of social media.

But the operative word here is "friend." That word indicates that we have a relationship... that you care about me and I care about you.

If you are a Facebook friend who has never commented on my posts or written on my wall ... in fact, if you're a friend who has never communicated with me at all, whom I can barely identify ... and you post something about a new product or an event you want me to attend ... it's very likely I'll ignore the post or won't even notice it. If you hound my newsfeed with ads, I'll ignore you all together, probably hide you ... or worse ... defriend. Sound harsh?

Good Relationships + Good Content = Power Social Media User

When strong relationships marries good content the results can go viral. You become a social media power user. People stop and read your posts because they like you AND they like what you write.

The more I talk to other social media users, the more I discover that most are like me. Most read their newsfeeds just like a newspaper. Interesting headlines and interesting columnists get read. The rest just gets skimmed over. We stop at topics of interest and people we like. So the key in getting your information read and spread is to develop relationships first and always consider entertaining or providing what is of most interest to your friends.

COMMENTING & POSTING - Write what you'd want to read

To build relationships, comment 5 times more than you post. Commenting is easy. Just take the few seconds to do it. When you read an interesting post imagine you were right there with the person and he / she was verbally telling you what was written in the post. You wouldn't say, "that's nice." You'd interact. Commenting on a post is a direct affirmation to the friend. It says, "I read this. I noticed you. I recognize you." This is a great gift. Sincere interest in others builds relationships.

WHEN COMMENTING, KEEP THE FOCUS ON THE POSTER

I'm continually amazed at how many people post comments that bring the focus or attention away from the original poster. This is a mistake. Don't try to bring the focus back to you when commenting on a friend's post.

If a friend or family member posts, "Will be seeing my grandson for the first time in a year tonight. Can't wait to see how he's grown" an appropriate comment would keep the focus on the poster and the grandson.

Good comments: "Wow, how old is your grandson now." or "I hope you'll post some photos."

Self focused comments: "I have a grandson. He's the light of my life." or "My grandson just turned two. We had his birthday last week."

So often, people commandeer the post and draw attention to themselves in the comments. These are not relationship building. These comments highjack the focus and redirect it to the commentor. Sometimes - especially when the relationship between poster and commenter is very close (sister, best friend), the detraction isn't felt. But in most cases, the conversing back and forth is halted as the commenter has created a new focus - himself.

PAGES - Suggesting to Friends

Every day I get at least one request to be a fan of a page. I ignore 90% of them. Harsh? Maybe. But remember, when I'm a fan of your page, everything you post on that page (which is almost always commercial-esque) shows up in my newsfeed. So mixed in with the friends' post I have to sort through sare posts about stores, products, services, destinations, public appearances and poliitical commentary from my Pages.

I'm interested in reading posts from Pages that I elected to fan, i.e. pages that focus on my personal interests such as Ireland, small towns, and mystical places. But I don't want to clog up my newsfeed with unwanted commercials. I most value the posts on Pages where I have a relationship with Administrator or an avid interest in the subject, but I chuckle at - and sometimes resent - the folks whom I've never met that friend me (with no me message attached) and within a week ask me to be a fan of a Page. Wouldn't it just be easier to put a message on the friend request that says, "Sign up here to receive my free commercials?"

If you're administrating a Facebook Page, consider what your fans may WANT to read before posting. What would be of value or interest to your fans, not what is the best thing to promote. Consider the first sentence in your post. Ask yourself, "What headline would catch the eye of your fans when they're scanning down their newsfeeds?"

The Golden Rule is Applicable in Social Media

Treat people like you want to be treated. Post what you'd like to read. Be more interested in others than in yourself. You can usually tell if you are developing relationships and posting good content by the comments you receive. A lot of comments usually indicates that you are engaging others. This is the goal of social media.

Here are some quick tips for getting what you post read and developing relationships that will pay off later...

Comment 5X more than you post.
Keep comments focused on the poster. Don't be self focused.
Think about what people want to read before posting
When appropriate, interact with other commenters on a friend's post. These could be new friends, new relationships.
Always work on developing relationships with friends. If you haven't had contact in awhile with a particular friend, post something on his / her wall - that is focus on the friend (not you). Reconnect and maintain relationships. Each of your friends has a value that is priceless. Don't take any one of your friends for granted.
Before suggesting your Page to a friend (or asking her to suggest your page to her friends), make sure you have a relationship with the person or a common interest in the subject matter. Otherwise the friend will feel used.
Recognize those who comment on your page or posts

In life, when you focus on others - the needs of others, the interests of others, they will reflect that focus back to you. The same works in social media. You can develop a strong network of contacts and relationships that can be leveraged when you want to sell a new product, develop a strong customer base, get referrals, learn new techniques, find new vendors or simply spread awareness about a cause.

Are you on Facebook? If so ... visit our Viral Networking Page. Lots of Social Media tips shared.

Lower Dorchester on Maryland's Eastern Shore - Let Your Spirit Graze

2010-06-15T00:55:00.002-04:00

Ever feel tense, stressed out, on edge, wishing for a sedative to calm your nerves? Instead of reaching for the wine, the beer or the Valium, try taking a drive through lower Dorchester County on Maryland's Eastern Shore. If you're lucky enough (like me) to live close by, it's not so difficult to get away for a little while. If you're not so close in proximity, make the time to visit this region. You won't be sorry.

Steeped in history, subject of legend and lore, with landscapes uninterrupted by development, and with only a hint of human habitation, Lower Dorchester has a medicinal effect on the spirit.

Turn off Route 50 onto Route 16, also known as Church Creek Road. Go about six miles and turn left towards Blackwater. Soon you'll begin to feel it ... your blood pressure drops, your breathing slows, your muscles relax. Turn left again on Key Wallace Drive and your awareness will change. Colors become a little brighter. That rare light of the Eastern Shore charges the landscape with electrifying shades that inspire artists, poets, holy men, and lovers to look deeper; to see a new dimension.

As you pass through the village of Seward, you'll cross the Little Blackwater River. The sky spreads out and clouds reflect the blues and grays of a river perfectly framed by acres of marsh grass, forty shades of green. Ireland has nothing on Lower Dorchester.

At the end of Key Wallace drive make a left on Maple Dam and then bear right onto Greenbrier Road. You're passing by the fields that were once home to Harriet Tubman who grew up and worked as a slave on a nearby plantation. A historic marker defines the likely place where the Moses of her people lived and eventually escaped via the Underground Railroad. Past the marker is Bucktown where the Bucktown Store has been standing since the Harriet's day. She would have visited this store often, and it was here that she received a head injury that troubled her health for the rest of her long life.

A little past Bucktown is Decoursey Bridge Road - a road of legend... a sad, sad, scary legend. The Eastern Shore wasn't host to any Civil War battles, but it was a fine place to hide Confederate money for funding the war. Many of the African American slaves served as spies for the Union Army, leaking information about where gold was stored and the movements of Southern sympathizers. It's been said that during the Civil War, a plantation owner near Decoursey Road was suspected of holding a large cache of Confederate money. His favorite slave, a large African woman named Lizz, was a Union spy. Some folks say her master got wise to her traitorous ways. He knew Union officers would descend on his farm and take the Confederate gold. He asked Lizz to help him move the treasure. They set out to a forested, swampy area near Decoursey Bridge on the Transquaking River. Lizz buried the gold where her master instructed.He then said, "Let's plant a seedling over it to disguise the spot." When Lizz bent down to bury the seedling, her master brutally cut of off her head and left her dismembered corpse to rot in the swamp.

Today many locals believe that Big Lizz still haunts the area near Decoursey Bridge. They say if you drive onto the bridge at midnight, turn off your car, flash your lights and honk three times, Big Lizz will emerge from the swamp with her bloody head in her hand. She'll motion to you to come with her. If you follow, she'll show you where her master’s yet undiscovered treasure is buried. But those who've seen her and followed her have never returned. Many Dorchester Countians will share their personal stories of frightening experiences on the Decoursey Bridge when they tempted Big Lizz to come out into the swamp and lead them to the treasure.

As you travel down Decoursey Bridge Road you'll come to a spot where the bridge crosses the Transquaking River. Take some time here. Stop the car. Get out and look around. Notice the details of the surroundings - the river, the pines, the grasses, the waterfowl, and how the winds move and unsettle the objects in the landscape. It's easy to imagine the same landscape one hundred fifty years ago. Little has changed since the Civil War, since slaves worked the local farmland, and since the unfortunate Big Lizz and her murderous master had their last encounter in the nearby woods.

Turn your car around and retrace your steps. Go left on Maple Dam and continue straight. Shortly you'll come into the Blackwater Wildlife Refuge, and you'll curse yourself if you don't have a camera and binoculars.Every time I escort visitors into this section of Dorchester, silence falls at this stretch of road. One simply can't take it all in. The landscape shifts; the terrain changes. The sharp gray stubs of dead, topless trees poke up through the fluid, rushing motion of green and brown marshes. Great Blue Herons sail along the horizon, almost touching the ridges of the sweeping grass. Ospreys perch in large, gangly nests, and atop anything vertical, and the occasional bald eagle is seen soaring above, scanning the marshes and rivers for prey. The light in Blackwater changes by the quarter hour. The colors you see now will be slightly different in fifteen minutes. The wide, open sky and reflection offered by the surrounding water allow for maximum light exposure, and colors are as bright here as anywhere in the world. Even when the light is muted by clouds and rain, the stunning colors of Blackwater have no equal. I often hear visitors say, "I can't believe this is in Maryland."

After leaving Blackwater, the road will eventually dead end in the small village of Andrews now marked only by a few abandoned buildings. Andrews and local villages with names like Wingate, Crapo, Toddville, Bishops Head, and Crocheron, were once active communities in this region known as "Down Below." Folks made their living off the water mostly, but as the bounty of the Chesapeake diminished, so did the populations in these small villages. Turn left at Andrews and you can meander through the remains of these small historical villages. A special spot lies out the Bishops Head road where you can drive the dirt road through the Chesapeake Wetlands National Wildlife Refuge complex. The views are spectacular. Let your soul graze on beauty of the tides that flank the narrow spit of land that is the refuge. These are big water views where, at the end of the peninsula one can see the Honga River, Fishing Bay, the Nanticoke River, the Tangier Sound and even the Chesapeake Bay in the distance.

Head north out of Bishops Head and continue to Golden Hill. You’ll be on your way to Hoopers Island, a series of three small islands connected by bridges and causeways. Some families on these islands have lived here for seventeen generations. Most still work on the water There are several seafood processing plants in this area, all family owned. The now famous, multimillion dollar corporation, Phillips Seafood started here, the A.E. Phillips seafood processing plant, still owned by the Phillips family operates in Fishing Creek.

There are two other peninsulas to explore in Lower Dorchester - Taylors Island and Elliott Island. Similar in landscape, they offer the driver a calm, comfortable setting guaranteed to be relaxing and afford prime subject matter for photographs. Maps of Dorchester County with all the roads mentioned in this post can be picked up at the Dorchester County Chamber of Commerce office on Poplar Street in Cambridge. Maps are free as is the drive. Your only expense is time and gasoline, a worthy price for a clear head and rejuvenated spirit.

I've gathered a few digital photos of the places mentioned in this post and put them in a slide show which is embedded below. Hope they give you a glimpse of what the traveler sees in Lower Dorchester. Please let me know about your experiences and your impressions of this magical place.

June 13 - The Feast of St. Anthoy of Padua ... Why Do We Pray to the Saints?

2010-06-13T19:07:00.001-04:00

Recently, a single friend shared with me how hard it was to find a man to date that wasn't a loser. I told her, "Pray to St. Joseph. His prayers are the best for finding a good man."

My friend thought I was crazy. She said "I'll just pray to God."

I said, "Haven't you done that already?" to which she replied, "You're serious, aren't you?"

I am serious. Primitive, superstitious and polytheistic as it may sound, praying to the saints makes sense to those that have a strong faith. We call them saints; the indigenous people of America called them ancestors. The principle is the same. We ask the spiritual assistance of friends who have gone on to the eternal world, and that assistance is prayer.

Sin separates us living creatures from God. We have a natural distance between us and God that is created by our imperfections. The Communion of Saints - that is, those who are already in the divine presence of God, have no separation. Their prayers are strong and charged with that near divinity. When they join in prayer with us, they make our prayer ever-so strong.

The misconception is that we ask the saint to perform some kind of magic or use supernatural power that is apart from God. Nothing could be further from the truth.The saints enjoy the presence of the Almighty with no barrier of sin or imperfection or trappings of the physical world.

Being able to ask St. Joseph to lead us to a good mate, petitioning St. Anthony to help us find something we've lost, calling on the prayers of St. Monica to help an alcoholic child, is simply asking a spirit - who once walked a path familiar to ours - to support us in prayer.

In my personal life, I've had many prayers answered that were aided by the intercession of saints. St. Bernard of Clairvaux reminds us that it is the intercession we request - evident in his prayer to the Virgin Mary known as The Memorare which begins:

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known
that any one who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help,
and sought thy intercession,
was left unaided

Saints can become close spiritual friends and guide us to grace, strength, and deeper faith. My three favorites - those I reach out to in times of need - are Our Lady of Guadalupe, St. Anthony, and St. Therese of the Little Flower all known as saints of miracles.

Some other well known patron saints are ...
St. Michael the Archangel - patron of police officers - protection from evil / danger
St. Christopher patron of travelers
Brigid of Ireland - patron of poets
St. Florian - protector of firefighters
St. Monica - patron of mothers with problem children (she was the mother of St. Augustine)
St. Patrick - patron of Ireland, of clergy, of missionaries
St. Matthew the Apostle - patron of accountants
St. Therese of Lisieux (the Little Flower) - patron of florists, orphans
St. Francis de Sales - patron of writers
St. Rita - patron of difficult marriages

Developing a spiritual relationship with particular saints - who become spiritual friends - is a worthy purpose. It is no slight to God to ask for assistance from the Communion of Saints, those spirits God has drawn into the eternal world.

Two-Faced Book? - Should I Have Two Facebook Profiles?

2010-06-04T19:43:00.002-04:00

Simply put ... No - you should not have two Facebook Profiles!

I have seen many people try to do this, and never seen one person do both successfully.

MY PREMISE: The benefit of using Facebook for business is networking, not marketing.

Lots of folks disagree with me here, so please understand this is the platform from which I speak. Direct marketing with social media - i.e. trying to advertise or sell services through Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn - rarely works. Usually it offends people and they defriend, hide, unfollow or disconnect. Trying to sell directly on social media platforms is similar to doing the same at any other face-to-face networking event. It's offensive. People didn't come to the event to become your customer.

It's okay to mention products or services in your Facebook posts, but only within the context of personal relationships you're building or have already built.

The Professional Profile Page - How does the "B" list feel?
Suppose you're my professional colleague and you friend me (from your "professional" profile) on Facebook. I accept your friend request only to find out that you have another profile page .. one that appears more casual and private - one where you're more personal, funny, more genuine. To me - that says I'm on the B list and the real friends got be on the A list. What value does being on your B list bring me? I perceive the B list as a channel for advertising, and I'm insulted that you consider me second rate.

If you want to use social media platforms to network and grow a business, it's important that you come across as fully human with all your personality traits, and someone who is genuinely interested in others - not some sterile business person that posts about one topic only.

Plus, with as little time as we have for everything we do, who has time to keep up with two profiles?

Oh,and please don't commit the cardinal sin of hiring someone to do your professional facebook page to save time. That's like paying someone to socialize for you and its worse than putting us on your B list. Please spare us from the benefit of having a surrogate friend on a sterile profile page clog our the Facebook newsfeeds?.

By the way, if I find out I'm on a B list .... I defriend. Then I probably mention to people how insulted I am .. and guess what? You'll never know. That's the danger of social media. When you offend - even unintentionally - you may never know about the venom your victim is injecting into your network.

Why do you want to be two different people?
Imagine you're at a large social gathering like a wedding or funeral or an annual banquet for a non-profit group. There are people there from your job, from you community, local government officials, family members, and good close friends.

Would you feel free to talk with most of these folks casually about your vacation or your child's recent special achievement?

Would you be okay with talking about exciting things that are going on at work or chat about an upcoming event that inspires you, makes you want to attend because of a special interest you have?

Could you freely laugh at a joke or funny story someone shared, engage in conversation about others' vacations, kids' achievements, professional topics, special interests / hobbies?

The answer is probably yes, and because you'd be in mixed company, you'd take care not to overshare or become a bore. You'd most likely act more interested in others than in yourself considering who was in attendance, and you'd be social as well as professional. In short, you'd be an interesting person - fully yourself, who was respectful of others and well behaved. And you might even get to know some of these folks a little better and strengthen some relationships.

The same scenario works on social media.

Build and strengthen all relationships as one person.
So if you're using Facebook to network for business you may have to sacrifice a little and not by not using profanity no matter how funny it might be, not posting things that are off color or heavily political (unless you're a politician) or opinionated. You won't want to post photos of yourself drunk at a family party, and you must restrain yourself from passing gossip or tearing down others.

One interesting profile projected to all your friends and colleagues can offer you a tool that allows you to have fun, keep up with friends and family and network virtually - with a network that is always on - 24 / 7. You can check in a few times a day, make connections, build relationships, find out what's new, and pass on a message .... all at your convenience.

The more personal you seem on Facebook, the better the connections with the network. You can't leverage relationships that don't exist and you can't build relationships without using your full personality.

Sterile Facebook Friend Requests = Impotent Relationships

2010-05-25T23:41:00.003-04:00

I'm amazed at how many friend requests I get from senders I've never met, with no note or introduction . Just a blank request - no "hi" or "hey we have mutual interests" ... just a blank request. Receiving one of these is like having someone come up to you at a business meeting or mixer, hand you her business card - then walk away. It's not just impersonal, it borders on being rude.

I know that 90% of the people who do this, don't realize how it feels to be on the receiving end of a sterile friend request. This is because most of those same people don't know how to be a Facebook friend yet. And the majority of people trying to use Facebook to grow a business don't understand that BEING a good friend is the first step to having friends that will help you advance.

Those that are yielding high benefits in business from using social media, practice and focus on being friends rather than collecting friends into a cluster of potential buyers. I don't want to be in that cluster, and when Facebook friends continually push stuff at me, never commenting or showing an interest in me as a friend, I either hide them or defriend them. ... because they are not my friends ... they are users.

Why would I want to be friends on Facebook with someone whose sole interest was to get me to buy her product - or read his books - or vote for her in an election, or listen to his music / band, or come to the next event, or join his organization? Don't get me wrong, it's great to promote what you're doing, but asking someone to buy into what you're selling (in one sense or another) is making a withdrawal on the bank account of friendship - and in order to make the withdrawal, one must first make deposits.

When Making a Friend Request - Write a Short Note

If you're friending someone you haven't met or don't know, always send a little message stating why you want to be friends. Nothing elaborate - just be sincere and focus on the person you're friending, not on yourself. Something like ...

"Hi Frank, I noticed we have mutual friends in Sue and Terry. I work for _____ and would like to learn more about what you do."

"Janet, I saw that you're both a fan of folk music and Irish music and that you live in the DC area. I live on the Eastern shore and have those same interests. I'd like to friends on Facebook."

Both of these sample notes (boring I know) show that the requester has a non-threatening reason for wanting to connect on Facebook and has an interest in the person. The goal in asking for friendship should be to show an interest in what the potential friend might want or need - not what you'll gain by being his or her friend.

What NOT to Write in a Friend Request

I make it a habit never to accept a sterile friend request. If I get one, I send a note back (before accepting the request) with this phrase, "Thanks for the friend request. Just curious... how do you know me?"

Most respond immediately with a kind note, and I accept about 90% of the requests. But some responses are clear indicators that are users out there who see friends as objects.

Here are some responses I've actually received to the "how do you know me" question ...

"Oh, Mindie .. sorry. I sent the friend request to the wrong person."
(Boy, do I feel special)

"Hey Mindie, I'm in a band and I play folk music so I thought you might like to be my friend and hear about my music."
(Lucky me - I get to be your groupie)

"I've just joined ___[Direct selling company name deleted here] ___, and I'm trying to build my clientèle to further my business."
(So dumb, I can't even comment)

"I'm a writer. I wanted you to connect with other writers so I can sell more books."
(Am I supposed to buy your book?)

"Hey there, Mindie. Sorry I didn't introduce myself. I thought you knew me. I'm a social media expert and I notice you have an interest in social media."
(Some expert... can't tell when she's insulting someone - with social media.)

"I am an expert in using the Law of Attraction. I found you on The Secret fan page. I think I have some skills that may be of use to you."
(btw, I got this request within an hour of joining the Secret fan page. This guy was stalking the page).

Always Put Being a Friend First - Apply the Golden Rule

Ten good steps to being a good Facebook friend.

1. Always send a message with a friend request and focus it on the potential friend.
2. Comment more than you post.
3. Wish people a happy birthday.
4. Post things that may be useful to others.
5. Make people laugh or feel good with postings
6. Avoid being negative
7. Avoid making all your comments and posts about you.
8. Never slam another person in your posts
9. Congratulate, Encourage, Recognize, Affirm others
10.Have fun and be fun

Facebook is a virtual gathering of friends... and every friend has an intrinsic, unseen value that can bring abundant blessings - blessings one may never have expected - word of mouth advertising, recommendations, connections to those that help you move up. But to have a friend, you must first be a friend. Treat others as you would like to be treated in this virtual community, and the strong relationships you build will yield great benefits.

Farming Out Social Media Efforts to Staff - Don't Do It!

2010-05-19T10:00:00.001-04:00

Paying someone to tweet and post for you is like paying someone to socialize for you ... like sending a staffer to a business mixer and having her wear your name tag and talk in your voice. Who wants to talk to an impersonator? Surrogate communicators would be ignored in face to face communication ... and ... no surprise ... they are ignored on social media platforms.

In my full time government job, I converse daily with business owners, non-profit directors and elected officials. They all know they must incorporate social media efforts in order to compete, but many figure it's a job they can farm out to staff.

These leaders devote themselves to things far more important than directly (and sometimes intimately) communicating with hundreds or perhaps thousands of people at a time with social media.

The Daily Record had an excellent article on this ... If politicians 'tweet' they better be genuine. My favorite quote from the article is... "...big name incumbents may need support staff who understand how to manage sites like Facebook and Twitter. But critics say voters want to hear directly from candidates, as opposed to technical aides."

Social Media is Supposed to Be Social - "social" does NOT equal "waste of time"
What people don't get is that this whole process is social. It's about the person doing the communicating - not so much the message. People log on to these platforms to talk to friends, relax, have fun, share a story - not get a commercial. Save talking about your new product, promoting your cause, posting a laundry list of upcoming events, or shoving your latest message out to the public for your website and direct marketing.

Social media is a tool with unparalleled capabilities for bonding, connecting, building relationships, and that is its purpose. How many relationships will you build by having someone else go out and "relate" for you? I can spot fakes and phonies. I ignore them in person just as I do on Facebook and Twitter. I don't even look. I just scroll past the posts. And once you've soiled your social media reputation, it's hard to get it back.

If only I had a dollar for every high-level (in their minds anyway) official or business leader that told me he / she didn't have time for social media - being any more social would be a waste of time. Why do you want to get personal with all those people? Well, because 78% of people will trust the recommendation of a friend before they will trust advertising. And getting personal, creates the friendships that can set your word-of-mouth recommendations spreading like wildfire. One good friend = 4 good paid advertisements. Add it up. What do 500 good friends equal? Do you have time for developing that kind of value?

Don't try and shortcut the process. You don't develop a good friend by getting a follower or accepting a friend request, any more than you create relationships by collecting business cards. It takes time, but the return is and competitive advantage has no bench mark. It's off the charts.

The Power of Virtual Networking

What if you spent a few months using social media for 20 minutes a day - building relationships with your connections, friends and followers - that means listening (or reading) and commenting back on posts with sincerity. You begin to build a network just as you build a network with personal appearances at meetings, trade shows, and events... only it takes minutes instead of hours. You develop a virtual network that is operational even when you're not there, and you can pop back in for a few minutes each day - say hello to some folks, listen (by reading) and comment on what they have to say, and then pass on a message or two. Relationships develop - and your number of friends in the 78% category mentioned above increases faster than you could ever make happen by seeing these people in person. The power of this is unparalleled.

Your social media network is only as good as you make it. And you don't build a network by collecting names or sending someone on your behalf to speak. So don't be like Tony (not his real name), the charismatic owner of ABC company that I see at almost every networking event I attend. He's the front man who interacts with the public - in fact, Tony IS the company to most people ...but Tony pays a staffer who spends most of her time in the office, to do the Facebook Page, blog and tweet. Does he think people aren't on to the fakeness of it all? Tony's surrogate social media efforts are impotent, sterile, fake.. because everyone knows it's not Tony. His company's Facebook Page has a few hundred - maybe even a thousand fans, and he has a few hundred followers on Twitter. But this is the low hanging fruit. There are few comments on the page, not many people engaging. Almost nobody spreading the word.

Wake up, Tonys of the World
The problem is, Tony isn't personally familiar with social media, and the world is crawling with social media "experts" who are jumping at the chance to blog for you, facebook for you and tweet for you. But beware, Tony. If your small time competitor gets her arms around the social media process, she could leave you in the dust wondering what happened in a matter of months. It's happening everywhere.

Returning My iPad 3G - It's Not Worth the Money

2010-05-03T21:17:00.001-04:00

I'm returning my iPad 3G, because there's not enough value for the investment, especially for techno-geeks like me that already have a lot of electronic toys.

Because I already have an iPhone, a Netbook, a Kindle and an aircard, most of the functionality of the iPad is redundant in my world, and $829 is a lot to pay for eye candy... no matter how spectacular.

THE E-READER: The e-Reader seems to be the most reviewed / evaluated feature of the iPad. Combined with the free iBooks application - iPad's version of the Kindle (purchase and download books) - the e-Reading feature is impressive. But the iPad is heavy and the the screen continually shifts from portrait to landscape to match one's body position. This is problematic when reading in bed. Also, the e-Reader landscape view is a two page view rather than one large page, and the heaviness of the iPad (for one who is used to the Kindle) makes it cumbersome and tiring to keep propped up. The iPad weighs as much as a hard cover book and is about as heavy as my Acer Netbook. For e-Reading, the kindle is not as bright and isn't in color, but it's lighter and more maneuverable.

Email, iTunes, Videos, and APPs: I have all these functions on my iPhone or Netbook. In fact, things that aren't ideal for viewing on the iPhone's small screen - books, newspapers, magazines, TV shows, movies - , work great on my Netbook. And my Netbook has more versatility with its traditional keyboard and its ability to play FLASH videos (apple products have banned FLASH).

Compatible with PC - you pay for additional compatibility: Some of the apps that mirror Microsoft Office, such as PAGES, Numbers, and Keynote, are nice to use, but I paid the $9.99 for the PAGES app, and found the finished product is not editable on my PC. My Netbook totally integrates with the PC. For any kind of text editing, I'd have to order the separate keyboard dock - $69. I can't type documents or presentations on the iPad touch keyboard.

Do I still need the iPhone? The iPad can't replace the iPhone because of the crucial need for a hand-sized phone and camera. There is a camera attachment, but let's face it, you can't pop the iPad and it's camera attachment into your pocket for a camera that is always "at the ready."

Watching TV shows, Movies and Videos on the iPad: I hate watching movies and TV shows on the iPad because I don't have a stand and holding the iPad while you watch is a pain - same reasons as holding the e-Reader; heaviness and shifting screen from portrait to landscape. Also the volume is not as loud as on the Netbook so headphones are a necessity.

3G Capability - Constant Internet Access: The iPad 3G allows the same internet connectivity as a cellphone. So where you have phone connectivity, you can connect to the Internet with the iPad. This, of course costs about $30 per month, but there is no contract necessary. I have an aircard for my Netbook that does the same thing. It's $60 per month, but the Netbook is more functional than the iPad, and it's lighter weight and more compact.

UNPARALLELED ADVANTAGES OF THE IPAD; The ability to view photos at high resolution, large (8X10) format is phenomenal. My pictures never looked so good and are very easy to share. The GPS feature shows maps much clearer with more visible space. Some of the apps (mostly reading apps) offer greater variety of printed free material - magazines, ezines, blogs. The touch screen is so quick and easy to use and is progressive looking.

For me ... are these visual benefits alone worth an $829 investment? Plus the keyboard dock ($69), a protective case ($20-$40) and monthly charge for 3G capability?

I'm thinking NO.

I purchased the iPad in Dover (DE has no sales tax) and saved on paying the 6% Maryland sales tax of $49. But Best Buy told me that I had only 14 days to return it, and there is a 15% re-stocking fee ($124). Seems a shame that it costs so much just to try it out. In a way, I hate to take it back, but I can't reconcile an $829 investment with a need to invest another $100 on the keyboard and case and possibly $30 per month for the 3G connectivity, when my $295 Acer Netbook and iPhone and aircard provide the same benefits without the impressive visuals and better photo viewer.

If I'm missing some great benefit, would somebody please share?

NOTE: Thanks to those that pointed out that there is a little button on the side that locks the screen in place. That problem solved. I still consider most of the benefits redundant... thus not worth the $829 price.

Maryland's Eastern Shore - Why I Live Here - Response to a Friend Who Asked

2010-02-27T09:36:00.003-05:00

My dear Andrea,

It's not easy to answer your question as to why I chose to make my home on Maryland's Eastern Shore when I could have chosen any location in the world. Words fail me ... but I'm going to use a whole lot of them in the answer I provide. I hope by the time you finish reading this, you'll understand - not only why I moved here - but how "a place" can call you.

In 2002 Dan and I were both out of work, our children were grown, and at 40-something, we had a wide open future with nothing but choices. We chose to leave suburban Maryland and live in Somerset County where the total population was less than that of the four square miles surrounding our house.

I could try to explain why I'd live where I have to drive 18 miles to the nearest thriving center of trade - a Super Wal-Mart. Why I would live in a place where 80% of the local families had been there since the British colonization ... and this gives new meaning to the word tribal. I admit that - yes, we knew that we would always be outsiders here, and it's hard to articulate why we would permanently separate ourselves from those cosmopolitan hubs of culture and opportunity - Baltimore and Washington DC. Why we’d allow such geographic distance between us and our close family and lifelong friends.

My son, Daniel left the hub too, and he still begs me to move closer to him in Front Royal, Virginia. The boy loves his home on a mountain-top and the rough beauty of that region where he's surrounded by vistas of the Blue Ridge, bordered by the mighty Shenandoah River that snakes past the foot of his mountain. He thinks it's environmental beauty and the palpable sense of heritage that keeps me on the Eastern Shore ... and Front Royal has that. He doesn’t understand why he and his girls aren’t enough to pull me away from the Shore - that vast wasteland – holding nothing for his mama that really matters.

Occasionally, I remind Daniel that if we hadn't moved to the Eastern Shore, he'd have never met his wife. When Daniel left home to join the US Marines, we lived in central Maryland. When he returned home four years later, we'd lived right next-door to Amber's family. One day Amber came home to visit her parents in Marion Station… and she never left ... that is until they left together as husband and wife with their twin daughters to new home in Virginia. “The Shore gave you Amber” I tell him.

Admittedly, adapting to rural life was difficult. Sometimes it's a struggle to live in a community that is so in your business? When local law enforcement pulls in your driveway, it's all the talk. It took me two weeks to quell the small-town curiosity when a sheriff deputy, knocked on my door - not to serve papers or arrest me, but to tell me my dogs were loose. Evidently, he knew my dogs. So during the next week's errands to the post office, the convenience store, and the bank - I was careful to steer the conversation in a direction that covered why a sheriff’s vehicle was in front of my house. "Oh, those crazy dogs. Can you believe it? Out terrorizing the neighborhood again."

My family and friends can't believe I want to live where a mosquito is more likely to kill you than a criminal, and front page newspaper headlines read "Boy finds $300" ...or where snakes appear under your porch in the summer, feral cats travel in herds, where you are likely to see between 10,000 and 50,000 live chickens in a given week, and where just about everyone - I mean everyone - owns a gun.

Don't bring your designer clothes or pricey cars and boats here either. People consider such things wasteful. A local farmer, whom I knew to be quite wealthy, told me, "I see those guys down to the Marina in their designer clothes. I bought my shirt at the Wal-Mart for $10. This boater bought his shirt in Baltimore and paid $50. The way I see it, we both got new shirts, but his has a little man riding a pony on it ... and I've got forty extra dollars."

Dan Burgoyne says he'd like to live in Montana or Ireland or Nova Scotia. But those are just fantasies. He'd really most like to live where I live, and if I said "let's go" he'd pack the car and follow me anywhere. So when I have such a cooperative partner who'd gladly move to any romantic destination I suggest – why would I limit myself to Maryland's Eastern Shore?

Well, I'll try to answer...

How can I express the magic of the Tangier Sound or the enchantment of indrawn tides? What words can describe the grace of the cormorant as it swoops and dives around the pilings, then perches on the tallest one, putting itself above all the other birds? Where do you begin to talk about the great marshes that unfold over thousands of acres, where each blade of marsh grass has two colors so that when the wind sweeps across the marsh it's as if the Almighty himself is swiping a divine brush across the land. The marsh is never the same with two glances. It's one landscape that continually changes minute by minute. I fail here in describing the marsh. Suffice it to say that the marsh is poetry...words are pointless. And I'm exhilarated and humbled to be a mere image in that landscape.

Let me tell you about my commute to work. It takes as long as a commute from Columbia to Baltimore in rush hour, but covers twice the distance, and never slows in traffic. I pass miles of rolling fields and the biggest sky this side of the Appalachian Mountains. I cross four Maryland rivers and witness bald eagles, great blue herons and falcons fishing near the riverbanks. There are stretches of road where the penetration of what must be the eternal world peeps through, for the divinity of a landscape uninterrupted by development - unchanged since ancient times - shows itself, and its nature is mystical.

I traded the rat race for a life of fewer opportunities, but the opportunities I have glisten - all their benefits shiny and apparent.

Those same folks in my community that want to know my business say “hello” and “good-bye” and “thank you.” They are the same people that surprised me by bringing meals to my home when I was injured in an auto accident, and helped repair my barn when my husband was working in Kansas for six months. The same neighbors who were concerned over the sheriff’s car in my driveway rushed over and lifted a very sick, 180 lb Newfoundland (dog) in and out of my car when I had no one to help get this beloved, furry member of our family to the vet.

Folks in my community ask about my family, and appear to be interested when I give them an answer. They are grateful when I shop in their stores or patronize their restaurants. They show up at funerals and weddings, fish fries and clambakes. They value the company of one another, hard work, and helping a neighbor more than the flash of material possessions. They can find benefit in spending a Sunday afternoon sitting on the front porch with a friend, pondering the tides, the way the crabs are running, the impact of sickness in a family, and what to plant in next year's garden.

Perhaps my biggest discovery about the people here is that they know what they have. City-dwellers come to the country to vacation and relax, but hidden in the backs of their upwardly mobile minds is a belief that these locals don't know enough to leave, that they haven't seen how the other half lives, and don't know what they're missing. But once you've lived among these people, you recognize the clear wisdom in their uncluttered view of happiness and contentment. You also see their extraordinary - almost sacramental reverence for their land.

Crisfield native Lem Ward - one of the two Ward Brothers of decoy-carving fame, resisted attending a ceremony in New York City that was to recognize his accomplishments in pioneering an American art form. He shunned travel to the Big Apple to receive an award from the National Endowment for the Arts. He was quoted as saying, "How could I leave this marsh?"

The locals know where their treasure lies. Who wouldn't want to live around people like that?

Who would believe as you slink through the distressed towns of Crisfield and Marion Station that these places spawned the father of Maryland University, the Ward Brothers, the founders of Crown Cork & Seal and Del Monte, the only Governor in Maryland's history to occupy all three offices of the Board of Public Works, and a member of Abraham Lincoln's cabinet - and a female member at that? Though the populations have shrunk, and vibrancy dwindled in these seemingly forgotten localities, the bones of the old towns are kept intact by communities committed to preserving heritage and protecting a legacy.

The value that draws the city tourist in for an experience that lasts a day or two, is the native's way of life forever. These local people appreciate the natural paradise around them. They understand the value of knowing who they are, where they came from, and the power of moving forward together.

So why do I live here?

I'm not one of the natives. How could I ever be comfortable living as a "come-here," an implant, a foreigner? Upon reflection, I'm reminded that these native folks were once foreigners too. There's something to be said for the old Indian belief that we belong to the land - not the contrary. The same belief is mirrored in the Celtic view of finding "one's place of resurrection" - where God calls everyone to a specific geographic location where the Divine Presence is felt strongest by that individual. I’m thinking the land chose me.. I didn’t choose it. If that’s the case, I guess the locals will just have to make room.

Does some piece of land - some specific shred of landscape call each of us?

I admit I believe that there is one place on earth where each person belongs... sometimes that place shifts in a lifetime, but if we accept this concept, we feel entirely at home in that place. We are anxious to return when we're gone for too long. The comfort of relationships and appreciation for the natural surroundings create a kind of benediction that blesses with a silent, but understood welcome. It's a place where the landscape itself holds us - and is much larger than we are. And it will hold and nurture those that come after us long after we're gone.

For my grandparents, that special place of belonging was St. Mary's County on the Patuxent River, and for my parents it was suburban Maryland. But for me, it's Maryland's Eastern Shore. No matter where I travel or whom I visit, after 10 days I'm longing for the fields, the rivers, the waterfowl, the marshes, the country roads and the friendly people that know me by name. Every time I cross the eastern span of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge and land in Queen Anne's County, a nagging anxiousness begins to subside, the pace slows and I settle back into the comfortable landscape of my life. Rather than going "to” somewhere, I feel like I'm entering into something … something that nurtures me, welcomes me, and grips my life in a way no other place has, nor I suspect will.

That, my dear friend, is what compelled me to move here.

It’s home.

Do You Give Money to a Beggar?

2010-02-22T11:57:00.001-05:00

Last week while walking from the grocery store to my car, a 30-ish white woman approached me and asked if I had a few dollars. Before I could answer she gave me this pleading look and said, "I'm so hungry."

I gave her the six dollars that was in my pocket and got into my car. She murmured, "God bless you" and got into her car. It was a not-so-old Volkswagon Jetta. I didn't feel good about giving her money. Common sense tells me she won't be spending it to feed her body, but to feed her addiction. Having close family and friends with addiction struggles I know that giving an addict money isn't helping - only enabling.

But what do you do?

I didn't have time to discuss her issues, offer to take her to McDonalds, or quiz her about where she'd spend the money. Clearly she was someone in need... but could I really provide what she needed.

Refusing her request was impossible for me. I couldn't turn my back on that pathetic face, but I know I didn't help her. It wasn't in me to lecture her. There are some who would say what I did was more cruel than turning my back. I remember talking with an old Franciscan priest years ago about beggars. He quoted the scriptures, "When I was hungry you gave me to eat" and "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers ..." He explained that the Franciscan rule demands that you respond to someone who begs.

Did Christ tell us how to identify and respond to this complexity?

What is the loving thing to do?

photo from the website of www.grahamweber.com

Throw Me Under the Bus!

2010-02-05T19:06:00.004-05:00

Two people threw me under the bus last week.

Wikipedia Definition To throw (someone) under the bus is an idiomatic phrase meaning to sacrifice some other person, usually one who is undeserving or at least vulnerable and often a friend or ally, to make personal gain.

Both people were colleagues in my professional world. Fortunately, I have three jobs, so the identities of the culprits who put the tracks on my back will be impossible to ascertain, not to mention unnecessary. Don't bother guessing. Their identities are unimportant because these bus-bowling characters live in everyone's life.

My first trip under the bus came when a colleague, who had not done her job, told her superiors it was my fault. Then she filed a complaint with my superior. I had to sit through hours of discussions and write thousands of words in emails explaining what actually happened in order to clear myself.

My second trip occurred five days later. This time a colleague with a voracious appetite for power and control saw me as a threat to his perfectly governed world where he is king and everyone else either worships him or answers to him. Resisting the urge to mimic the boy in Anderson's fairytale, and point out that this dressed-up king was "necked" ... I refuted the bully's accusations with politeness and collegial respect, then I spent more hours in discussion and composing emails that clarified my actions and the course of events. But after all that, I still had to face this accuser in a meeting of major "higher-ups" where he wielded his bogus charges against me.

After lengthy discussion, and reviewing of documents that proved my accuser wrong, the "higher-ups" - with much sensitivity and respect - quelled his complaints, and the whole event was summed up as a big misunderstanding. He went back to rule his kingdom, and I went back to work, now free from having to devote so much time to removing the tire-tracks on my back without actually upsetting those who threw me under the bus.

This is all so silly. But are either of these two scenarios so different from conflicts that dissolve friendships, tear families apart, rip up communities and start battles that turn into war?

It's all the same game. Those who feel small inside find strong figures to falsely revere (butt-kiss actually), and weak people to exploit. But kissing the asses of superiors and victimizing the weak doesn't shrink the enormous sense of nothingness that feeds on their fragile self images.

These "very little people" view the good work of others as a threat. Recognition of success that they can't cash in on is like salt rubbed into festering wounds. They give fake adulation to people in superior positions just to keep their territorial hold. But under the cover of gossip and backbiting, they belittle anyone outside their managed kingdom whose good work threatens their false superiority. Those good works, after all, reveal the naked truth.... that they are just the same as the rest of us working schlubs.

Oh, and dare I add ... they fear they might actually have to WORK like the rest of us working schlubs.

How do we deal with these dishonest, fake, fragile, hurt, fearful, small...small people? I'm not sure. But I sense that returning their accusations with anger and trying to fight them at their own game is not productive. Sometimes the battle is more costly that the value of whatever you hope to win.

So for now, I accept that if I am to be productive and achieve results, I must add extra time and effort to handle the unfortunate colleagues that see my accomplishments as a threat... as an interruption to the empty accolades they receive as they parade down the runway - donning their fanciful,fictitious clothes. I must put on the armor that protects me against the imminent crush of the bus which I will inevitably be thrown under.

I'd still rather be me than one of them.

Kayaking ... a Sport for Fat Ladies

2009-11-22T13:27:00.005-05:00

For all you plus size women out there that are sick of looking at the bikini-clad girls on the beach swatting the volleyball, and you chunky girls who can't keep up with the trim chics jogging, the cyclists whizzing by, the yoga freaks bending, the pilate divas focus on their "core," ... finally there is a low-impact sport that does not involve walking. Walking? Why is that always our exercise of choice? Probably because too much would "jiggle" uncontrollably if we tried anything more physically stressful. I like a good walk just as much as the next girl, but it does get boring. I get tired of seeing the same things.

Kayaking is something a fat lady can do.... as long as you can fit in the kayak. Let's start by understanding that I'm referring to "flat water" kayaking, not sea kayaking or white-water kayaking. There are plenty of kayaks out there with open or very wide pilot areas that are safe and easy to maneuver on flat water. Kayaking gives you a great upper-body workout with the benefit of actually getting to see something, and it can be different every time. When you get tired, just coast for awhile.

I have a mango colored Heritage Featherlite kayak with padded seat, storage in front and back and a removable drainage plug. It has an open pilot area (big girls can fit) and storage capacity for a bag to carry a camera, a journal, hat, sunglasses, gloves, water .... and SNACKS! These kayaks are ideal for all day trips and light enough for the average healthy woman to easily load on the car top - we use the Yakima J-Racks which fit nicely on our Subaru Forester.

The kayak is about 50 lbs. I also throw the "Skinny Minny" Step Stool (really, this isn't a joke - that's what it's called) in the back of the Forester with my paddle, carrying bag and lifejacket. With the assistance of the step-stool I can load and unload the kayak by myself and go wherever I want, whenever I want.

There's something liberating about having your own watercraft and the freedom to paddle around and see the sites not accessible to any of the skinny girls jogging on the road. I've seen otter, bald eagles, wild ponies (Assateague National Seashore), scads of waterfowl, terrapins and some of the most breathtaking scenery in the Mid and North Atlantic region. My favorite kayaking jaunt is still the Great Pocomoke River in Worcester / Somerset Counties on Maryland's Lower Eastern Shore. The swamps, bald cypress trees, wildlife and untouched landscape is to die for. I recommend Dividing Creek and Corkers Creek - both off the Pocomoke. Second best kayaking spot?... Stonington Maine on Deer Isle, one of the largest archipelagos in the North Atlantic. I paddled the trail from Stonington to McGlathery Island.

On the Chesapeake I've kayaked the Nassawango Creek, Barren Creek, Blackwater Wildlife Refuge, The Upper Choptank, Marshy Hope Creek, Tuckahoe River, The Big and Little Annemessex Rivers, Ape's Hole Creek, Jenkins Creek, Tred Avon River, Fishing Bay, Manokin River, Sinepuxent Bay, Chincoteague Bay, Tom's Cove, the Wicomico and Nanticoke Rivers. I'm anxious to try the water trail in Talbot County, Maryland near Tilghman Island that weaves through Back Creek and Eastern Bay. I'd also like to explore some trails in the northern part of the Bay region and Delaware.

Suggestions are welcome.

Here's a good guide for exploring Maryland's water trails.

A FEW TIPS FOR BEGINNERS:

Do not go alone until you've gone with someone else several times and mastered the art of paddling in a strong current, turning and stopping. These are easy skills to pick up, but vital in an emergency.
Pick a lake or creek for your first few trips. Paddling will be easy and your skills will develop quicker. Strong currents can be daunting.
Be sure to tell someone (not on the trip) where you intend to kayak and what time you expect to be back.
Wear you life jacket.
Take a camera. I store mine in a zip lock bag stashed in a canvas bag behind the pilot area until I'm ready to use it. This keeps the moisture off.
Don't go out in extreme heat. Save that for when you're a pro ... same with cold temps below 40 degrees.
Take a journal or digital recorder. Write down what you see, how the landscape looks, what the surroundings cause you to think about. This makes for great reading later.
Take a cell phone. I've ruined or damaged two cell phones kayaking, but I'd still never be out on the water without one. Have the phone number for the local marine authority already plugged into the phone, in case you need assistance. A cell phone is a crucial tool if you experience any difficulty while kayaking.
Take a compass and chart (map) of the region. It's easy to lose your bearings, especially in flat water regions. NEVER follow the shore line as a guide. Shorelines twist and turn. Keep your chart handy so you know where you're going and how to return.
Consider your launch spot .... it's usually easy to get in your kayak and scoot INTO the water. But consider how you're going to get OUT of the water. Launching at a marsh edge can be easy .. but try to get that kayak up against the same edge and then get out of the kayak without having to get in the water... you may not even know the depth. When beginning, you may want to choose a paved boat ramp.

Happy kayaking my chubby friends! Please let me know about the fun you have. Here are a few kayak pics from my collection.

A great blue heron landing on a loblolly pine tree. Monie Creek. Somerset County, MD. This creek is very near my home and quite secluded. Wildlife abounds and the water is almost always flat and serene.

Kayaking with the Eastern Shore TADD (Tourism, Arts, and Downtown Development) group on the Choptank River in Cambridge. The Choptank is a beautiful river with several protected launch sites. Cambridge is a great town to spend a day.

Sunrise paddle on Passamaquoddy Bay near Eastport, Maine. Our campsite overlooked this area. We launched a few feet from from our camper. The water in this region is famous for the undercurrents and whirlpools. Dan and I both got sucked into one and were nearly carried to Cananda before we got out of it. That was a looooong paddle back to the campsite. After that, we stowed our kayaks for the rest of the trip.

Deer Isle Harbor near Stonington, Maine. This water was a little rough, but beautiful scenery throughout the archipelago. I got the sh#t scared out of me when a seal popped up out of the water just behind me, splashed, dove and swam under the kayak only to rise and splash me in the face when he surfaced.

Still one of my all time favorites - Assateague National Seashore where the wild ponies roam the beaches. This photo was taken on the Virginia side. There's a great little sheltered cove for paddlers (Tom's Cove). Just over the dunes is the roaring Atlantic. You can hear the waves crashing, as you paddle in serene shelter of the cove on flat water. The ponies are almost always visible from this cove.

BOOK REVIEW: 1000 Places To See Before You Die (US & Canada)

2009-07-13T18:10:00.013-04:00

Patricia Schultz has followed up her best selling book 1000 Places to See Before You Die which took her over 12 years to research and write, with another best seller focusing on sites in the United States and Canada.

1000 Places to See Before You Die in the US and Canada has over 1100 pages that cover sites in the 50 United States and 10 provinces of Canada. Additionally there are a dozen indexes for cross referencing based on interest rather than simple geography. If you're interested in active travel and adventure, Schultz' has an index that organizes lists of sites from the book into 14 sections that include biking, fishing, dog sledding, climbing, horseback riding, ice skating, rafting, sailing, skiing, surfing, swimming and tennis. There is also a "culinary experiences" index, a "great golf" index and a "take the kids" index.

Ms. Shultz admitted in an interview on the Travel with Rick Steves radio program that it took her 4 years to complete this book. When asked why she chose the US and Canada for her second focus she replied that she could not identify such a "singularly astonishing continent in the world in terms of what it offers; the diversity and the importance of what we have here, I think is unmatched anywhere else in the world."

The core of this book was comprised of the 150 sites that Schultz included in her first book which covered the entire planet Earth. The words "1000 Places" in the title of this book is slightly misleading. Readers will be pleasantly surprised to find that several locations are frequently folded into one of the 1000 mentioned sites. For example, one of the 1000 places identified in the book is "Garrett County Maryland", but in that one entry, Shultz mentions riding rapids down the Youghiogheny, Deep Creek Lake, Wisp Ski Resort, an organic farm in Oakland, and seven state forests and parks. She begins the entry, "The far western tip of Maryland packs more outdoors options into one single county than any other in the state."

Just as I thought there was much in Maryland she didn't cover, many will say Patricia Schultz didn't get some of the best sites in their home states and territories. But it was her project, so I respect her choices. The book is a perfect resource for an individual or family taking a road trip that covers several states. If you're traveling through South Carolina and Georgia on your way to Florida, Schultz offers choices and alternatives to zooming through states without a second glance. This makes road trips far richer. Her indexes allow the traveler to focus specifically on areas of personal interest as well as geographic locations.

My husband, Dan and I are going to Maine this month. We try to get up there every two years in order to visit his large family. But this year, instead of taking 16 hours to rush through 8 states we're going to take two days and stop in Hartford CT to see the home of Mark Twain, and Salem, MA (since I just read The Lace Reader by Brunonia Barry) where we'll see the House of Seven Gables, go to the Peabody Essex Museum (the oldest continually operating museum in the country), and look at other things "witchy."

As far as Ms. Schultz' coverage of my home state - Maryland, I'm impressed that one of the 13 sites identified in our state was Crisfield and Smith and Tangier Islands... my home area. The islands are always worth a visit, being the only inhabited off-shore islands in both states. My only gripe was that she referred to Crisfield as "sleepy." What is it with these travel writers? Only last Sunday, Jordan Hruska writer of The Crab Houses of Maryland's Eastern Shore in the NY Times Travel section made this statement about the Hyatt Chesapeake Resort in Cambridge ... "This 400-room hotel, spa and golf resort capitalizes on its views of the Choptank River, just outside sleepy Cambridge." Actually, the hotel is in Cambridge. Secondly, what about Cambridge is sleepy?

Small does not equal sleepy. Brick sidewalks, historic facades, working waterfronts, sailboats and friendly people do not denote "sleepy". Sleepy is almost as tired and overused as quaint, charming, breathtaking, exotic and jewel. None of these cute words merit adjective status when describing Eastern Shore towns. Obviously Jordan Hruska has not read 10 Words and Phrases We Never Want to See in Travel Writing Again. Forgive my little pet peeve digression.

1000 Places to See Before You Die - US and Canada is worth every bit of the $19.95 retail price. Just the information on the Mark Twain House and Salem was double the return on the investment for me, and I expect that value will multiply over the years. The book is one of few guide books that will become a staple in the travel-bag of American tourists that have a penchant for wandering and discovering when they take to the road.

Ann Granados ~ Rest In Peace

2009-07-06T16:53:00.006-04:00

Ann Horner Granados passed away on July 5th. It was a great loss not only to my uncle Lou and her children - but to the Granados clan, at least those of us who were fortunate enough to get to know her well.

Dan and I are so sad. Our hearts are heavy to think we'll never again see her smile, feel her enthusiasm or hear her positive voice. She was such a presence.

It always amazed me that though I was but one of 30+ off-spring in the Luis Granados (Sr.) chain, Ann treated me as if I was the only one.

She was always so kind to me, so interested in what I was doing, what I was thinking, how my kids were getting on, what was new in our lives. Ann and my Uncle Lou made every effort to be at all major family occasions, even when getting around and traveling long distances became more difficult as they both experienced health challenges. You could always count on them for support and encouragement- and to be present at important events.

Seven years ago Dan and I moved from Laurel, Maryland where the population was high (87,000) and jobs were plentiful, to Somerset County on the rural Eastern Shore where the population (26,000) was one third the size of Laurel. Jobs were scarce.

Within a few months I got a job working for a small town in Worcester County - the same county Lou and Ann lived in. I did well there, getting my first experience working with local government and economic development.

But one year later I was fired from that job. It was sudden, unexpected, and devastating. I had never left a job where people weren't sorry to see me go. Dan's hours had been cut back due to a slump in the building industry, and we had a daughter in college. Ann rushed to my rescue. She invited me to lunch at the Atlantic Hotel in Berlin and I briefed her on what happened.

She went to work, using any influence she had to help me get a job with the State of Maryland. Within a few months I was hired by the Department of Business and Economic Development after going through a series of rigorous interviews.

I'm not ashamed to have been a political appointee, hired perhaps because I knew someone influential ... that's part of our political process. The cause for shame would have come if I didn't do a good job or take the responsibility seriously; if I merely took a free ride and wasted the tax payers money.

As it turned out, I loved the new state job, and was able to be very productive. Working for this Agency I was performing duties similar to those in the small town job - but covering several counties on the Eastern Shore. I thrived in the position and am still at it finding it one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs I've ever had. I have the opportunity to help hundreds of businesses, develop great relationships with people (some who have become lifelong friends), and show the humble few I serve that government really can do good things. I am privileged to be walking proof that Maryland does care about business and economic development, enough to put a human resource in the far reaches of the state to offer on-the-ground assistance to businesses and local communities.

I owe all of that joy and job satisfaction to Ann Granados.

The last time I saw Ann was at my mother's funeral just over a year ago. Even at times when people didn't know what to say, Ann found something comforting and appropriate. She was one of the most loving, energetic people I've ever known.

What a great loss this is for everyone in her world.

My faith tells me Ann is in a better place, enjoying the company of her loved ones that went before her. It also tells me she's preparing a place for all of us who will eventually follow her.

But my selfish nature wishes she was still here for another family reunion, wedding, christening, summer crab feast, Christmas party or chat about the latest craziness in the world or new development in the family.

Her absence will be hard to get used to. But I'm comforted by my memories of her and thankful I was able to get to know her and share my life with her ... Rest in peace, Ann.

Pictures above top to bottom - 1. Ann at an event in Princess Anne, Maryland. John Phoebus in background. 2. Ann and Jim Rzepkowski at Maryland event. 3. Ann and Lou at birthday celebration in Calvert County for Lou's brother, Joe.

Local Man Takes His Own Life

2009-07-03T14:05:00.011-04:00

On July 1st - the day before yesterday - the Director of Planning for Somerset County committed suicide. He also served as the Chair of the Board of Education. He was born and raised on Deal Island, an attorney who had his own practice. He was a leader in the local Republican Central Committee. He had a mother, father and three sisters. He had never married, and was 41 years old.

According to local news reports, he spent July 1st with the County Superintendent of Schools at an out-of-town workshop. Meanwhile, postal inspectors and customs agents, known for conducting probes into child pornography and Internet crimes, searched his home and office for evidence. An investigation began, and as an attorney he probably knew what the evidence would turn up. He returned from the workshop at about 5:30 pm, and later that night he got in his pickup truck, pulled into a parking lot on Deal Island and shot himself. He was found that evening... dead.

The community is in shock.

I casually knew this man. More shocking to me than the allegations against him and his suicide, are the nasty blog responses that surfaced only one day later. The scum has risen to top of the blog pond. One poster began with, "he dealt with people in an honest and upfront manner." but ended with, "he did us all a favor by shooting himself. Child Porn and those involved are the sickest most evil people on Earth and they all need to be destroyed."

Go figure.

Nobody beats Joe Albero, though ... a local blogger with a reputation for bashing, and destructive comments. He was the first to post a response to the news article covering the suicide. Albero began with, "When I started interviewing people about this man, each and every person praised him and spoke extremely high of him." and ended with, "Open your eyes Folks. A single man at his age, HELLO!"

The full story and complete postings are at the Daily Times website.

Do we have to stoop to this level to discuss this issue? It seems that when something bad - really bad - happens, we feel compelled to blame and punish immediately... but is it best to recklessly act on that compulsion with no restraint? Are there consequences?

This man, who hasn't been tried yet, was clearly not all bad. He had a family, and people in his life who loved him, valued him. He has a record of helping others in the community. Who does it help to make such statements after such a tragic end, even if he is guilty of a crime?

Does it make you feel better, Mr. Albero, to write such small minded content about a man who may have committed the unthinkable crime, then in shame and humiliation tragically took his own life? Should every 41 year old man who's never been married be suspect now in our communities? Should we be watching them? Should we allow never-married 41 year olds to be teachers, church leaders, run for public office?

Are you so perfect, Mr. Albero?

For the record, I was a victim of child abuse that included being exploited by those who peddled child pornography. It was a long time ago when the medium was Polaroids, and it was horrible. But being the victim didn't make me a hater, and I strive to keep my balance and perspective when making judgments. We cannot be civilized if we rush to judgment and wish the ultimate abuse on those we suspect to be guilty of violent crimes. This is the mentality of lynch mobs, and mindless followers that tag behind strong speakers that spew hate in the name of righteousness.

Child abuse is wrong - and there's never an excuse for it. Perpetrators should be justly punished. But we probably should resist the temptation of enjoying the punishment.

People who commit terrible crimes are still human beings. We demean our own humanity when we reduce ourselves to a mob mentality blinded by all perspectives save the one that sees the criminal as an object to be destroyed.

Jack Willing hasn't been tried for his "suspected" crime ... but he's been convicted by the ones with the loudest voices, and he's not even around to suffer the conviction. Only his friends and family are left to take the punches from the righteous - and it's clear that the righteous love throwing them.

Song Yet Sung - a Book for all Marylanders

2009-02-13T08:34:00.014-05:00

Song Yet Sung, by James McBride, is the selection for One Maryland One Book for 2009, a program of the Maryland Humanities Council.

According to the MHC website:

"One Maryland One Book is Maryland’s first and only statewide community reading project. It is designed to bring together diverse people in communities across the state through the shared experience of reading the same book and participating in book-centered discussions and other related programs at public libraries, high schools, colleges and universities, museums, bookstores, and other organizations."

As a supporter of reading and literacy, and as a native Marylander, I felt compelled to participate in the One Maryland One Book program. Currently, I have no time for pleasure reading. My full time job with the Maryland Department of Business and Economic Development has me working extended hours - especially during this economic crisis. But, as part of my job, I spend 12 to 15 hours per week driving up and down the Eastern Shore. So I downloaded the audio version of Song Yet Sung, put the 10 hour, unabridged edition on my ipod, and began listening as I traversed the roads and scenic byways of Dorchester, Talbot, Caroline, Kent, Wicomico and Somerset Counties.

I've never enjoyed an audio book so much.

The way James McBride describes the Eastern Shore of Maryland, naming familiar places like East New Market, Blackwater, Bishop's Head, Cook's Point, the Spocott plantation, the reader would presume he was a native - but he's not. Set in pre-Civil War Dorchester County, (birthplace of Harriet Tubman) the story is rich with suspense and drama bringing legendary characters like Patty Cannon alive. Cannon is not a fictional character. She actually lived in Dorchester County, very near the Caroline and Sussex County lines. She was a legendary slave-catcher and murderer, who committed suicide when she was finally arrested. McBride brings Cannon's character to life in Song Yet Sung.

The tale McBride weaves about the trials of escaped slaves and free Blacks that were captured and "sold down the river" is poignant and riveting. It vividly paints a picture of the Eastern Shore when the Underground Railroad was in operation.

McBride also links the details of this story - set in 1850 - to future America. The main character, a slave named Liz Spocott (aka "the Dreamer") is captured by Patty Cannon. She soon escapes capture and spends the rest of the story as a fugitive being led by other slaves and free blacks to freedom through use of a "code." Liz had a unique clairvoyant gift that allowed her to see into the future, and see her people in the present day, with their present challenges. McBride shows how complex relationships between Blacks and Whites evolved, and became the relationships of today. His juxtaposition of the race relations of then and now shows that there is still much work to be done towards healing.

Phoebe Stein Davis, Maryland Humanities Council Executive Director states, "Song Yet Sung offers Marylanders the opportunity to come together around the state in our communities and talk about this beautiful and important novel and the picture it paints of this chapter in Maryland history. ... This is not simply a story of slavery, but rather a tale of freedom, hope, redemption, and identity, with a generous dose of commentary on modern American society."

The story is a great story for Marylanders but and even better story for all Americans. If you love America, and her heritage, if you love descriptive settings and compelling characters, if you're curious about pre-Civil War race relations in a border state, or if you've ever visited Maryland's Eastern Shore - Song Yet Sung is a MUST read.

Seeing What Isn't There

2009-02-08T10:41:00.009-05:00

After attending Church this morning, I am so bewildered. There were over 300 people present in the worshipping community. Lifeless and seemingly uninspired, this congregation didn't sing, mumbled responses and resisted any contact with each other. During the sign of peace four people shook my hand. Three never made eye contact with me, and the fourth briefly glanced at me, but while shaking my hand looked on to the next person he would "shake" with.

If only the travel-size bottle of Purell in my purse could wash off the lingering scum of lukewarm spirituality.

The priest stood in front in his congregation and spoke in mono-tones. His words were uninspiring and his delivery of prayer lifeless. It was as if he was programmed, and his flock mirrored this quality... rote motions, boring and repetitive.

Then came the proclamation of the Word ....

This Sunday's readings have the despondent Job declaring he will never see happiness again. Then the gospel takes an opposite turn dramatically telling the story of Christ healing Peter's mother-in-law. This healing ignited a spark that spread into a conflagration in that community's sick, lost and despondent - pushing them to rush towards Jesus - overwhelming him in order to grasp some share in the miracle of his presence as seen at the sick woman's bedside.

This gospel never fails to move me - no matter how many times I hear it. Yet, I could feel no ripple of inspiration from my fellow worshippers today - even during the consecration, the priest didn't seem to notice the miracle. How can you not notice? Perhaps he's shy about showing emotion. Perhaps he's bored with it all.

I was not in my home parish this weekend, so Fr. Porter need not fear I'm speaking of him. I was out of town, but I see the same apathy and spiritual deadness in many churches I attend as I travel. This inspired me to write If I were Pope for a Day back in 2006, an article for which I received hundreds of responses - mostly critical, from readers that were quick to assure me I was committing a grave sin by leading others astray. Complaining about apathy and deadness in the Church always seems to stir up the ... what's the word?? ..... apologists! Their fury dominates the stage and seizes the spotlight. But if you look closely you can see that the stage is floating. It rests on no base.

I wonder if Ruth Gledhill, religious correspondent from The Times Online got hate mail when she commented on the article If Obama were Pope by Prof. Hans Kung. This article aligned Pope Benedict with much reviled George Bush and claims they both are "suffering from lack of trust." Kung, who was a colleague of Pope Benedict at Tubingen, claims the Pope still favors people who reject the freedom of religion. The article is just another liberal vs. conservative argument that plagues political systems and religious institutions globally stalling progress.

Still, where's the fire? The fire of the Spirit is never found in rhetoric or criticism. It's not that spirited discussions should be unwelcomed - but what good are they when the foundation is already lost? We've lost the fire in our faith communities, but we turn away from our community members and chase after the steely, cold support of ideals - ideals on which we can proudly pontificate - ideals that dominate those we turn from. We'd rather be right than be loving.

I recall a quote I love by the not-so-popular Donald Rumsfeld:

"Look for what's missing. Many advisers can tell a President how to improve what's proposed or what's gone amiss. Few are able to see what isn't there."

While the theologians and prophets of today advise the church on how to fix what's wrong and win souls back, they miss the glaring vacancy. They miss what isn't there.

If I Were Pope For A Day

2009-02-02T14:00:00.005-05:00

this was originally posted on the Writing the Vision Website in March of 2006

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would insist all Bishops and Cardinals leave their separate residences and live with their priests in their local community. The title bishop should not exalt the ordained but humble them, reminding them that they are shepherds called more to serve their flock, and less to dominate it.

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would challenge all pastors to rediscover the wonder and mystery of the Eucharist. If they believe in their hearts that bread and wine is transformed into the true divine presence during the consecration, it should show in their faces at Mass. It should be revealed in their eyes as they distribute communion. Each priest should hunger to spread this belief.

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would issue a proclamation to the faithful stating each person should be less interested in reforming the social injustices of the Church and more interested in reforming their own lives. If the time spent chanting about priests being free to marry and women being ordained were spent on helping the poor, forgiving a foe, or loving a neighbor, the Church's lingering injustices would sort themselves out.

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would remind my faithful - especially priests, teachers, and parents - that love relationships are like bank accounts. Affirmations are the deposits. Corrections and criticisms are withdrawals. Overdrafts carry penalties and bad credit is hard to shake. Don't offer a correction without making a few deposits first.

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would pose this question to every woman ... "When does life begin?" This is an unanswerable question as no one has effectively proven when life actually begins. Then, I would beg women everywhere to give "life" or "potential life" the benefit of the doubt. If you're into being free to choose - choose not to get pregnant.

If I were Pope for day ...
... I would ban the song One Bread, One Body and Hail Mary Gentle Woman from ever being sung in a Catholic Church. They gives overkill a new meaning.

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would ban choir robes for they give liturgical exaltation to servants and divide the worshipping community.

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would ask the head of the Church of England what she has in that pocketbook.

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would require religious leaders (priests, pastors, bishops) to devote two to four weeks a year for a personal retreat - not a vacation - but a retreat specifically designed for reflection, devotion and spiritual growth. How can the leaders expect to be able to feed the flock when they themselves are starving?

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would tell my priests and pastors that the most rampant sin of the priesthood is leading a dead faith community. I would also add that no excuses for having a dead faith community are necessary because none will be accepted.

Administrative tasks should never supersede spiritual leading. A pastor's job is to breath the life of the spirit into his community and that life should be felt by all who enter. This is the core of the vocation - to love as Christ loved. To live according to Christ's teaching. Priest and Pastors should be striving to capture that essence of Christ and bring it to their people... always .. every day ... without tiring. Neglecting to do this is sinful and provides a ripple effect off apathy that fractures and weakens the Church.

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would spend at least half the day in jeans and a sweatshirt in a poor neighborhood listening to the mothers, the elderly, the children, the marginalized and powerless. I would pray with them and for them. And I would beg them to pray for me.

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would guide the Church to spend some money on a worldwide marketing campaign that encourages praying the rosary, complimented by free rosaries, pamphlets of instruction and video commercials featuring testimony by those who have experienced great change in their lives for having prayed the rosary.

If I were Pope for the day ...
... I would warn all priests and bishops that Ecclesiastical ambition is sinful and lines the roadbed to hell. Reject the desire for title, power and recognition. Transform it into the desire to know yourself and give yourself to others by serving. Christ rejected titles and the ones who sought power and control were the very ones who organized his crucifixion.

If I were Pope for the day ...
...I would make a new rule that requires all priests and bishops share a meal at the table of a poor family in their community once a week. What does one learn by dining with the rich? Since I believe few clergy would take this rule seriously, I would require a written postcard from each priest be sent to his bishop weekly. I would command the bishops to display the cards with his own somewhere prominent in the diocese or community where the faithful can read them and learn from them.

Writing Avoidance

2009-02-01T13:33:00.006-05:00

This morning, while I was avoiding working on Thin Places; Celtic Doorways to the Otherworld – a book I’ve been trying to write for about 12 years now, I thought I’d motivate myself by leafing through some of the many books I have on the craft of writing – just another ploy to psyche myself into getting to work.

I came across some great stuff – so as another ploy to avoid writing, I’m sharing these gems with you, – my fellow writers, publishers, readers, etc.

Hope they give you a smile or at least a few entertaining moments of reflective thought..

My favorite is one I’ve read before. It takes me back to my days as a publisher, and I smile at its irony – fearing I’ve become what I used to hate. It was written by W. Adolphe Roberts in March of 1921. Roberts was the editor of Ainslee’s Magazine and this quote came from his article entitled, Why I Rejected Ten Thousand Manuscripts:

“The unsolicited manuscripts fell into two natural groups, the amateur and the professional. The former comprised 90 percent of the total, the latter 10 percent. The large army of untrained and, for the most part, talentless persons in the United States who seem to be determined to become writers is a constant source of astonishment to this editor. The aspirants are well educated and generally earn their livings in semi-literary callings, such as the church, teaching, library work, etc. But they have nothing original to say, and their technique consist of a stilted imitation of classical models. …. The 10 percent of workmanlike stories and articles by professionals constitutes the raw material which this editor tests and weighs, from which he selects – however 90 percent of that 10 percent had no worthwhile content.”

Ouch! Hope I’m in the 10 percent – No wait, the 90 percent – No wait again, the 10 percent of the 10 percent.

Here’s another one I like by Charles Baxter – one sentence, short and sweet:

“Feeling of inadequacy are the black lung disease of writing.”

Suddenly, I can’t breathe.

Finally, (and then I’ll get back to writing), a quote by Robert Haas

“It’s hell writing, but it’s hell not writing. The only tolerable state is just having written”

Bye for now.
I’m going to try for that Robert Haas "tolerable state."

Hope all is well with all of you.

All Men's Sins Are Shorcuts To Love

2008-10-24T08:05:00.009-04:00

REFLECTIONS ON SUNDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2009

Every human being has an inherent need to be loved. Most all of what we do is motivated by that need in one way or another.

I once asked my children what they would do if everyone in the world died and all the world's possessions belonged to them... they would have the ability to use the technology - could fly airplanes, operate cruise ships, run trains, and drive any car. At first they exclaimed they would fly around the world, take all the designer clothes out of the stores, visit the homes of the rich and famous - and confiscate one for themselves - and park a BMW or Mercedes in the driveway.

Not too long through the conversation they realized that without people in those exciting new places, or people to see them wearing those designer clothes or driving the expensive car, it wouldn't be that fun to be rich. Others seeing our riches or experiencing them with us is the big draw.

People are what matter in the world. Without people there is no exchange of love or affirmation, which is our basic need. Why would we want the BIG house, the DESIGNER clothes, the EXPENSIVE car, when a simple house, affordable clothes and a car that runs will serve the same purpose? The yearning for these things comes from secretly believing the lie that we will seem more important, be envied, or rank higher than others when we have these things. This is the same reason we write letters after our name, like MBA and PhD - It sets us apart with a certain recognition advancing our status in a community.

John Steinbeck wrote, "All men's sins are shortcuts to love." Riches and labels of importance are shortcuts to love.

From birth we need affirmation to live. Babies die if they aren't touched and loved. The same happens as we go older, only the "death" isn't physical. We all crave love and most everything we do is pulling us toward filling that need.

In Exodus 22: 20-26, God warns not to oppress an alien or harm a widow or orphan. These were the poor and marginalized of the time the ones who had no affirmation or acceptance in their communities. They stood on the fringes hoping to be invited into to the inner circle.

"If ever you wrong them and they cry out to me, I will surely hear their cry. My wrath will flare up, and I will kill you with the sword;then your own wives will be widows, and your children orphans."

Where are the widows and orphans in our communities?
Perhaps their vulnerability isn't so visible, but I'm convinced these poor ones are with us.
They are the new family that comes to church, whom we politely ignore, and the unattractive person just hired in our office who talks too much. They are the bitter, reclusive man who won't look at or talk to anyone - the same man who's teenage son died last year. They are the homeless man near a city monument who waves at the tourist with a smile as she snaps a photo.
Does it really cost us that much to wave back with a sincere smile? Why do we reject these types? Is our propensity to ignore and overlook rooted in a fear of becoming like them?
God is very clear in the Exodus scripture above. Through the prophet the Lord says that he sees the vulnerability in these poor ones, and he will defend them by kicking the likes of us that marginalize them to the outside.
Welcome is so important - welcome is the first sign of reaching toward someone, of affirmation, of love. Warmly welcoming that new family in church, inviting the lady who talks too much to lunch, finding the perfect small gift for the man so pained with loss and guilt that he can never return the gesture, smiling sincerely at a stranger - even a stranger that is creepy... these are the acts of welcoming those who are different into our lives.
These actions aren't easy but they matter, and God sees them.
May I always remember what it's like to be new in a community, lost in a large group, misunderstood by my closest friends, and ugly to some people. And with this understanding, may I be a carrier of love, acceptance and welcome.
May I not cling to the comfort of my "clique" of friends and overlook those that are waiting to be welcomed in.

Joy and Pain

2008-08-17T14:52:00.026-04:00

Why does suffering destroy some humans and strengthen others?

How does personal tragedy make some bitter and others better?

Tragic figures like Virginia Wolf, Sylvia Plath, Vincent Van Gough and Ernest Hemingway were remarkable artists, but pain destroyed them – and they destroyed themselves.

But consider John McCain. He was shot down, taken as a prisoner of war with no treatment offered for two broken arms and a broken leg, and spent 5 1/2 years in a Hanoi prison where he was continually tortured with 2 years in solitary confinement. He attempted suicide as a POW, and was forced to record an anti-American statement for propaganda. How did he move beyond that experience and not become bitter? How can he be so positive, still looking forward towards great goals at age 70?

Think of Rose Kennedy, who lost her eldest son in WWII, a daughter in a plane crash, another daughter mentally ruined by a needless lobotomy, and had two other sons rise as world leaders only to be murdered before living out their promising legacies. She watched as a grandson was stricken with cancer, other grandsons turned to drugs, and one special grandson, the son of a murdered US President, crashed his plane on the way to wedding at Rose’s house. He was killed along with his new wife and her sister. Yet Rose always presented herself as positive, smiling and joyful, living over 100 years often being quoted as saying, “I choose to remember the good times”.

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. - Kahlil Gibran

A human person can only feel the greatest measure of joy when sorrow serves as a kind of barometer charting the changes. One is less likely to take joys for granted when the joys are measured against sorrow.

Take my suffering...

I was given up at birth, due to being illegitimate, then taken back into my birth family under the guise of being adopted. My mother was depressed and absent mentally, and emotionally. She married a pedophile when I was eleven. I was abused by him for four years before being forced to leave the home where he was permitted to stay.

I married at eighteen to find some stability, and was later abandoned by that husband when I was pregnant with my third child. I supported my children selling Tupperware.

Later I met the perfect man. He was loving, honest, loyal, hard-working, and was my first real best friend. He loved me and loved my children. I was 29 when I married him. Shortly after we were married, he adopted my children. I finally knew the fullness, the completeness, the happiness of marriage, family and home.

He died four years after we were married. His brother's wife dropped dead at his wake service. We had two funerals that week.

Some think I went crazy after my husband died. I started buying things like a publishing house and a boat that I saw at the mall. I made a failed attempt to end my life, but I survived clawing my way back to sanity, struggling with depression, financial hardships and the stresses of being a single parent of teenagers, nearly losing one of my children to drug addiction.

I stayed single for seven years and reluctantly accepted the offer for a date with a man I met at a garden center – Dan Burgoyne. He had just walked away from his life, becoming hermit-like, living in a two room cabin on an old estate, his only possessions - a brief case with important papers, a stereo, some CDs and books, a painting and a 1984 Jaguar with a Chevy engine.

I married Dan five months later. Why so quickly? We both knew suffering. We found joy in each other and clung to it.

That was nine years ago. We live in a beautiful home in the country, our six children grown, healthy and happy. We enjoy a simple life. To many, our life seems mundane. To us, it couldn’t be better.

I don’t want to get rid of that sadness; it’s part of who I am today. I feel like it’s a fertile soil at the bottom of my heart where everything wonderful grows – creativity, compassion, love and even joy. - Isabel Allende

I see people in my own family that can’t get beyond their suffering. The pain turns to blame, jealousy and resentment, and they become bitter and angry. They cut themselves off from the very comfort (the love of others) that would heal if only they’d let go of the pain and allow it to guide. Instead, they draw false comfort in trying to control people and circumstances in their lives. They can’t resist the temptation to identify and enumerate the causes of their suffering, blaming others, punishing others, casting nets of guilt over their so-called loved ones in a vain attempt to level the playing field between pain and justice. Sadly, their suffering is endless. It never lifts.

I thank God for my suffering ... for if I wasn’t abandoned by one spouse and lost another to death, I’d wouldn’t know the magnitude of blessing that comes from Dan's hand reaching out of his sleep to touch me when I get into bed each night. That casual brushing of the hand happens in millions of bedrooms around the world, but to me it’s a miracle every time, for I’ve known the absence of touch and the vacancy on the other side of the bed when no one reaches.

The presence of pain in my past magnifies the simple joys of today. It’s because I know the preciousness of present blessings that I have hope anticipating future happiness and courage to face any pending sorrows.

We must welcome suffering, not try to fix it or control it or blame someone for its having visited us. We need only realize that sorrow is not selective. It is random. Its frequency and degree don’t follow a path of deservedness. Trying to make sense of the pain stifles the growth, cuts us off from evolving into better people. We must allow sorrow in and let it fully occupy our lives – to feel it, live with it, let it grip us, shape us and hold us for its time.

It passes.

It always passes.

As it lifts, evidence of a personal evolution seizes us. The color of joy is brighter, the abundance of blessing is more visible, and the ability to endure increases. Each sorrow gives birth to a blessing exponentially greater than itself, but only when we surrender to it. Understanding and wisdom come slowly and softly as side benefits.

The Avalon Theater - Haunted History in Easton

2008-03-07T15:08:00.009-05:00

The historic Avalon Theater on Dover Street in downtown Easton, MD was proclaimed as the "Showplace of the Eastern Shore" since shortly after it was built in 1921.

Today, this magnificently restored, Art Deco style performing arts center features live entertainment year-round. The theater has an orchestra section and a two-tiered balcony level. In full concert, the Avalon can hold 400 people, and all seats are GOOD seats.

Performances can range from folk music, Celtic dancers, stage plays, ballet, and single acts such as Nancy Griffith, Leon Redbone, Joan Baez, The Mid Atlantic Symphony Orchestra, Leo Kotke, Cheryl Wheeler, Lucy Kaplansky, and the Four Tops.

For more information and a calendar of performances, check out the Avalon Theater's website. Consider spending the evening in Easton, dining at one of the outstanding restaurants before taking in a show at the Avalon, which is conveniently located in the heart of a premier historic small town. Restaurants, shops, galleries, museums and lodging - all located downtown - are within walking distance.

THE AVALON'S RESIDENT GHOST

The Avalon Theater has had a resident ghost for decades according to some Eastonians. The ghost evidently likes to ride the elevator. Late at night workers still in the theater after events will report hearing the elevator door open, lights come on, and the elevator rising to the second or third floor on its own. They say it later makes its way down again with no one visibly on board. Spooky!

Pine Ridge Indian Reservation - a Thin Place

2008-02-27T10:35:00.014-05:00

"Sometimes we have to travel to the edge of ourselves to find our center."
~ Buck Ghosthorse

Visitors to my Thin Places blog often ask, "what is a thin place?" My response is short - a thin place is a place where the veil between this world and the next (the eternal world) is thin.

While I've been to hundreds of thin places in Western Europe, I've been to few in the US, probably less than twenty or thirty - and I have visited 49 of the fifty states (missing Alaska yet).

Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota, famous for the Wounded Knee massacre is a very thin place. In 1890 300 Lakota Indian men, women and children along with 25 American soldiers were gunned down in a field on a cold December day. Many more died later as a result of freezing weather and lack of available medical care. The dead were eventually collected by the American soldiers and thrown into a mass grave which is now humbly marked on the reservation - located exactly in the center of the general cemetery.

Near the mass grave is a newer, bronze headstone marked Lost Bird. This is the grave of a nineteen year old Lakota girl who was an infant at the time of the massacre.

She was thrown into the mass grave with the others - presumed dead, but a soldier noticed she was alive and the infant was handed over to a military officer. The child's mother had survived but was severely wounded and naturally shocked by the ordeal. The mother agreed to surrender her child to the military officer who adopted the child and raised her as his own. Her Lakota name was Lost Bird.

Lost Bird died young, and though she was adopted by a white man, she retained her rights as a Lakota Sioux to be buried on the reservation. Her father returned her remains to the Pine Ridge cemetery, to rest beside those who were lost in the last Indian battle in America - the Battle of Wounded Knee.

Kayaking and Wearing a Bra

2008-02-24T14:20:00.007-05:00

The older I get, the more I hate having to wear a bra. In fact, wearing a bra when you're kayaking for hours gets old. Like many women, I am adept at unhooking the bra, sliding my arms out of the straps under my shirt and flinging the bra where-ever. This is most often done in the privacy of my home, but I've also been known to de-bra myself in our car, friends houses, and other places of where I feel the company present won't be offended.

My grown children, have never gotten used to this practice of mine and it still embarrasses them.

I did the "de-bra" thing on this kayaking trip to Dividing Creek, relatively early in the paddling process. Because it was Winter, I was wearing many layers and the bra was too much. Rather than flinging it into the kayak, I kept it under my clothing.

As mentioned in the post, Winter Kayaking on Dividing Creek, our friends Cathy and Bob happened to be sitting on the dock at Winter Quarters when we paddled in at the conclusion of our kayaking trip.

When we paddled into Winter Quarters and saw Cathy and Bob, I had forgotten all about the process of taking off my bra, which by now was unsecured under my shirt. Bob and Cathy came over to the ramp to help us pull our kayaks up. Dan pulled his in right behind mine and Bob walked down the ramp, extending his hand to help me out of the kayak.

As I stepped away from the kayak, Bob said, "Uh... Mindie ... uh ... I think you lost something there ... in the water." I looked over to see my flesh-toned C-cups atop the murky Pocomoke ebbing away from me and the kayaks.

Dan rescued the bra.

Bob said, "What have you two been doing out there?"